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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: roughly 3 months no contact I decided to break it  (Read 995 times)
problemsolver
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 212


« Reply #30 on: September 11, 2015, 07:43:21 PM »

Hi Problemsolver

Im afraid that in these cases its highly unlikely to get closure from them. We can only give ourselves it. I have so many unanswered questions and never got closure from either of my two exs. That said I do have some closure which Ive given myself. Ive accepted they are who they are and do what they do. Ive forgiven myself for getting involved with them. Ive told myself that Im a good person and deserve to be happy.

I realise that I don't need them to confess their wrongs and beg my forgiveness.

Yeah I understand ... I suppose I have to now "move on" from my own inner closure.
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Fr4nz
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 568



« Reply #31 on: September 12, 2015, 04:27:42 AM »

Hi Problemsolver

Im afraid that in these cases its highly unlikely to get closure from them. We can only give ourselves it. I have so many unanswered questions and never got closure from either of my two exs. That said I do have some closure which Ive given myself. Ive accepted they are who they are and do what they do. Ive forgiven myself for getting involved with them. Ive told myself that Im a good person and deserve to be happy.

I realise that I don't need them to confess their wrongs and beg my forgiveness.

Yeah I understand ... I suppose I have to now "move on" from my own inner closure.

Unfortunately this is the way they are most of the times... .they give you NO closure. And it's a big pain.

However, as time passes by, thanks to no contact you realize the toxicity of the relationship because of the BPD, even if they indeed have many good qualities, and you realize that a peaceful relationship with a person afflicted by BPD is just impossible in the long run.

Let her go and focus on yourself: in time you'll heal and realize that you can absolutely live without her and know new, amazing people! Smiling (click to insert in post)
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