A year to the day and still feel this way progress and regress

[emancipated]

My breakup ... big blowup kick me out was a year ago

Yesterday. She abandoned the dog we adopted together

Which now bothers me more than anything she did to me

Was I perfect absolutely not. But I loved her and wanted

To right every wrong that had ever been perpetrated

Against her. Do I love her probably. I haven't seen her

Since that day. She hid her new relationship . they are still

Together. He's a much older man and not much to look at

I miss the kids most of all. Being their stepdad loving their

Mom gave me an identity. And truth be told would be dead

Right now if it wasn't for those kids. I have a hard time

Letting go completely. Thought I had reached that place

Of being over it. I saw a picture the other day of them and

They both have appeared to put on alot of weight. I'm a

Bodybuilder and she was thick girl and she often made a

Big deal about my appearance and hers and oddly enough

The dad bod thing really reminds me of her with this guy.

I tried everything I could to love her and the kids and have

The life I thought we wanted. Am I mad this guy has that

Life ... oddly not I want her to be happy... I wanted it to be

With me. I dont know if I'll see her again... I blocked her on

Fb... changed my number but have the same emails so who

Knows. The fact remains regardless of the love I feel for

Her and the promises I made... I am quite sure I couldn't

Take her back. And any space she would take in my life

Would be to see the kids. I haven't been the same since

That relationship . I have no interest in sex whatsoever

I'm.much more quiet and reserved than I have ever been

I found out the dog we adopted that she abandoned found

A good home and they sent pics... and so I adopted a new

One and he has been a blessing. Now I work I lift weights

And day dream about nothing in particular. There are times

I still blame.myself for things but also recognize some of

Unhealthy things she did. I have a problem with

Acceptance... my family friends I felt never truelly accepted

And with her I did... I wanted kids w her and would have at

One time fought and died for her and the kids. But the lies

And crises that seemed to always pop up when I wasn't

Around ... I actually believed someone tried to abduct her

And that someone tried to break into our apartment one

Morning when I had already left for work... I realize now

They were lies or at very least a gross exaggeration of the

Events. I want to feel nothing for her... and would not bother

Me if she got roughed up a lil bit... I would like for her to

Realize she perjured the heart of a man who would have

Brought her the head of the John the Baptist had she

Requested it but I would like to see the kids and until that

Dies I can't help but not love their mother even if it was

A facade

[mitatsu]

Your story mirrors mine exactly save for not having a dog

be strong friend you will shine again and without lots of therapy she will not change the next man will go through the same its not about her partners its about her