Coincedence, paranoia or did exBPD do this?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Sometimes I think I'm extremely paranoid about things and maybe its all just coincedental and I'm reading too much into stuff. But it just doesnt add up!

I broke up with my dBPDexbf about 5 months ago. I went complete NC. I deactivated my FB account, blocked him on my mail and whatsapp. I changed my skype password into something complicated and random, so I wouldnt be able to sign in again. I closed my viber account, I basically did everything possible to stay NC.

About a month NC I got an email from FB saying "sorry you havent been able to log on to your account. If you have trouble with your password... .Blah blah blah" I deactivated this account and never tried to log back on, so it must have been someone else. I found a way to completely delete the account instead of just deactivating it, so problem solved... .

Then about a month later I get a message someone tried to logon to my email... .I have a two step verification thing so that didnt work... .Just to be sure I changed my password again.

Then I noticed he had been checking out my soundcloud page... .He sent my sister a ridiculous message on FB about how he was moving on and f-ing women half his age... .Really? But ok.

About 3 weeks ago he send me a whatsapp message with a new number, I posted about that here. I wished him well and blocked that number too.

Now Im in a new situation. Last week I received an email (supposebly) from the appartment complex he lives in. When he moved in last summer he couldnt make the deposit so they used my credit card information. The mail only said, please read the attached fax. Since I was worried he might have missed rent (again) or some sh!t like that I opened the fax. STUPID! My computer immediately warned me there might be a risk opening this fax, but curiousity got the better of me. But the computer didnt open it and said it had a virus. I then checked the emailadres with the one on their website and it was slighlty different... .Weird! I however send an email back, that the email contained a virus and I wasnt able to open it and told them to delete my credit card information as I will not pay for a single damn thing anymore.

I never got a response or apology or what ever from this mailadres. What I did get was a Trojan virus. The kind that passes on all your information, passwords and such... .It was tracked by the virus scanner to the document I tried to open from that mail... .What the heck!

Am I getting too paranoid or is it possible he tried to "invade" my computer? He is a total computer freak and would know how to do it... .A friend of mine will come over next week to delete the crap of my computer and untill then I was adviced to not use my computer and not go online so problem will be solved... .I have my phone to go online. But holy crap, will he ever stop or better yet, will I ever stop looking into everything?

Just venting... .It just amazes me how these relationships impact us and continue to impact us even after breakup. And to be honest, I after all the bs he pulled in the rs, Im absolutely sure he would be capable to do stuff like this... .

 just leave me alone already!  

[Recooperating]

Sometimes I think I'm extremely paranoid about things and maybe its all just coincedental and I'm reading too much into stuff. But it just doesnt add up!

I broke up with my dBPDexbf about 5 months ago. I went complete NC. I deactivated my FB account, blocked him on my mail and whatsapp. I changed my skype password into something complicated and random, so I wouldnt be able to sign in again. I closed my viber account, I basically did everything possible to stay NC.

About a month NC I got an email from FB saying "sorry you havent been able to log on to your account. If you have trouble with your password... .Blah blah blah" I deactivated this account and never tried to log back on, so it must have been someone else. I found a way to completely delete the account instead of just deactivating it, so problem solved... .

Then about a month later I get a message someone tried to logon to my email... .I have a two step verification thing so that didnt work... .Just to be sure I changed my password again.

Then I noticed he had been checking out my soundcloud page... .He sent my sister a ridiculous message on FB about how he was moving on and f-ing women half his age... .Really? But ok.

About 3 weeks ago he send me a whatsapp message with a new number, I posted about that here. I wished him well and blocked that number too.

Now Im in a new situation. Last week I received an email (supposebly) from the appartment complex he lives in. When he moved in last summer he couldnt make the deposit so they used my credit card information. The mail only said, please read the attached fax. Since I was worried he might have missed rent (again) or some sh!t like that I opened the fax. STUPID! My computer immediately warned me there might be a risk opening this fax, but curiousity got the better of me. But the computer didnt open it and said it had a virus. I then checked the emailadres with the one on their website and it was slighlty different... .Weird! I however send an email back, that the email contained a virus and I wasnt able to open it and told them to delete my credit card information as I will not pay for a single damn thing anymore.

I never got a response or apology or what ever from this mailadres. What I did get was a Trojan virus. The kind that passes on all your information, passwords and such... .It was tracked by the virus scanner to the document I tried to open from that mail... .What the heck!

Am I getting too paranoid or is it possible he tried to "invade" my computer? He is a total computer freak and would know how to do it... .A friend of mine will come over next week to delete the crap of my computer and untill then I was adviced to not use my computer and not go online so problem will be solved... .I have my phone to go online. But holy crap, will he ever stop or better yet, will I ever stop looking into everything?

Just venting... .It just amazes me how these relationships impact us and continue to impact us even after breakup. And to be honest, I after all the bs he pulled in the rs, Im absolutely sure he would be capable to do stuff like this... .

 just leave me alone already!  

[fromheeltoheal]

Am I getting too paranoid or is it possible he tried to "invade" my computer?

My guess is an email from a weird address with a "fax" attached is spam, sent by someone or something trying to steal your identity for cash.  We know not to open those, but as you said, curiosity got the best of you.

Borderlines are focused on attachments and the fear of losing them constantly, it's the core of the disorder, so it's not surprising he's cyberstalking you, and that will continue until he establishes a new attachment that is just as strong as what he had with you, or it may never end; my ex has been popping up randomly for over 25 years.

Anyway, how can you use this?  What emotions were behind the curiosity?  Are there mixed feelings around his contact attempts, maybe a little thrill in there?  How you feel about it is more important than what he does at this point; my ex's attempts at contact months after I left her for the second time served as more confirmation of her disordered personality, which actually helped with my detachment.  Any of that for you?  Or are you already detached and it's just a nuisance?

[Mutt]

He is a total computer freak and would know how to do it... .

It's likely him if he knows how.

I think you're savvy with changing your passwords and security.

I think he used a commonality and sent the trojan virus or rootkit. If you can't install it on someone's system because you don't have access a way would be to use an email that seems important and have someone open the attachment so the program installs.

You have a multitude of attempts; Facebook, e-mail, soundcloud, a passive aggressive message on a family members Facebook page.

You have sound security advice to disconnect your infected system from the internet    The malware may upload personal information to a remote system or log keystrokes on your computer to obtain passwords.

The good news is it's going to get removed or an option is to format ( wipe all of data) as it may embed itself in many places. The software today is complex and it can be difficult to remove.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Pingo]

Ugh, Recooperating, so sorry that you are still going through crap like this! I'm just so thankful my ex is a computer dolt otherwise I'm sure I'd be dealing with similar issues!  8 mths out (today!) and I am still paranoid. I still watch over my shoulder. I still sense he's not done with me... .a terrible feeling! I feel like a prisoner somehow! 

fromheeltoheal's response doesn't make me feel any better ("Borderlines are focused on attachments and the fear of losing them constantly, it's the core of the disorder, so it's not surprising he's cyberstalking you, and that will continue until he establishes a new attachment that is just as strong as what he had with you, or it may never end; my ex has been popping up randomly for over 25 years."

... .Can't imagine living like this for much longer.

[anxiety5]

Sometimes I think I'm extremely paranoid about things and maybe its all just coincedental and I'm reading too much into stuff. But it just doesnt add up!

I broke up with my dBPDexbf about 5 months ago. I went complete NC. I deactivated my FB account, blocked him on my mail and whatsapp. I changed my skype password into something complicated and random, so I wouldnt be able to sign in again. I closed my viber account, I basically did everything possible to stay NC.

About a month NC I got an email from FB saying "sorry you havent been able to log on to your account. If you have trouble with your password... .Blah blah blah" I deactivated this account and never tried to log back on, so it must have been someone else. I found a way to completely delete the account instead of just deactivating it, so problem solved... .

Then about a month later I get a message someone tried to logon to my email... .I have a two step verification thing so that didnt work... .Just to be sure I changed my password again.

Then I noticed he had been checking out my soundcloud page... .He sent my sister a ridiculous message on FB about how he was moving on and f-ing women half his age... .Really? But ok.

About 3 weeks ago he send me a whatsapp message with a new number, I posted about that here. I wished him well and blocked that number too.

Now Im in a new situation. Last week I received an email (supposebly) from the appartment complex he lives in. When he moved in last summer he couldnt make the deposit so they used my credit card information. The mail only said, please read the attached fax. Since I was worried he might have missed rent (again) or some sh!t like that I opened the fax. STUPID! My computer immediately warned me there might be a risk opening this fax, but curiousity got the better of me. But the computer didnt open it and said it had a virus. I then checked the emailadres with the one on their website and it was slighlty different... .Weird! I however send an email back, that the email contained a virus and I wasnt able to open it and told them to delete my credit card information as I will not pay for a single damn thing anymore.

I never got a response or apology or what ever from this mailadres. What I did get was a Trojan virus. The kind that passes on all your information, passwords and such... .It was tracked by the virus scanner to the document I tried to open from that mail... .What the heck!

Am I getting too paranoid or is it possible he tried to "invade" my computer? He is a total computer freak and would know how to do it... .A friend of mine will come over next week to delete the crap of my computer and untill then I was adviced to not use my computer and not go online so problem will be solved... .I have my phone to go online. But holy crap, will he ever stop or better yet, will I ever stop looking into everything?

Just venting... .It just amazes me how these relationships impact us and continue to impact us even after breakup. And to be honest, I after all the bs he pulled in the rs, Im absolutely sure he would be capable to do stuff like this... .

 just leave me alone already!  

No you aren't paranoid. Not if you are getting emails about 2 step verification. Do you have an iPhone? do yourself a favor. Create a random email address that's new. Go to apple dot com and change your apple id to that new email address and also change the password. If someone has your apple id or password they can do some really crazy stuff like track you by logging onto your iCloud account. create a list with all your accounts, user names and passwords. hand write it don't save it on your pc and keep it in a very safe place (preferably a safe or somewhere where you hide things) just jog your memory for all your accounts. It's worth changing every password you can remember to something completely randomized. It's also worth changing the verification questions to new questions that he won't have any idea the answer to. That's not paranoid, that's smart and it's better to be safe than sorry. I've seen friends stalk ex's like that with no real motives, they just can't let go and are obsessed with catching them in some sort of lie. It's crazy but you just have to do the diligent things on your side to ensure that he can't get in.

[fromheeltoheal]

fromheeltoheal's response doesn't make me feel any better ("Borderlines are focused on attachments and the fear of losing them constantly, it's the core of the disorder, so it's not surprising he's cyberstalking you, and that will continue until he establishes a new attachment that is just as strong as what he had with you, or it may never end; my ex has been popping up randomly for over 25 years.")



It's not bad these days Pingo, in fact it's validating.  I hadn't talked to her in over a decade when she found me on Facebook, and off to the races we went again, because I thought she'd "changed", and one thing that had changed was she got much better at her deception, although I knew nothing about BPD until after I left her the second time.  My education and growth have completely taken away any power she had over me, she knows it, yet she still tries once in a while.  She just seems ridiculous to me now, and totally transparent, and it seems she's getting worse; the whole thing actually makes me feel good about myself and sorry for her.  

Sidebar: a woman I've known for a while is very attracted to me, and although I'm not attracted to her and don't think it would ever work, we're incompatible, I can feel the love she has for me, and the profound thing about it is I never felt anything like that with my borderline ex, it was all empty words and an inability to emotionally connect, but I was so eager and lost at the time I didn't notice and didn't have the contrast; that in itself is more confirmation that I want nothing to do with people like that again.  In case you were wondering, the woman who's attracted to me works for me, and I won't lead her on or be anything but honest with her, but she might need to leave and find another job, it's getting a little out of hand, we'll see.

[Recooperating]

Anyway, how can you use this?  What emotions were behind the curiosity?  Are there mixed feelings around his contact attempts, maybe a little thrill in there?  How you feel about it is more important than what he does at this point; my ex's attempts at contact months after I left her for the second time served as more confirmation of her disordered personality, which actually helped with my detachment.  Any of that for you?  Or are you already detached and it's just a nuisance?

Thank you fromheel, its always good to be reminded of my own process and question like these are very helpfull!  I actually opened the "fax" because it came from the appartment complex and I remember his contract is up and they have my credit card information. I totally forgot about that after breakup. But to be honest, there was a tiny little voice inside that said, maybe he sent me a fax since he cant contact me in any other way. I am detaching quite well, there are no more hopes of getting back together, no more fantasies, I don't miss him. I am working hard on myself in a group therapy for codeps and I am doing psychological fysiotherapy. Thats going quite well, a lot of FOO issues! But that tiny little voice needs work! Thank you for making me realize that!

Ugh, Recooperating, so sorry that you are still going through crap like this! I'm just so thankful my ex is a computer dolt otherwise I'm sure I'd be dealing with similar issues!  8 mths out (today!) and I am still paranoid. I still watch over my shoulder. I still sense he's not done with me... .a terrible feeling! I feel like a prisoner somehow! 

fromheeltoheal's response doesn't make me feel any better ("Borderlines are focused on attachments and the fear of losing them constantly, it's the core of the disorder, so it's not surprising he's cyberstalking you, and that will continue until he establishes a new attachment that is just as strong as what he had with you, or it may never end; my ex has been popping up randomly for over 25 years."

... .Can't imagine living like this for much longer.

I am so sick of it too Pingo! Unfortunately I have learned the hard way that I really do have to second guess everything. He's done and tried things i wouldnt even think off!   He has a replacement (2days post bu) but I guess its not enough for him... I am glad he lives far away from me, but it wouldnt surprise me if he would show up at my doorstep one day. But I am trying to just live my life as best as I can and not let this paranoia get to me as much... .but it really sucks. He always thinks of something new and always when I least expect it... .   Congratulations on your 8 month mark! Good for you! We will get through it Pingo! unfortunately it takes time... .apparently a lot of time... .

He is a total computer freak and would know how to do it... .

It's likely him if he knows how.

I think you're savvy with changing your passwords and security.

I think he used a commonality and sent the trojan virus or rootkit. If you can't install it on someone's system because you don't have access a way would be to use an email that seems important and have someone open the attachment so the program installs.

You have a multitude of attempts; Facebook, e-mail, soundcloud, a passive aggressive message on a family members Facebook page.

You have sound security advice to disconnect your infected system from the internet    The malware may upload personal information to a remote system or log keystrokes on your computer to obtain passwords.

The good news is it's going to get removed or an option is to format ( wipe all of data) as it may embed itself in many places. The software today is complex and it can be difficult to remove.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

No you aren't paranoid. Not if you are getting emails about 2 step verification. Do you have an iPhone? do yourself a favor. Create a random email address that's new. Go to apple dot com and change your apple id to that new email address and also change the password. If someone has your apple id or password they can do some really crazy stuff like track you by logging onto your iCloud account. create a list with all your accounts, user names and passwords. hand write it don't save it on your pc and keep it in a very safe place (preferably a safe or somewhere where you hide things) just jog your memory for all your accounts. It's worth changing every password you can remember to something completely randomized. It's also worth changing the verification questions to new questions that he won't have any idea the answer to. That's not paranoid, that's smart and it's better to be safe than sorry. I've seen friends stalk ex's like that with no real motives, they just can't let go and are obsessed with catching them in some sort of lie. It's crazy but you just have to do the diligent things on your side to ensure that he can't get in.

Thanks so much for your advice Mutt and anxiety, and yes I guess I really have to face the fact its him... .I have taken your advice, changed every password I can remember, changed my apple ID. I am using an old laptop right now thats not infected and I will NOT turn on my PC untill we'll clear the damn virus. Man the trouble this man goes through to keep the attachement is mind blowing. Im just sticking to NC, solve the problem and I'll just keep on going... .It really must stop eventually right?

Thanks to all of you for your responses!

[Deeno02]

Ugh, Recooperating, so sorry that you are still going through crap like this! I'm just so thankful my ex is a computer dolt otherwise I'm sure I'd be dealing with similar issues!  8 mths out (today!) and I am still paranoid. I still watch over my shoulder. I still sense he's not done with me... .a terrible feeling! I feel like a prisoner somehow! 

fromheeltoheal's response doesn't make me feel any better ("Borderlines are focused on attachments and the fear of losing them constantly, it's the core of the disorder, so it's not surprising he's cyberstalking you, and that will continue until he establishes a new attachment that is just as strong as what he had with you, or it may never end; my ex has been popping up randomly for over 25 years."

... .Can't imagine living like this for much longer.

God, I hope shes frickin done with me!