Something I can never send but want to say to my uBPDxfiance

[dobie]

When it gets too much ... .

When life overwhelms you

When people let you down

When fear rises

When you need a hand

When no one understands

When your scared

When you feel alone & betrayed

When no one understands

I'm here always

Dobie x

[Ripped Heart]

Dobie, that is really beautiful and I know exactly where you are coming from.

The reality of the situation though is that they probably know, which is why they choose to put that distance between us. I know with my exBPDgf that she knew and the more she knew I was one of the only few that understood her, the more she would get upset and the more distant she became. It was more like an element of shame or embarrassment on her behalf because I was someone who saw behind the mask, accepted her for who she was but she couldn't accept herself for who she was.

She is still a part of my life even now, still sends me texts to let me know how she is getting on and what she is up to. It's both sad and difficult at times because I'm the person she reaches out to contact when she wants to be real or when she is breaking down because she still wears the mask for everyone else.

When I made the decision to stay friends with my exBPDgf, people on here quite rightly questioned what I expected to benefit from it. Friendships, as are relationships are based around mutual respect. Reaching out and remaining in contact with a pwBPD after a relationship will always just be one way and it is difficult at times because I do care for my exBPDgf but I also understand the reality of the situation enough to know I would never go back.

So based on what you said in your post, what would you hope to accomplish if you were able to say those things and what would your expectations be overall?

[dobie]

I don't think id accomplish anything  but further devaluation and loss of self respect tbh

What id like is a sense of mutual understanding and to be valued as a friend

No chance in the real world of course

As to why would I want that simply because she meant a lot to me and to think I mean nothing to her simply hurts