I hate you, don't leave me.

[maxsterling]

That's the title of the book, but how true!

What is the shortest time between hearing those exact words from your SO?  I think in my case, about an hour.  Screaming that she hates me and that I am the worst person in the world, and an hour later begging me not to leave.

What about you?  What's the quickest turnaround time between "I hate you" and "don't leave me" that you have experienced?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[NGU]

Currently reading that book. I wish I had the ability to get it to under an hour. Me? Half a day for the not-so-bad lows, three days for the bad ones.

The big question is... .are you doing anything in particular to quicken the process? That is one of the reasons I signed up here. To figure out how to act, talk and to see if I can anticipate what to do if I see the lows coming.

[ydrys017]

My uBPDw is not that explicit, but sure let's me know that she hates me - but I've yet to hear the 'don't leave me' part, in fact there is never a positive opposite.    I respond because in a strange way it might be nice to hear a 'don't leave me' (or anything indicating a sense of commitment) once in a while!  However, in the same hour... .geez, I don't know 

[maxsterling]

Patience.  And don't JADE.  And don't take things personally.  Let her wind herself down.  Getting defensive or "fighting back" only prolongs the misery.  I think after dealing with this for a few years, and me being patient and not engaging in her abuse, it forces her to look inward. 

[NGU]

I've yet to hear the 'don't leave me' part

After reading that, I realized I should have been more clear. ":)on't leave me" are words that never come out of mouth. Her m.o. is to just come over and give me a long hug. One if the first things I've learned how to do is get the hugs faster. She's been subconsciously manipulating me for a long time. I don't feel guilty about learning how to manipulate her lows to bring her back up faster.

[NGU]

Patience.  And don't JADE.  And don't take things personally.  Let her wind herself down.  Getting defensive or "fighting back" only prolongs the misery.  I think after dealing with this for a few years, and me being patient and not engaging in her abuse, it forces her to look inward. 

Well put. That's essentially the most important "trick" I've learned.

I'm sitting here typing and really can't believe I'm having to do it. I'm not playing the victim, but it's only been a few months since I realized that almost all the problems in our relationship are from her and her symptoms. One day when she was "normal," she told me to look at a clinical book she had on BPD; one she got while she was in DBT. I opened it a few months later and nearly fell to my knees after only reading the first 5-6 pages.