Doom feeling when I wake up then relief at night...anyone else?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am trying to work my way through a very tough divorce with my BPDw.

I'm totally perplexed... .looking for wisdom.

For the last few days I have noticed a pattern.

When I open my eyes first thing in the morning I feel like I am dying from the overwhelming sense of doom that invades my whole being. It takes me a few hours to peel myself out of the bed. It lets up a little bit but stays with me most of the day.

And then when evening comes, I notice the heaviness begin to lift and by 7 pm the heaviness is almost down to nothing and I feel back to normal and I get encouraged that I'm making progress. Then I wake up the next morning right back in the pit, I just don't get it.

Anyone else experience this or have any info to share?

[Rameses]

I am trying to work my way through a very tough divorce with my BPDw.

I'm totally perplexed... .looking for wisdom.

For the last few days I have noticed a pattern.

When I open my eyes first thing in the morning I feel like I am dying from the overwhelming sense of doom that invades my whole being. It takes me a few hours to peel myself out of the bed. It lets up a little bit but stays with me most of the day.

And then when evening comes, I notice the heaviness begin to lift and by 7 pm the heaviness is almost down to nothing and I feel back to normal and I get encouraged that I'm making progress. Then I wake up the next morning right back in the pit, I just don't get it.

Anyone else experience this or have any info to share?

[once removed]

hey rameses  

i experienced something similar. theres a lot at play here. the intensity you are used to, the intensity you are still in, the intensity you are recovering from. frankly, its hard for it to pass when youre still in it.

will it pass eventually? sure. but in the mean time you might consider trying some supplements or seeing a doctor; its a really debilitating place to be in, makes it pretty difficult to function throughout the day, and may not go away on its own. i can recommend some supplements that helped me if youre interested. but i do understand how challenging this can be, it can make doing the bare minimum feel utterly impossible. hang in there  

[Turkish]

Rameses,

Dealing with our emotions is tough. I found peace in sleep, but up awaking would feel, "oh, great, I'm back in reality." /cynic.

A year gone is the crying be every day. i still find it hard to be easy on myself.

Detachment is a process. Do you feel tortured by your own thoughts? Two years out, I often still feel like this. Whatever stage we're at, it can be tough:

Stop Being Tortured By Your Own Thoughts

Does this feel familiar?

[Rameses]

Thanks Once... .yes I am starting to get concerned that I am getting worse each day right now.

I would be very interested in hearing about the supplements you use.

Thank you

[cyclistIII]

I know that's a common thing in depression, to feel better as the day goes on and then after waking up feel terrible again... .so much that one treatment (in extreme cases only) is apparently to induce insomnia... .brain chemistry and emotions are really complicated and weird.

[Rameses]

[quote author=Turkish link=topic=284606.msg12684192#msg12684192 date

Detachment is a process. Do you feel tortured by your own thoughts? Two years out, I often still feel like this. Whatever stage we're at, it can be tough:

Stop Being Tortured By Your Own Thoughts

Does this feel familiar? [/quote]
Wow Turkish, I actually read this twice this morning.

I may need to look at med options.

[enlighten me]

Hi Rameses

Can I ask how your sleep pattern is?

How long now compared to what you used to have?

Is it the same time that you fall asleep as before and the same time you wake up?

Our body has a thing called the cicadidian rhythm which regulates our sleep pattern among other things. When this gets out of sync it can leave us feeling all over the place. Mine used to get out of whack when I worked different shifts and left me feeling awful. I felt the same post break up. By trying to reset it I felt a lot better.

Im not saying this is whats going on in your case but might be worth looking at as what you described sounded familiar to me and not just from a post BPD perspective.

[once removed]

to piggyback on enlighten me, sleep pattern is huge. when i ended up seeing a doctor it was his primary concern.

i am not an expert on supplements so do not take my word for any of this, please research, and if you are taking any medications, check for interactions. they are also not a cure, but the right supplements can really make things much more manageable.

there are three supplements i swear by, some alternatives, and some things recommended to me.

sam-e is a mood stabilizer considered as effective if not more than a prescription anti depressant. takes a few days to two weeks to kick in. when it did, for me, it was huge. all the ruminating, everything i was going through at the time became so much smaller in my head and i felt so much less desperate and frankly cared so much less. alternatives are st johns wort and 5-htp. i think some of them can be combined.

i had daily anxiety attacks that usually started within an hour of waking up. passion flower completely stopped them both at the time and in general. hard to say if thats exactly what youre experiencing, but feelings of impending doom are symptomatic of anxiety. i used passion flower in both pill and drop form.

after some time i stopped progressing so i tried some others. ashwagahnda really brought me over that hump in a similar way to sam-e, but in just a day or two. it "helps your body adapt to stress".

sleep stuff:

melatonin and valerian. melatonin, the first few nights i took it, had an almost drug like effect. eliminated my anxiety, made me feel better, and made me WANT to go to sleep. i dont know if thats a normal reaction, it is generally just a sleep aid. valerian can reduce anxiety some, increases your quality of sleep, and makes you more likely to remember your dreams. honestly im not sure if in your case remembering your dreams is a great idea.

there are several, several other supplements. believe me, i have tried most of them. these are what worked for me, others may work for you. i strongly recommend finding an herb store as opposed to finding these things in a grocery store (some you cant). in my experience sam-e at a grocery store was twice as expensive and would very badly upset my stomach.

you are virtually certain to get major relief from supplements but again they are not a cure. try what youre interested in after research, but please do not hesitate to see a doctor. hope this helps. do keep reading and posting, and always consider a therapist.

[myself]

In the earlier stages of detachment, the mornings were harder for me.

Now, farther along, I more often wake up looking forward to the day.

It's when I go to bed that loneliness and etc. will be stirred up again.

Seeing that you're making progress as the days go on is a good thing.

Don't talk yourself into making this a bigger problem than it is/needs be.

If you're letting go, you're also grieving. Lots to process with that.

":)oom." What is that for you? How deep? How heavy?

Break it down by layers, emotions, expectations... .

Easier to deal with individual pieces than the whole thing all at once.

[Bigmd]

I can relate . This is the same that happens to me. I wake up sometimes in fear and shaking. As the day goes on its better. As the night comes I look forward to sleep and I feel good. I also notice I feel very alone, especially when my daughter isn't here.

[Hidden Dragon]

This is "normal"; body and brain produce neurotransmitters and other stimulants through the day. You must try sports, herbals, friends, usual stuff.

If you feel  really overhelmed or very bad more than few weeks then there are big chances you may need some prescription, it works wonders then (well, it is artificial with side effects, but gives you the chance to get out of the hole  - possibly with a therapist - and live on your own in the near future). Doing nothing, staying depressed is the worst way.

[Sunfl0wer]

I had the exact same issue a couple of years ago.  I honestly cannot recall exactly what was going on in my life at that moment.  I do remember resolving it with my T, so it must have been around the time my uNPD/BPDtraits/ex and I were beginning to have issues come to the surface.

Anyway... .

The T looked at me and said, "Well stop that!"  I was initially frustrated.  The experience felt completely out of my control and coming from within my body.  However, I recall just waking up, overwhelmed by the thought of living and going through life, the relief by the end of the day... .just like you describe.

Well the possibility of "controlling" it appeared impossible but it actually worked and within a couple of months... .was 100% gone, never came back.  (It had been going on for almost a year... .before I worked on it). I guess I got stuck in a pattern... .that was repeating itself.

Anyway... .

The fact that things calmed down at night... .told me that I was afraid of responsibilities during the day hours... .afraid of failing, afraid of things going wrong, afraid I failed and was just heading off to a day to confront my failure or get reprimanded, or live the consequences.  This was the feeling behind my wakening... .when I dug deep.  This is why by evening it resolved... .because by nighttime, no one could ask me to do any task.  Work wouldn't contact me, there were no family, kid or other responsibilities to face by evening as most people agree that that is a wind down time for all.

So I taught myself to "wake up looking forward to each day" by any means necessary.  I started my morning off with yoga, or exercise.  I threw every possibility at this issue I could, and just the fact that I was trying so consciously to change my thinking each am... .was indeed helpful.  I would go to bed, write in a gratitude journal, wake up, write in some positive intentions for the day, thank myself, love myself in my journal.  I tried meditation in the am and evening.  This all helped, however, I found some anxiety still.  I found that I was actually disappointed in myself for neglecting some responsibilities that had snowballed into scary tasks.  So I began tackling those... .till I was truly proud of my efforts and felt I did my best.

I began to wake up desperately working at being positive, (as equally desperate as those doom feelings were) focusing my mind on gratitude... .crowding out any feelings of doom.  It worked!  Soon, it became less and less effort and the cycle was broken.

Looking back to this in full force... .When this was going on... .it felt so out of control.  It did not feel at all possible to change as it really felt like it was coming from inside of me... .before I was even fully consciously awake.  However, after it was resolved, I was elated when I started realizing I could wake up happy and look forward to my day!

That was really tough to experience!