Taking the next step (gently)?

[Depression = 72% of members]

H is talking now. We're having almost normal conversation between him insisting that he can't see me (even in public with a third party) because it's "risking his life." I suspect he thinks I'm going to have him grabbed and deported, but he clearly doesn't understand that when you have a SSN in the U.S., you can't hide. But oh well.

He also continues to insist that I did "those things," which I ignore and change the topic.

But our conversation is centering around me helping him find work (I sent him a link for a job board last night and today took and texted him a photo of a notice for a job I thought he'd like). He checks on my general welfare like if I'm eating (an important inquiry for Haitians) and if I need money (quite the change from him insisting a few months ago that I took his life savings).

So now what? I'm talking with my husband almost normally, but I can't see him (and am not sure I want to). He insists divorce is the only option although he regularly bemoans that fact and tells me he loves me and hurts so much from all this, but will not consider counseling individually or together.

So I'm collecting evidence of his mental condition and plan to present it privately to the judge with the consideration of his immigrant status, hoping she will make a consideration to recommend 6 months of counseling plus (possibly) anger management classes and then have us come back to talk about the D. I'm getting a ton of evidence including statements, police reports, emails from the one therapist who was concerned for my safety after talking with him, photos of my bruises, photos of the pile of his luggage he left in the livingroom for a month, etc.

Anyone relating to this at all? I was told by his lawyer as well as by the judge's clerk and friends that I can request a private meeting with the judge prior to the hearing.

Also checking on legal assistance, but that's a bit more tricky since I might needing a divorce attorney as well as an immigration attorney.

Or do I just sit and wait? I hate waiting . . . (Princess Bride? Anyone?)

[ptilda]

H is talking now. We're having almost normal conversation between him insisting that he can't see me (even in public with a third party) because it's "risking his life." I suspect he thinks I'm going to have him grabbed and deported, but he clearly doesn't understand that when you have a SSN in the U.S., you can't hide. But oh well.

He also continues to insist that I did "those things," which I ignore and change the topic.

But our conversation is centering around me helping him find work (I sent him a link for a job board last night and today took and texted him a photo of a notice for a job I thought he'd like). He checks on my general welfare like if I'm eating (an important inquiry for Haitians) and if I need money (quite the change from him insisting a few months ago that I took his life savings).

So now what? I'm talking with my husband almost normally, but I can't see him (and am not sure I want to). He insists divorce is the only option although he regularly bemoans that fact and tells me he loves me and hurts so much from all this, but will not consider counseling individually or together.

So I'm collecting evidence of his mental condition and plan to present it privately to the judge with the consideration of his immigrant status, hoping she will make a consideration to recommend 6 months of counseling plus (possibly) anger management classes and then have us come back to talk about the D. I'm getting a ton of evidence including statements, police reports, emails from the one therapist who was concerned for my safety after talking with him, photos of my bruises, photos of the pile of his luggage he left in the livingroom for a month, etc.

Anyone relating to this at all? I was told by his lawyer as well as by the judge's clerk and friends that I can request a private meeting with the judge prior to the hearing.

Also checking on legal assistance, but that's a bit more tricky since I might needing a divorce attorney as well as an immigration attorney.

Or do I just sit and wait? I hate waiting . . . (Princess Bride? Anyone?)

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Better to be proactive... .safely. If his lawyer volunteered the fact that you can request a private meeting with the judge, that telegraphs to me that he may be concerned about you. Do you feel that might be the case?

[ptilda]

Better to be proactive... .safely. If his lawyer volunteered the fact that you can request a private meeting with the judge, that telegraphs to me that he may be concerned about you. Do you feel that might be the case?

I think his L was uninformed about the immigration matter, which seems to have shaped her response to me, and when I mentioned that I believe H is BPD, she didn't seem too surprised. So yea. I think I the L is a decent person who doesn't want to be part of creating a long-term disaster for H. . . which is what the divorce is destined to be.