Let the Smear Campaign begin ...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Welp, I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but it has.  My ex has begun telling people that he broke up with me because I'm too controlling and that I spied on/stalked him.  The part he doesn't tell them, though, is that he ASKED me to do certain things in order to "save him from himself" ... .Yes.  He has a sex addiction and so he would always do something bad, break down and cry, beg me to help him.  He would want me to help him clear out his Facebook profile of former flings (probably just wanted to make me jealous, in hindsight).  He would want me to join him for lunch at his work every single day so he wouldn't be "tempted" to stalk the restrooms.  He asked me to help him find a sex addiction counselor and read a self-help book with him, and then help him implement the ideas.  In actuality, *he* was controlling *me* -- I had made it clear a number of times how uncomfortable I was policing his behaviors, and at one point I flat-out refused to join him for lunch because I just didn't want to babysit.

Good lord I thought I had this codependency thing behind me long ago.  Sigh.  Guess it's back to therapy.

[Creativum]

Welp, I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but it has.  My ex has begun telling people that he broke up with me because I'm too controlling and that I spied on/stalked him.  The part he doesn't tell them, though, is that he ASKED me to do certain things in order to "save him from himself" ... .Yes.  He has a sex addiction and so he would always do something bad, break down and cry, beg me to help him.  He would want me to help him clear out his Facebook profile of former flings (probably just wanted to make me jealous, in hindsight).  He would want me to join him for lunch at his work every single day so he wouldn't be "tempted" to stalk the restrooms.  He asked me to help him find a sex addiction counselor and read a self-help book with him, and then help him implement the ideas.  In actuality, *he* was controlling *me* -- I had made it clear a number of times how uncomfortable I was policing his behaviors, and at one point I flat-out refused to join him for lunch because I just didn't want to babysit.

Good lord I thought I had this codependency thing behind me long ago.  Sigh.  Guess it's back to therapy.

[klacey3]

Sorry to hear about this. It must be incredibly frustrating to have tried so hard with your ex, only to have him lie about you and disrespect you like that. You know the truth. How do you know that your ex is actually saying this? Maybe the people he tells won't believe it anyway.

It is hard but you have to try really hard to just not care what people think. There is nothing you can do about the smear campaign unless you want to stick up for yourself but that may cause even more drama.

[cyclistIII]

Ouch! That sucks.

Sorry, I don't have anything more useful to say, except to second that, aside from people who are close to you, you probably have to just let go of what people might think of you and move on.

Yuck! Sorry that happened to you.

[Michelle27]

Mine is also working on a smear campaign.  I'm apparently a controlling abusive wife.  I shouldn't be surprised because it's how he presented his first marriage to me when we met, which I found out later was 3 weeks after his 1st wife kicked him out.  I should have talked to her 15 years ago instead of believing everything he said about her.  I've talked to her for several hours on 3 different occasions over the past few weeks, and not surprisingly, everything he ever told me was a lie.  Her words were, "he can't tell the truth to save his life".  Yup.

[hurting300]

Hey guys, listen ... let them talk ok. Trust that people will eventually see thru it.

[MakingMyWay]

It is incredibly frustrating that people believe what they say as well. Even people they've consistently lied to in the past will still come to the rescue of the pwBPD. I was accused of stalking too, we go to the same university, we ran into each other (go figure) twice, talked one of those times. Her dad called furious accusing me of stalking her. That was two days after actually talking to her, so obviously she'd been thinking about how to spin it for a while. He made some crazy accusations that I had saved her timetable from when we were dating and was following her. That was the first thing I deleted when she dumped me, to avoid accusations like that

They are master manipulators of people who are willing to come to their rescue. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at their attempts to come across as the victim. Some people will see straight through the mask they are wearing, but obviously some will come to their defence as well and usually quite ferociously. 

[precipitation]

My exBPDgf told people many of the same things. I was mortified.

Asking myself ":)o these folks' opinions generally matter to me?" helped. It certainly bothered me that she was telling lies about me (I tend to want to be seen as a good person and I couldn't believe she would portray me like that) but ultimately, it didn't make a difference whether her friends liked me or not in terms of me living my life. It was pretty much out of my control.

[focus]

A couple of years ago I was acused of stalking my uBPDexgf, we had not talked for years. She moved close to where I lived and a few months ago I heard about that she had been telling people I was stalking her and she was affraid of me.

When we lived close to each other she was always on the "people you may know" list on my facebook.

Guess she was cyberstalking me until she blocked me on fb.

Only thing I can hope for is that people thought she was over reacting.

[problemsolver]

Like many have said , there really isn't anything you can do... don't be consumed by the opinions of others my BPDex has told many mutual "friend's" of ours that I cheated on her... .she told this to roughly 30+ people... .most of these girls don't even look at me the same... .nothing I can do though it's life... she plays the victim gets love from everyone and I look like a piece of sh@#