Welcome Allahborn,
Her mom is very controlling and demanding like herself, yet a sweet and giving person as well.
And dad was drinking to cope with the roller-coaster. Not a stable environment to grow up in.
I've gotten to the point where I feel that in order to help I do everything to make her happy out of love, but I now fear being her enabler.
so there is insight on your side. That is a good starting point.
And slowly turned into demanding, controlling, and overly emotional.
and you tolerated her behavior. She was able to behave differently. So once you stop tolerating it there is a good chance it becomes less extreme. Read up on boundaries and start thinking on how to do them.
I feel trapped in a relationship where she points out all my wrongs and takes no accountability for her own.
Don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. All would be invalidating and just gets her riled up more. The fact that you defend just proves that you are guilty. The only way to win this game is not playing.
Also start practicing validation, particularly of negative stuff. For workshops see the
LESSONS.
Again
,
a0