Is this Intentional Manipulation or Coincedence

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I went NC on my ex about 2.5 months ago.  No explanation, no more words, I just disappeared.  It was very hard, the hardest thing I have ever done.  To make it even harder, she never even reached out to see where I went.  Essentially, she just let me go.

She has never been diagnosed with BPD, but my therapist says 100% she is a borderline.

After about 6 weeks or so, I got a call from her.  I did not answer.  She did not leave a message, and I have heard nothing since.

During our relationship, she would lie constantly, pretty much on a daily basis, but she was so good at it and so manipulative, it seemed as if all of her "stories" could actually make sense.  One of her "stories" was that her sister was diagnosed with cancer.  She had such elaborate detail and knowledge of the situation, it seemed true.  She went so far as to tell me I could call her sister and talk to her to confirm that this was true.  I never did.  My good friend who is actually her cousin contacted her father, who said no, his daughter does not have cancer.

After our breakup, the wife of my friend who is her cousin was diagnosed with cancer.  The wife and my ex are enemies and the two families do not speak.  My ex and the wife have never spoken on the phone, and have no relationship.  I was made aware my ex called the wife, which is completely out of the norm,  In the conversation she again mentioned her sister has cancer.  Again, they called her father and denied it being the case.

Last week when discussing this with my therapist, he mentioned to me that my ex has been viewing his Facebook page.  We actually went to the therapist once together, and she said she did not like him.  He could tell as she viewed his page as she popped up on his screen as people he may know.

I found this two occurrences very odd. 

Maybe coincidence?

[bjm]

I went NC on my ex about 2.5 months ago.  No explanation, no more words, I just disappeared.  It was very hard, the hardest thing I have ever done.  To make it even harder, she never even reached out to see where I went.  Essentially, she just let me go.

She has never been diagnosed with BPD, but my therapist says 100% she is a borderline.

After about 6 weeks or so, I got a call from her.  I did not answer.  She did not leave a message, and I have heard nothing since.

During our relationship, she would lie constantly, pretty much on a daily basis, but she was so good at it and so manipulative, it seemed as if all of her "stories" could actually make sense.  One of her "stories" was that her sister was diagnosed with cancer.  She had such elaborate detail and knowledge of the situation, it seemed true.  She went so far as to tell me I could call her sister and talk to her to confirm that this was true.  I never did.  My good friend who is actually her cousin contacted her father, who said no, his daughter does not have cancer.

After our breakup, the wife of my friend who is her cousin was diagnosed with cancer.  The wife and my ex are enemies and the two families do not speak.  My ex and the wife have never spoken on the phone, and have no relationship.  I was made aware my ex called the wife, which is completely out of the norm,  In the conversation she again mentioned her sister has cancer.  Again, they called her father and denied it being the case.

Last week when discussing this with my therapist, he mentioned to me that my ex has been viewing his Facebook page.  We actually went to the therapist once together, and she said she did not like him.  He could tell as she viewed his page as she popped up on his screen as people he may know.

I found this two occurrences very odd. 

Maybe coincidence?

[rotiroti]

You know it sounds like from how you describe your ex, she knows who to garner sympathy using the cancer story. Plus cancer is big news even for a distant cousin, maybe trying to show support the only way she knows how.

Or it could really be that the dad really doesn't know.

Or maybe she construed a doctor visit as 'cancer.' I had a friend (who is not BPD but a hypochondriac) that would say any abnormal lab test was a cancer and go nuts about it.

And the whole facebook thing appears unrelated. What would it mean for you if she was looking at the page?

-----

[bjm]

In my mind I think checking out my therapist means she is thinking about me.  Why else would she be checking out my therapist... .

I think she knows calling the cousin would get back to me, and that would make me want to reach out... .

Im not sure, Im so lost over the whole thing.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey bjm, I doubt it's a coincidence.  Those w/BPD are highly driven by their feelings, which can lead to stalking and other obsessive behavior.  Steer clear, is my suggestion.

LuckyJim

[bjm]

Then why won't she just contact me directly?

[rotiroti]

Anyone would feel lost bjm.

I can tell you that I left on a similar manner. I left a short SET note that was really brief saying that we were done. I blocked all avenues of contact during detachment. She tried to contact me through mutual friends and family at one point and it was difficult not to reach out. I needed the nc for me... .Really struggled with my decision despite knowing that it was the right one for me. Have you started work with your T (awesome job btw!) on processing your feelings? It sounds like you left because you were unhappy and to explore that further with a T has been really helpful for me.

The story is repeated over and over again. going back would cause even more pain, normal "closure" is impossible to get from the pwBPD, and that we must find it in ourselves.