Have you run into your ex?

[confusedinWI]

Have any of you run into your ex, or your ex with their new person? What happened? Did they even seem to acknowledge you?

This is my fear that right now my ex is in the idealization stage with her new relationship and I fear running into her. Not a realistic worry as I live an hour an a half away from her new, and even when I drive down to see my kids it's not really a chance but I get worried because I know I'm still weak sometimes and her approval of me was what I always looked for, especially when she said nice things about my appearance. I'm by no means ugly, and I had some friends question me after the relationship ended what I saw in her but I still worry about it.

[Bensonshays]

Have any of you run into your ex, or your ex with their new person? What happened? Did they even seem to acknowledge you?

This is my fear that right now my ex is in the idealization stage with her new relationship and I fear running into her. Not a realistic worry as I live an hour an a half away from her new, and even when I drive down to see my kids it's not really a chance but I get worried because I know I'm still weak sometimes and her approval of me was what I always looked for, especially when she said nice things about my appearance. I'm by no means ugly, and I had some friends question me after the relationship ended what I saw in her but I still worry about it.

I saw her several times in the first two weeks after the break up. I had to spend a lot of time around her because we share the same social/professional circle. She flirted with me, too, much like she did when we first got together. People here said that was her attempt to keep me hooked but at a safe distance. That was a lot of fun.   She also had her new dude drop her off at an event she knew I'd be at. My therapist says that was intentional. This all made recovering a lot worse for me.

If you haven't run into her yet, be glad--and try not to in the future. 

[confusedinWI]

I saw her several times in the first two weeks after the break up. I had to spend a lot of time around her because we share the same social/professional circle. She flirted with me, too, much like she did when first got together. People here said that was her attempt to keep me hooked but at a safe distance. That was a lot of fun.   She also had her new dude drop her off at an event she knew I'd be at. My therapist says that was intentional. This all made recovering a lot worse for me.

If you haven't run into her yet, be glad and try not to. [/quote]
I will admit the first couple of weeks when driving through the town that she worked at I stopped at places that maybe she might be, I'm not sure why. I just kind of hurt that I can't see her anymore. When I got divorced it was so tough having to see my ex wife all the time, especially once she started dating again.

I told myself that this time it would be easier because I wouldn't have to run into my ex anymore. However, now that I'm two months out of not seeing her I don't know anymore. Like if I knew she wasn't dating anyone I had fantasies of running into her, and her begging me to take her back. Now that she has a man, I pray to god above that I don't run into her. I just don't know that I'd be strong enough right now.

Isn't that the unfair irony, we as the ones that truly loved them are afraid of running into them, while the ones that disregarded our love, put it aside, probably would have no problem running into is.

[sbr1050]

I live in constant fear of it as we live in the same small town.  I have seen him a few times.  I admit I have started altering where I go and when, just so I am less likely to see him.  I totally avoid other places altogether.  It's been hell.

[valet]

I met up with my ex several times in the first month after we broke up, and it didn't bother me too much. I felt great afterwards, like I really had the 'upper hand' I guess, which just means that my self esteem was starting to return.

To answer your question: I was generally in a great mood and very conversational, but my ex, on the other hand, seemed really broken up and unable to continue what I thought were interesting conversations. These were conversations that she normally would have engaged in prior to the relationship and in about the first 1.5 years. She seemed kind of shaken, like she couldn't say what she actually wanted to.

I hope that the next time I see her she won't be like this. A happy her is much better than a sad her.

[willtimeheal]

I haven't run into my ex but I do fear it. I am eight months out. At first we worked together but then she was moved. Once she was moved it was easier. She devalued me and started seeing someone else while we were still together. Funny how one moment you are talking marriage and then the next you are asking yourself what the heck just happened. Anyways she is in love with the replacement and luckily I haven't run into her or both of them together. I have run into some of her family members and that just generally annoys me. I get mad for a.bit about what she put me through but it works its way out. Then I get angry at myself for me allowing her to annoy me. I still have those moments where i hope her house burns down or she gets hit by a truck but then they pass. I do know how lucky I am she is gone and is now someone else's problem. Sometimes I do want her to hurt as bad as she hurt me but this  moments as less and less now. I do go to the places I feel he will not be at. And I avoid places that she might be at. I don't need her to mess.with my life anymore than she has. I got out. It's someone else's turn now.

[Deeno02]

Got through 7 months of NC. Have to see her 2 to 3 times a week because of my sons volleyball. I dont exist. Doesnt speak to me, doesnt look at me. I expected as much.

[runningup]

Funny how one moment you are talking marriage and then the next you are asking yourself what the heck just happened. 

I know just how you feel there! Its gutwrenching isnt it!

[Deeno02]

Funny how one moment you are talking marriage and then the next you are asking yourself what the heck just happened. 

I know just how you feel there! Its gutwrenching isnt it!

it is. Still bothers me after 8 months.

[willtimeheal]

Funny how one moment you are talking marriage and then the next you are asking yourself what the heck just happened. 

I know just how you feel there! Its gutwrenching isnt it!

it is. Still bothers me after 8 months.

I am also 8 months out.  It still bothers me from time to time. My recovery time is getting shorter and shorter when I have one of those moments. But it still stings.

[sbr1050]

Funny how one moment you are talking marriage and then the next you are asking yourself what the heck just happened.

Even worse? We talked having a baby (talked about it on and off for 15 years, seriously for the last year and a half).  Now I am dirt -  when I reached out to him via text to congratulate him on becoming a first time grandfather, he basically said thanks, he;s happy, and "I wish the same for you".  After 18 years together, raising his kids, planning a future with him, and that was what I got.

[StarOfTheSea]

I thankfully haven't run into him but just the thought of seeing him somewhere out makes that fear bubble up inside me. I was scared yesterday because I noticed a vehicle exactly like his behind me in traffic. (Wasn't him. Whew.)

I have mixed feelings about going to places we used to go to together. For instance, I'll go and sit in 'our' coffee shop as a way of reclaiming it. But I'll be nervous the whole time then go home and feel like crap.

I think coming up with a game plan for when it happens might make you feel more in control and prepared. For example, what you would say, wouldn't say, etc.

[Jack2727]

Chances are pretty slim that I will run into mine. She lives in Colo, which is thankfully a very far way from here. LOL

[Infared]

When I run into mine (I live in a small town... .my hometown... .and so do they), and they always act out like 13 yr. olds... .it's all drama... .either kissing and hugging while staring at me... .or she plays devastated victim and he comforts her? I have no idea what lies she has told him about me and our relationship. I did nothing to deserve such treatment. I also am always minding my own business when these encounters occur and am always alone.

If she is alone... .she tries to walk up to me like nothing ever happened... .with this look on her face like everything is just as it was when we lived together... .It's quite bizarre. Like there are two personalities in there. Like when she is with him she is in one box and if she is alone and sees me she is in another box.  It's upsetting and very disturbing to me.