Freedom at last

[Johnny1more]

My affair with her began 20 months ago. In the process I lost my partner of 10 years... .she kept her husband. It was hot for 6 months though I did try to shake her off after 3 months but failed. She then began to shake me of 12 months go, and took ages and ages to do it, still, she said, wanting to be friends. I tried every way to get her out of my heart and my head but nothing really worked until I started to let life wash over me, like I was a pebble on a beach. I thought only of the good times we had, the walks, the talks the fun, the shared meals and the love making. Almost a year ago I sought refuge in this site as I was certain she was BP. But that did not help me to deal with her rejection of me. I knew it but she kept reeling me in, sometimes, though less frequently before, by intimacy.

I tried to hate her out of my life but couldn't do it.

During this time my ex partner and I have remained best friends. She has forgiven me and told me that I should forgive myself. We will never live together or be intimate again, but that is a small price to pay for keeping her close, for her to still tell me that I am her best friend.

I think I had to go through this stuff to get where I am today, peaceful, happy and content once again. I have no bad feelings about the person I had the affair with. The work of Lynne Forrest and the 'Victim Triangle' has helped immensely. But my advice is simple to anyone who is going through it at the moment. Remember only the good parts of your relationship with you BP person. If that person was in a wheelchair or terminally ill you would feel for them and empathise with the difficulties they face. Then why not with your BP person? Mental illness is an even tougher call than a physical debility.

Only don't tell him or her... .that could mess you up all over again. An don't go back. It's over for you. Move on. I am beginning to like myself again. The way that I have stumbled on worked for me. It may do for you.