Cheating Aftermath

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Has anybody gotten comments like, "He/She probably cheated because you weren't treating him/her right" from family, friends or other people? Breaking up with somebody because of treatment is one thing. We all have that right, but there is no excuse for cheating.

[MrTardyPresent]

Has anybody gotten comments like, "He/She probably cheated because you weren't treating him/her right" from family, friends or other people? Breaking up with somebody because of treatment is one thing. We all have that right, but there is no excuse for cheating.

[chill1986]

Had a few saying she probably got another guy, but I know this isn't true.

Do they have experience in personality disorders? If not, I'd take whatever they say with a pinch of salt. They don't really understand.

[Mutt]

I can understand how invalidating that would be hearing from family members and friends that our partner's cheating is OK on the assumption that it was because of your actions MrTardyPresent.

We can only control our actions and behaviors and not someone else's. Did they ask you your side of the story or are they making assumptions?

[MrTardyPresent]

No, they don't have experience with personality disorders. My mom has BPD (explains my turbulent childhood) and she would sometimes vouch for my BPDex. I told my mom about my BPDex's cheating and instead of consoling me she says, "That doesn't make her a bad person" with a look of guilt in her eyes (she's done this in the past with my dad). I've even gotten remarks from feminists on the internet claiming that "guys cheat all of the time" or "get over it and man up." It's emasculating. One minute men are criticized for being as cold as ice but when we show emotion we get told to "man up." It used to grind my gears, but I'm almost immune to stress now especially since I've been taking cold showers for 3 months now, taking inositol powder, working out, meditating and reading.

[chill1986]

Wtf? How can that behaviour be justified!

My Dad and sister have justified some of my exs behaviour and have similar things to man up. My mum is more in tune with her emotions as are my friends and they understand and tell me her behaviour is unacceptable.

I don't even talk about it to my dad or sister anymore. My exs behaviour doesn't anger me, I know she is sick, but my family condoning it makes me mad.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Not a single person said such a thing. All a person has is their character, and all my friends and family are well aware of mine. They did, however, say she was probably using me the 10 years we were together. So that's what they think of her character... .

[MrTardyPresent]

Yeah, me neither. I can't talk about it with my mom and her side of the family anymore. My ex isn't diagnosed, but she has all of the symptoms of a BPD Waif. Hearing stuff like that makes me start to doubt that she's a BPD at times and that I'm the crazy one, but I know that's not the case. And that sucks that that happened to you for a decade shadow. We can't turn back the hands of time, but I know one things for sure, we learned something from our experiences even if it was/is a bitter pill to swallow.

[Mutt]

I've even gotten remarks from feminists on the internet claiming that "guys cheat all of the time" or "get over it and man up." It's emasculating.

Painting everyone with the same brush stroke is over-generalizing and black and white thinking. I like to look at the grey areas in life  

One minute men are criticized for being as cold as ice but when we show emotion we get told to "man up."

I can understand how that would grind someone's gears. I think that we're taught from childhood sometimes that we're not supposed to convey emotion. Everyone's different and copes differently. It's good to have a postmortem and grieve the relationship and not bottle our emotions and feelings in. A break-up with a pwBPD leaves us with deep wounds, confusion and chaos. It helps to talk.

[zundertowz]

My ex befriended My mother who has narc BPD traits on FB even though I told them both not to contact each other... .the traingulation worked and my mother bought all her ___... .that was until I left and didn't come back when my ex flipped out on my mother then blocked her.