Sigh, another weekend of dysregulation

[formflier]

 

“You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.”

The reason you are at bpdfamily is to gain knowledge... .to learn about the "dark side"... .it is predictable... .generally speaking.

“Yes, a Jedi’s strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan’s apprentice.”

Seriously... .think about this.  The dark side comes out (dysregulate)... .you respond with anger, fear... .aggression... .(nothing good comes from that path)

or... .

The dark side comes out... .aims lighting bolts from finger tips at you (que the emporor cackling... .)

"Oh yes my dear Castle of Glass... .I'm afraid the death star is fully operational... ." (more cackling)  "My despair will be yours... .my fear will be yours... .come to the dark side... ."

Castle of Glass... .appears calm... .summons a centered inner force... .and with minimal effort waves a hand... .and deflects the lighting bolts... ."Your fear does not control me... .my feelings are mine... .you will never own me... ."

Anyone else want to pick up the movie from here?



FF

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CastleofGlass]

Would it help if I said that sometimes during dysregulation I silently say "There is no emotion, there is peace"?

[formflier]

Would it help if I said that sometimes during dysregulation I silently say "There is no emotion, there is peace"?

Sure thing... .we each find our own way of dealing with it.

One thing... .we may want to define some terms.

Dysregulated to me... .means someone is not in control of their emotions... .and some kind of acting out... .cursing... .something that would indicate they are a bit... .or a lot... .out of control. 

Boundaries are important.  Strength is important.

So... .when there is a generally crappy mood... .short answers... .but no abusive behavior... .be strong... .be present... .try to validate... .especially if you find something you can validate... .and it seems to relax them... .let some pressure off... .keep that up.

If it turns abusive... .or accusing... .keep it about yourself... .don't blame them... .or indicate you are leaving because of them... ."This is a bit too intense for me... .I'm going to take a break... .I'll be back in a 5 minutes... ."

When you come back... .DO NOT apologize for leaving.  You needed a break... .you took care of yourself... .and you are back.  Maybe bring a glass of ice water with you... .for her.  Pick up and move along... .don't focus on you leaving or why. 

If it gets out of control again... .same thing... .leave for 10 minutes... .

The value that you are acting out... .is that you are important... .that you don't deserve to hear whatever nastiness is coming your way... .(don't explain it that way to her... .she will figure it out)

Thoughts? 

What have you learned that was new to you today?

FF

[Hmcbart]

Ah ha.more Star Wars references.

Like when Quigon is fighting Darth Maul. When the energy field comes up,Maul is still furious and striking the ground with his light saber.  Quigon sits down and is at peace with himself even when he knows the fight will continue.

FF you should write a book on how to use the force to overcome our internal struggles with our BPDso's, or really anything that is bothering us. It makes more sense than some of the other stuff I read.

[formflier]

 

Everyone organizes things differently... .there may be tons of people that don't "get" star wars... .the references and all of that.

The one thing that I haven't figure out how to properly tie to star wars... .is the setting of a boundary... .deciding when to leave a nasty argument... .

Best I can come up with so far is Darth Maul showing up on tatooine.  Qui-Gon engages Darth Maul just enough to get the spaceship going... .and then instead of staying and kicking Darth Maul's butt... .decides to skeedadle out of there.

My gut says he didn't really know what he was dealing with... .so better to make an exit... .get reinforcements... .and fight another day... .when you can win.

You rarely win... .fighting pwBPD traits... .

FF