Finally did it.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I finally removed a suspected BPD friend from my face book friends list.  I realised it's been over 7 months since I last messaged her with no reply, despite her having read my message. I got sick of seeing her stupid memes about removing toxic people from your life, so I did just that!

We did seem to have a close relationship at one point, but that was years ago and she wouldn't discuss what had triggered her change in attitude towards me. As she'd always been very vocal about wishing people were honest I chose to be honest and suggested that she may have played a part in past failed relationships. Her response

was to accept no responsibility and to tell me that her real friends accept whatever crumbs she offers, when it suits her.

She became ill with cancer, I found out via facebook, nice huh?  That held me back from removing her and we messaged intermittently, but it felt like hard work. I sent Christmas cards, one year she was defensive and told me she couldn't afford stamps to post cards herself. I told her I didn't send it to get one in return. Last year she didn't even acknowledge I'd sent one.

Anyway, I finally accepted that there is no friendship. She's well again, posting stupid facebook posters about people who are there for you etc and happily commenting on other peoples status, but never mine, never even a like. The irony is that whenever we have had contact she hasn't once asked how I am. I suspect she has only left me on her friends list so that she can hold me up as yet another example of people who abandon her by forcing me to remove her 1st.

I don't know why but I have found it much more difficult to cut her off than I did with the ex BPDbf. But I feel a sense of relief about it too.

[Lolster]

I finally removed a suspected BPD friend from my face book friends list.  I realised it's been over 7 months since I last messaged her with no reply, despite her having read my message. I got sick of seeing her stupid memes about removing toxic people from your life, so I did just that!

We did seem to have a close relationship at one point, but that was years ago and she wouldn't discuss what had triggered her change in attitude towards me. As she'd always been very vocal about wishing people were honest I chose to be honest and suggested that she may have played a part in past failed relationships. Her response

was to accept no responsibility and to tell me that her real friends accept whatever crumbs she offers, when it suits her.

She became ill with cancer, I found out via facebook, nice huh?  That held me back from removing her and we messaged intermittently, but it felt like hard work. I sent Christmas cards, one year she was defensive and told me she couldn't afford stamps to post cards herself. I told her I didn't send it to get one in return. Last year she didn't even acknowledge I'd sent one.

Anyway, I finally accepted that there is no friendship. She's well again, posting stupid facebook posters about people who are there for you etc and happily commenting on other peoples status, but never mine, never even a like. The irony is that whenever we have had contact she hasn't once asked how I am. I suspect she has only left me on her friends list so that she can hold me up as yet another example of people who abandon her by forcing me to remove her 1st.

I don't know why but I have found it much more difficult to cut her off than I did with the ex BPDbf. But I feel a sense of relief about it too.

[maxen]

hi lolster 

I got sick of seeing her stupid memes about removing toxic people from your life, so I did just that!

I don't know why but I have found it much more difficult to cut her off than I did with the ex BPDbf.

do you have any thoughts? does your r/s with her fall into any pattern that you've had with others? (no finger-pointing there, i'm pretty much describing myself  )

[Lolster]

hi lolster 

I got sick of seeing her stupid memes about removing toxic people from your life, so I did just that!

I don't know why but I have found it much more difficult to cut her off than I did with the ex BPDbf.

do you have any thoughts? does your r/s with her fall into any pattern that you've had with others? (no finger-pointing there, i'm pretty much describing myself  )

Hi maxen,

I can't see any pattern with this relationship that I've had with others. On the other hand she herself has described this pattern with most people in her life, and I've had to endure listening to her devaluing many people she first described as friends, quite often over seemingly trivial issues.