HOw Did this happen?

[Fromsainttosinner]

Well, hi... .seems that I have walked into this family with not so much as a formal invitation or introduction. I didn't even get tea and cakes? ! BAM! Here I am smack in the middle of something I didn't even know existed a year ago. I have been blindsided and abused. Latest episode was so public that all my family and friends now know. The humiliation is not so much of a deal to me, I don't think he can help himself when he sets off to sabotage, but I don't think he could ever face my loved ones again. So it might be over anyway. He is the nicest guy I have EVER met, the most compatible, gentle, passionate human being, we have never even had a cross word... .and then there is the other side. The abuse. The irrational and impulsive behaviour. The abject cruelty. The fixations. The projections. The transference. The blaming. He goes from hero to vigilante within hours. I go from being the love of his life and the best thing that has ever happened to him, 100 texts a day to" I never want any contact with you ever again" over night with no fight.

I am exhausted and I know I should just walk away but but but but... .as part of ' the family' you know where I am coming from... .why cant I just say ENOUGH and reclaim my life?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[mitatsu]

Hi there and welcome

sorry to hear what you are going through but you've arrived in the right part of the internet with lots of good folk on here who understand all the points of this terrible illness

do you want to save your relationship? or are you undecided?

feel free to ask anything we will all try our best to help

take care of yourself and put your needs first and have a big welcoming hug 

[vortex of confusion]

 

Welcome to the forums! If there was a tea and biscuit emoticon, I would share a cup of tea with you. 

A good place to start might be with the lessons that you can find down the right side of the forums. Lots of really good information.

Can you tell us more about the public episode? What happened?

[Fromsainttosinner]

Lol... .thank you. I don't really want to disclose the public episode on line in case its so unique that its obvious that its me talking about it and if it was ever found. Does that make sense? Though having read so much now I am sure its not unique - same old traits through out eh ? I've become quite anxious and stressed lately. I am a strong and was an independent  person so this has hit me incredibly hard. I just don't understand how I could have been so blind and wrapped up in this warped relationship - except for I must have really wanted it. I did. I thought all my dreams had come true... .they turned into nightmares.

How are you doing? 

[Fromsainttosinner]

Thank you Mitatsu,

It is a crappy comfort to know there are so many of us !

I would like to try to save it but I understand that I probably can't. The more I understand about the illness the more I think I am delusional in even considering trying.  I think too much damage has been done and when he has moments of clarity he is so ashamed and seemingly remorse ridden I doubt that he could get past that.  I wish I knew how to get over it. How to let go. How to be. My world feels like it has crashed down and phoenix's are extinct aren't they?

Thanks for the virtual hug. I wish I could disappear to the future or totally erase the past and never have got caught up in something so damaging and crazy.

[an0ught]

Hi Fromsainttosinner,

I didn't even get tea and cakes?

First things first. I'm a believer in taking bodily needs serious: 

You sound extremely frustrated with your situation  In some way you sound even more frustrated with yourself  . When we open our eyes the situation we are then "suddenly" realizing is very upsetting. And even worse we have been enabling part of what has been happening and so contributed to the mess. Dealing with all the guilt, shame and the reality of being faced with something that is almost impossible to grasp is very, very hard.

What are you most frustrated about?

,

a0

[Anxia]

I've become quite anxious and stressed lately. I am a strong and was an independent  person so this has hit me incredibly hard. I just don't understand how I could have been so blind and wrapped up in this warped relationship - except for I must have really wanted it. I did. I thought all my dreams had come true... .they turned into nightmares.

I could have written this Fromsainttosinner. Exactly how I feel.