Adult Daughter With Possible BPD putting my 8 month old at risk

[adriana8218]

Good evening. I found this forum looking for ways to handle my 19 year old who has BPD. She is impossible to talk to, unbelievably filthy and unfortunately on adderall because she was also diagnosed with ADHD type 1. She's unbelievably talented and draws well enough to make a career of it but this is her roadblock. Right now I have an extremely unfortunate predicament. I have an 8 month old and CPS visits regularly because her father was busted for drug use. I left him before finding out i was pregnant. The father of my 8 month old is not my 19 year olds father. We divorced about 4 years ago.

My daughter who i suspect has BPD is unbelievably filthy. So much that she poses a health risk. Old food, dishes,... .its unbelievable.

I am currently in the middle of a court battle to make sure my youngest remains supervised in her father's care as there are a multitude of risks there. Because her father is going through cps ordered rehab they do welfare checks here. My daughter was gone before the first visit and i cleaned her entire room. She was furious that i did when she got home. Not grateful at all. Now she hardly leaves and her room is a legitimate health hazard. When i try to clean it or explain why she has to she becomes agitated and violent. Until i get past the custody hurdle i jjust need her to clean her room.once im done in court i will turn my attention toward getting her help which has not been easy. She refuses everything. I'm terrified that in one of her violent outbursts ill have to have her removed and in doing so ill be unable to allow her to come back. If my youngests father finds out he will say shes an adult and a danger to the baby. I dont know where to start with her. She's negative., filthy, entitled and impossible to get through to.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello adriana8218,

Welcome to the Parents Board, we are glad that you are here though sorry to learn about the situation that has brought you to us.  This must be so very difficult to know how to navigate with your adult child.  The stakes are very high for you. 

We have a great deal of information here that can help you learn how to communicate with your daughter to get some cooperation from her.  Have you studied up on BPD much to get an understanding of the causes of her behaviors?

There is a collection of the Tools and Lessons in the right side bar for you to take a look at.  It's a lot and will take time.  Have you practiced validation in your communications?  Is it helping?  Here is a link to some info on validation:  Validate the Valid

Be sure to check out the link at the bottom of that page to get ideas on how to apply the skill of validation and why it is so important to use with people who suffer with BPD.

We hope to see you back very soon.  We are here to help.

lbj