I'm struggling to accept the finality of this

[Depression = 72% of members]

There are strong signs today that I have been replaced by my uBPDexgf

I never thought that this day would come. I thought that I was special and that my exgf of 15 months wouldn't get a replacement, but I was hit in the face today. To say that I was hysterical today would be an understatement. I have been in communication with some members on the boards who were willing to talk to me while I was in such an emotional state. I can not fully express my gratitude for them.

I thought that what I had with her was special, sacred. After 70 days of no contact. I could not imagine myself in another romantic relationship. But I guess ___________ does not feel the same way.

I love her very much and I was her first serious romantic relationship starting when she was only on the tail end of 16 years old.

I believe that there were times I saw her 'real self' in certain moments.

I could have never imagine that in about one months' time I would witness her lose her mind.

Whatever ___________ this new guy is getting, I know it's not the one I got.

But I don't want anyone else to have her! I don't want anyone else to get those special moments with her that I had! I am just such a jealous human being. And for the longest time, she was that only thing I knew someone else couldn't have.

But now it's over. And the girl that I love so much has moved on. She is loving someone else. And I am beside myself with grief.

This is on the same day that I wrote her a letter (not sent!) this morning, only later to find this news out. Fate would have it that these things coalesced on me, increasing the pain.

If anyone is wondering why I say 'worse day since' January 9th it is because on that night ___________ would not stop texting me vitriolic messages for hours after I kicked her out of my house in frustration.

Everything just aches.

Everything associated with ___________ used to bring me happiness, it used to all be associated with love, now everything associated with her just equals pain. Thoughts of her= pain. Thoughts of her and my replacement= pain. Memories=aching pain. Her social media= Pain!

So much pain.

Reece

[Reecer1588]

There are strong signs today that I have been replaced by my uBPDexgf

I never thought that this day would come. I thought that I was special and that my exgf of 15 months wouldn't get a replacement, but I was hit in the face today. To say that I was hysterical today would be an understatement. I have been in communication with some members on the boards who were willing to talk to me while I was in such an emotional state. I can not fully express my gratitude for them.

I thought that what I had with her was special, sacred. After 70 days of no contact. I could not imagine myself in another romantic relationship. But I guess ___________ does not feel the same way.

I love her very much and I was her first serious romantic relationship starting when she was only on the tail end of 16 years old.

I believe that there were times I saw her 'real self' in certain moments.

I could have never imagine that in about one months' time I would witness her lose her mind.

Whatever ___________ this new guy is getting, I know it's not the one I got.

But I don't want anyone else to have her! I don't want anyone else to get those special moments with her that I had! I am just such a jealous human being. And for the longest time, she was that only thing I knew someone else couldn't have.

But now it's over. And the girl that I love so much has moved on. She is loving someone else. And I am beside myself with grief.

This is on the same day that I wrote her a letter (not sent!) this morning, only later to find this news out. Fate would have it that these things coalesced on me, increasing the pain.

If anyone is wondering why I say 'worse day since' January 9th it is because on that night ___________ would not stop texting me vitriolic messages for hours after I kicked her out of my house in frustration.

Everything just aches.

Everything associated with ___________ used to bring me happiness, it used to all be associated with love, now everything associated with her just equals pain. Thoughts of her= pain. Thoughts of her and my replacement= pain. Memories=aching pain. Her social media= Pain!

So much pain.

Reece

[Mutt]

Hi Reecer1588,

I'm sorry to hear that.  It's chaotic, confusing and painful when our partners stop communication and were a significant person of our lives.

What are the strong signs?

[Reecer1588]

Hi Reecer1588,

I'm sorry to hear that.  It's chaotic, confusing and painful when our partners stop communication and were a significant person of our lives.

What are the strong signs?

There are two signs, they both come from her pinterest. But the silence after 70 days is another sign.

You may laugh at me, or think that this doesn't mean anything. But she hasn't posted on the relationship board for three months.

This is unquestionable to me.

There comes a time when you meet someone and you just want to make them smile for the rest of your life.

That person isn't me anymore, though.

I love her so much. I don't want anyone else to have her. This sucks.

[Skip]

Hi guys, I'm 19 years old, I come from a loving family, and a high class background. I got into a prestigious college. Life would seem to be good for me, right? Well, in a lot of ways I'm a confident young man, but when it comes to girls, I have low self-esteem... . My relationship with her lasted for about 1 year. I was the first one to break up with her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, she was my high-school sweetheart, I loved her so much, she was my first real relationship.

Hey reecer,

This is hard. Loosing the girl you love - needing to walk away from someone you love but know, intellectually is not compatible, is one of the hardest things in life.  When its your first love - all the more painful.

I'm glad we are here for you.

Linking our intellectual side (this is a troubled relationship) and our emotional side (I really love her) is one of the biggest challenges that face members.  

Often we bounce from one to the other and the shifting is emotionally draining:

I love her.  I will always be there. I want her.

She's got issues.  They aren't going to just go away.  She done - even filled a restraining order. I need to let go.

Peace will come when you can integrate these to thoughts - not have them be in conflict with each other.

Some members think of these relationship as "too bad to stay, too good to leave." They accept that both of these can be true at the same time.

You may want to read the Wise-mind Workshop.




https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=64749.0

[myself]

Sorry for your pain. It may not seem like it now but this will pass, your life will take more turns and the intensity will fade. You're both still pretty young. It's actually not very surprising to hear that a 17-18 year old decided to try another relationship. That perhaps neither of you knew the best ways to handle it and feelings were hurt. The thing to do now is focus on yourself. Don't look at her posts. Ask your friends to not relay that info, etc. Let it go as much as you possibly can. If she's disordered, she'll go into a new r/s with rainbows and butterflies in her eyes, but in time the facade will crumble and she'll be back to running away (from the r/s and herself). If she's just young and figuring herself out, hopefully she'll find someone good to be with. As will you, if you're open to it and respectful not resentful. Either way, that's her life to live, while you have yours. Don't let this further dent your self-esteem. Become your best You. Change what personally needs changing, appreciate the good stuff, and keep moving forward.