Just out of the relationship from hell

[Musician340]

So i just got out of a relationship that hit rocky roads at month 2 or so, closer to month 3. I just got out of it very recently at around month 5. Just before the break up, we had a vacation to go on for 4 short days where we were meeting her family for camping. Needless to say the vacation was a nightmare because of her moody, rude and disrespectful attitude towards me. Prior to going on the trip, the day before we left actually, she had told me she has borderline personality disorder and she made one attempt to seek treatment but dropped out early because she decided it wasn't for her (guess she was in a group setting). We had already broken up one time, I actually broke it off with her and told her she couldn't stay with me anymore because it simply wasn't working out about a month ago. After a week I found myself thinking about her quite a bit and figured i cared about her more then i knew I did. Reached out, decided to work on things. Obviously it didn't work. She took zero responsibility for her frequent outbursts of anger, the littlest thing would set her off. Would put knots in my stomach. She always blamed it on the fact that she didn't feel well, or it was her period, or whatever but it was never her fault although she admitted to me she was never happy and depressed and in between job and sick all the time (frequent migraines and a gluten allergy. Although I think there was some Merritt to her health conditions, I think she was a hypochondriac a bit because she would think little moles on her body could be cancerous) etc. I had a feeling she was lying to me towards the end and she started making elaborate excuses as to why she couldn't see me. Always very disrespectful. I was very accommodating, taking care of her when she felt ill, told her how beautiful she was, took care of the check all the time and paid for things since I have no problem I do well for myself. Sex was incredible. Was very chivalrous.


Couldn't figure out what the problem was. I had made it clear that since we both agreed she wasn't happy with herself and that brought about the beginning of the end of our relationship that she would get help at a therapist and seek medical help from specialists for her ailments as far as hr not feeling well all the time. Was very supportive and loving and told her as long as she put her best foot forward and met me half way that i would help her go through the changes she needed to make because i loved her. But she showed no effort and was constantly rude and moody and snappy and she didn't like the fact that I wasn't allowing her to manipulate me, at least not over the long term, because I have respect for myself and stood up for my own dignity and would fight back when I felt mis treated. But she would continually rope me back in with her seductive charm and gorgeous looks. Which i think for men, is a big part of the problem. Not having a healthy self image (which I do, I have healthy self esteem and self respect which i think she couldn't stand) and putting up with the bull___ when a girl is hot. Essential becoming a doormat. here started to be excuses for the lack of sex like a UTI (she would say she had a urinary tract infection, or when her period was coming her PMS was making her less affectionate to the point where just hugging and kissing was like pulling teeth... ridiculous... ). Once she realized she couldn't be my puppet master, i think that's when she started to withdrawal. She couldn't always get her way. And although I exhibited self respect and in tolerance for her behavior which would in turn cause most people to re-evaluate how they are treating you if they are normal and healthy, but i learned the hard way with BPD sufferers they just push people away.


She had a strained relationship with her family feeling alienated and mis understood by them (a hallmark of BPD sufferers according to my research), she swore her mother was a monster and some evil person when I saw nothing but a nice loving supportive lady that for example dropped what she was doing the day I had broken up with her the first time and helped her move her belongings out of my house, she was afraid that i would leave her again and even before I broke up with her the first time she was scared of being abandoned (another hallmark of BPD sufferers), she was extremely sensitive and would act i was doing something wrong and would snap on me and cause a full blown fight which provoked my temper (which takes alotttt... I have to really be pushed in order to get angry like that and lash back with hurtful words for example), and then she wouldn't take any responsibility. Making excuses for her behavior, attempting to manipulate me into thinking I needed to be more patient with her and I would never find a women that wasn't rude and disrespectful and moody which I think was a total crock, attempt at manipulating me into thinking I would be alone unless i put up with it. Bull___! No excuse to be treating someone that way and expecting them to jeopardize their emotional and mental integrity! I don't buy it.


I was the classic cliche, nice guy that was being used. But i didn't allow her to think my kindness was a sign of weakness and got out while the getting was good. I feel bad for her and other BPD sufferers. I would love some insight on this type of situation and what I've talked about here. But more importantly, besides the positive reassurance from other victims of abusive relationships, I want to say to anyone still dealing with this, DO NOT! GET OUT! YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEONE LIKE THIS AND IT'S NOT YOUR JOB! I knew there was a big problem when I started second guessing my discretion and judgement because I was so emotionally wrapped up in this girl's beauty and seduction that I started throwing my own logic and reasoning abilities out the window. I was smart enough to stop it and not allow her to be an emotional vampire anymore. Do the same! Ignore their manipulation when trying to say things will be fine and apologize! I have no regrets as far as getting back together with her because I figured out the rabbit hole went alot deeper then I was willing to find out and I satisfied my curiosity as to why I was so intrigued by this girl and I would have never found out why I was beating my head against the wall trying to reason with an unreasonable person, she has this horrible disorder. Bingo! No wonder. So don't think you are crazy, and be confident enough to walk away. I am certain that I had a few other BPD girlfriends too, if not they at the very least conveyed some BPD attributes to me while dating them as well. Thanks for reading and sharing insight!

[turbo squash]

I would love some insight on this type of situation and what I've talked about here. But more importantly, besides the positive reassurance from other victims of abusive relationships, I want to say to anyone still dealing with this, DO NOT! GET OUT! YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEONE LIKE THIS AND IT'S NOT YOUR JOB!

This indicates to me that you may have posted this in the wrong board. People here are trying to improve the relationships with their loved ones that suffer from BPD.

I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time with all of this. You seem to have had a really negative experience. The difficult part about BPD is that despite it being a firm diagnosis that has a list of symptoms, it affects everybody differently. Additionally, people that suffer from this disease can have widely varying views on therapy and how helpful it is for them.

My wife went to therapy for five years before we met. I see that as the biggest reason why she has been able to control her symptoms as well as she has throughout our entire relationship. She has made mistakes and so have I. We are separated right now.

However, both of us have been accepting responsibility for our actions. We have both been apologizing. She has been meeting a few of my needs when I have asked her to meet them. She has been going to therapy again. She is making more good choices to pull herself out of this hole that she helped dig for herself.

In short, out of the three years we have been together, the last two months are the only consistently rough times that we have had. This means that more than 94% of our relationship has been generally positive. Have these past two months been gut wrenching and difficult? Of course, but there are a lot of things that I also did to contribute to the situation. That doesn't excuse her actions, but it makes it easier to forgive. It seems like we could get back together by the end of this month. Maybe not.

Even if we don't get back together, I feel confident in saying that we would divorce on good terms. Whether or not we get back together really hinges on both of us figuring out our boundaries and whether or not we can respect them. Even if we realize that we wouldn't ultimately be a good fit, we still love each other and would be willing to let go.

All BPD relationships have difficult moments, but in reality, all relationships do too. Untreated BPD is definitely hard. I won't try to pretend like it isn't. However, not all people diagnosed with BPD refuse treatment and there are people that are able to improve and live significantly better lives.

[ShadowIntheNight]

I would love some insight on this type of situation and what I've talked about here. But more importantly, besides the positive reassurance from other victims of abusive relationships, I want to say to anyone still dealing with this, DO NOT! GET OUT! YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEONE LIKE THIS AND IT'S NOT YOUR JOB!

This indicates to me that you may have posted this in the wrong board. People here are trying to improve the relationships with their loved ones that suffer from BPD.

I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time with all of this. You seem to have had a really negative experience. The difficult part about BPD is that despite it being a firm diagnosis that has a list of symptoms, it affects everybody differently. Additionally, people that suffer from this disease can have widely varying views on therapy and how helpful it is for them.

My wife went to therapy for five years before we met. I see that as the biggest reason why she has been able to control her symptoms as well as she has throughout our entire relationship. She has made mistakes and so have I. We are separated right now.

However, both of us have been accepting responsibility for our actions. We have both been apologizing. She has been meeting a few of my needs when I have asked her to meet them. She has been going to therapy again. She is making more good choices to pull herself out of this hole that she helped dig for herself.

In short, out of the three years we have been together, the last two months are the only consistently rough times that we have had. This means that more than 94% of our relationship has been generally positive. Have these past two months been gut wrenching and difficult? Of course, but there are a lot of things that I also did to contribute to the situation. That doesn't excuse her actions, but it makes it easier to forgive. It seems like we could get back together by the end of this month. Maybe not.

Even if we don't get back together, I feel confident in saying that we would divorce on good terms. Whether or not we get back together really hinges on both of us figuring out our boundaries and whether or not we can respect them. Even if we realize that we wouldn't ultimately be a good fit, we still love each other and would be willing to let go.

All BPD relationships have difficult moments, but in reality, all relationships do too. Untreated BPD is definitely hard. I won't try to pretend like it isn't. However, not all people diagnosed with BPD refuse treatment and there are people that are able to improve and live significantly better lives.

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Never mind.