Shutting down/ blocking out fights ~

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi everyone,

My ex husband as well as my father have BPD. I have realized that one bad coping mechanism I have learned is to block out people during arguments when they become heated. I can't remember but a handful of arguments with my ex despite them occurring daily. This increases my tolerance to abusive behavior and I would like to remedy it, but I feel like it's very engrained in me by having an abusive father. Can anyone offer any advice?

[Auslaunder]

Hi everyone,

My ex husband as well as my father have BPD. I have realized that one bad coping mechanism I have learned is to block out people during arguments when they become heated. I can't remember but a handful of arguments with my ex despite them occurring daily. This increases my tolerance to abusive behavior and I would like to remedy it, but I feel like it's very engrained in me by having an abusive father. Can anyone offer any advice?

[Kwamina]

Hi Auslaunder,

What might help is to make a list of some alternative things you could do that might be more 'healthy' coping mechanisms. Instead of just blocking the abuse out, you could perhaps try to assert yourself and set and enforce/defend firm boundaries to protect yourself. How does the thought of not blocking people out during heated arguments make you feel? Do you feel comfortable asserting yourself and enforcing/defending your boundaries?

The following resources might be helpful to you:

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits

Asserting yourself: D.E.A.R.M.A.N. technique