BPD/Extreme NPD friend. Should I just go NC and walk?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I am looking for your advice. If you had a girlfriend that is justa friend (she wants romance but I cannot an not interested romantically because of her NPD/BPD. She is just a friend and has been for a few years. I do have reservations due to some personality issues that I cannot reconcile and will be a problem. She is  extremely Narcassist and admits it. All the classic traits from self absorbed to literally cutting you off mid sentence regardless of topic your on. I could be talking about my mother who passed and she would literally switch topics mid sentence to something about her. So I decided to not pursue romantically and stay friends. This is where it comes down to the reason I submitted this topic about, and ask for advice. I can remain friends with her, but have made mutual friends with her friends circle. I am a musician and held a benefit concert for my late best best last weekend. His family flew in from all over the US, and are musicians too who gathered for abenefit concert. So it was a memorial event and family reunion concert. I was swamped with performing and band logistics. My friend shows up with two others and literally disregarded my time and started fake flirting with me in front of all my friends and their wives. I was pissed as it was inappropriate and wasn't about her. She touts being a good  Christian all day, but always behaves towards others far from what she preaches. In this case, she tried to hurt my ex wife's feelings as she is friends with my late buddies family and attended.  I took great offense to this and told her she was becoming the elephant in the room. She then flipped me off and left the concert. I have not heard from her since. My question is, should I part ways as a friend with her given her NPD, and this also comes at a cost of losing the friends I made in her circle. Should I write a final letter telling her why I reacted that way, or go No contact and part ways? Does she even deserve my friendship? BtW, she started an argument with with me withen me hours after I buried my mother. So she lacks the empathy for others, that comes with NPD. I am at a cross roads about our friendship and am so pissed at her behaviour that I am re evaluating whether I want her in my life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Her BPD is classic too, as she has never hada heakthy relationship and even her ex husband divorced her over her behaviour. I do give peopel a second chance, but I am exhausted at her self absorbed personality and I am not sure she is worth teh friendship of the others at this point. Sorry for typos, I had eye surgery and am sending this via voice to text. Thank you.

[cheaptrick]

I am looking for your advice. If you had a girlfriend that is justa friend (she wants romance but I cannot an not interested romantically because of her NPD/BPD. She is just a friend and has been for a few years. I do have reservations due to some personality issues that I cannot reconcile and will be a problem. She is  extremely Narcassist and admits it. All the classic traits from self absorbed to literally cutting you off mid sentence regardless of topic your on. I could be talking about my mother who passed and she would literally switch topics mid sentence to something about her. So I decided to not pursue romantically and stay friends. This is where it comes down to the reason I submitted this topic about, and ask for advice. I can remain friends with her, but have made mutual friends with her friends circle. I am a musician and held a benefit concert for my late best best last weekend. His family flew in from all over the US, and are musicians too who gathered for abenefit concert. So it was a memorial event and family reunion concert. I was swamped with performing and band logistics. My friend shows up with two others and literally disregarded my time and started fake flirting with me in front of all my friends and their wives. I was pissed as it was inappropriate and wasn't about her. She touts being a good  Christian all day, but always behaves towards others far from what she preaches. In this case, she tried to hurt my ex wife's feelings as she is friends with my late buddies family and attended.  I took great offense to this and told her she was becoming the elephant in the room. She then flipped me off and left the concert. I have not heard from her since. My question is, should I part ways as a friend with her given her NPD, and this also comes at a cost of losing the friends I made in her circle. Should I write a final letter telling her why I reacted that way, or go No contact and part ways? Does she even deserve my friendship? BtW, she started an argument with with me withen me hours after I buried my mother. So she lacks the empathy for others, that comes with NPD. I am at a cross roads about our friendship and am so pissed at her behaviour that I am re evaluating whether I want her in my life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Her BPD is classic too, as she has never hada heakthy relationship and even her ex husband divorced her over her behaviour. I do give peopel a second chance, but I am exhausted at her self absorbed personality and I am not sure she is worth teh friendship of the others at this point. Sorry for typos, I had eye surgery and am sending this via voice to text. Thank you.

[once removed]

hey cheaptrick 

im sorry this happened. id likely have reacted the same way. very difficult for me to get on with self absorbed people, however, i have a close (best) friend who is admittedly, fairly similar, though im virtually certain he is not disordered. essentially, ive balanced my expectations of him, accepted that he is not perfect, that there are certain things he cant provide (and other friends can), and as a result, im pretty comfortable with our relationship.

id start by asking yourself a few questions.

what do you want to do?

what do you want from her? do you think she can she give that?

are there any positives to this relationship?

[repititionqueen]

I have been best friends with someone who has uBPD for 10 years and I have debated ending the friendship many times, however, i've stayed because her and I have a mutual understanding about her unstable behaviour. I choose to stay and work through the friendship because she tries her best to acknowledge her flaws and I try the best to acknowledge mine. It has definitely not been easy and there have been many times that she has hurt me and focused attention on her when I was going through something, heck, she has even ruined other friendships and relationships I've had with other people. Yet, there is a part of her that is always trying to look out for my best interests and have my back. It is all very contradictory and confusing. It is not an easy relationship to have but you ultimately need to decided if you are in or if you are out.

Does the good outweigh the bad? Can she sometimes be there for you? Are there any genuine moments?