False allegation

[SES]

Well, the house is almost sold... .However, her onward purchase has fallen through,  which brings jeopardy to the whole process of moving on.  

I can't get possession of the house.  

Prior to her onward sale falling through she removed most of the furniture and possessions we have.

Currently using a video camera and two audio recorders when she is at home .

She can't claim child maintenance as she agreed shared care.  She is after matrimonial support... .Despite our careers and pay being similar.  

[Matt]

Why does her purchase of another home matter?

Is there a way to arrange things so the house will be sold no matter what she does?

[SES]

I'm happy to sell up and then rent.  She wants to sell up and buy something else at the same time.  I can't force her to sell, unless I go to court... .Which can take up to a year apparently.   She is holding up the sale of our house by no longer having an onward purchase.   

I have an onward purchase lined up. ...   But, if it doesn't work out, it's no matter.   Divorce lawyer says primary goal is to sell house.  Selling house will force her to agree finances with me. If she doesn't , we can sell up, but the money from the sale gets held in trust until she gave reached financial agreement.   

[ForeverDad]

Did she sabotage her purchase?  I can see this easily getting delayed over and over for one reason or another.  Can you start the legal process now and let it proceed side by side with the voluntary sale/purchase?  Our concern is that 6 or 9 months from now she still won't have sold and if you then turn to the court process it will still take a year (or more) and not get resolved until 2017, rather than a year from now in mid-2016.

Court won't care about her desire to sell and move directly into a purchase.  They'll tell her what she buys is her decision but the house must be sold.  Problem is that if not prompted by you then court will likely issue a weak order without complete-by dates and no consequences specified for non-compliance.  If you do end up taking the court route it is your job to get a tight order with date thresholds for each step and specific consequences for delays or non-compliance.  (Court will still grant some delays but hopefully keep them limited due to the tight order.)  For example, one of the terms or stipulations of the court order could be that after X months she will have to vacate and you will henceforth take the lead in the sale and she will be required to sign required documents promptly so the sale can proceed.

[SES]

 I had also been wondering if she sabotaged her purchase.  Good news is, people buying our house have given a one month deadline to complete and move in, which puts urgency into matters.  She had a bid accepted on a new property, and its with the agent selling our house... .fingers crossed she goes through with it.  Its vacant, so should be quick.  I asked if i have grounds to take her to court... .but i currently don't.   I agreed, this has the potential to not be resolved... .esp when she starts living with the reality of her choices... I'm sure it will result in things getting worse.  In the meantime,  two audio recorders and a very small video camera... .I didn't have my kids this weekend,  so i went away for three nights... .i have my kids tonight and tomorrow. ... fingers crossed she stays away... .just waiting for the sound of her car pulling up.  Its really stressful.

[Matt]

People with BPD tend to be very passive-aggressive.  She may not even realize she's doing it, but she makes decisions which sabotage whatever you are trying to achieve.

In the short term, your attorney or realtor may be able to help you figure out a way to get the house sold without risk that your ex will sabotage it.  It may include asking the court to order her what to do.

Then the best strategy is to minimize any contact or involvement with her.  That's not always easy if you have kids together, but over time you will get better at living your own life and not being involved with her in any way.