Did your BPD ex flaunt the cheating?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We all know pwBPD are master manipulators and good at hiding affairs, but did anybody else’s BPDex seem to purposely flaunt the cheating?

For instance, one day – completely out of the blue – my dBPDxgf sent me some screen grabs of the last several texts from one of her exes (one of the ones she was cheating on me with.) Either she had deleted her responses before screen grabbing, or she just responded to his “hey” texts with a phone call (a common tactic of hers, and one that should’ve been a red flag, in hindsight), but either way, it was purposely done to make it look like one of her exes wouldn’t leave her alone but she was being the good, loyal girlfriend by ignoring his texts.

She even had the nerve to text me “I don’t know why he wants me… Now you see…. Haha. #loyal!”.

Now I didn’t buy any of this. I noticed the dates on his texts matched up perfectly to the times my ex would disappear on me, so I instantly knew what was going on. However, we had been doing great that day, texting fun things back-and-forth, and then she sent me that, literally out of the blue.

I had not been questioning her about her whereabouts or accusing her of cheating on me at all up until that point. There was no need on her part to send me those texts or to try to prove her loyalty, because frankly her loyalty wasn’t even under question at the time.

So I guess my question for the group is, why did she send me those screen grabs in the first place?

Did she get a kick out of flaunting the affair right in front of me? Did she subconsciously want to sabotage the affair and get caught?

Has anybody else had a BPDex who seemingly flaunted the cheating, or behaved in a similar way? I would love to hear of everyone else’s experiences.

[hashtag_loyal]

We all know pwBPD are master manipulators and good at hiding affairs, but did anybody else’s BPDex seem to purposely flaunt the cheating?

For instance, one day – completely out of the blue – my dBPDxgf sent me some screen grabs of the last several texts from one of her exes (one of the ones she was cheating on me with.) Either she had deleted her responses before screen grabbing, or she just responded to his “hey” texts with a phone call (a common tactic of hers, and one that should’ve been a red flag, in hindsight), but either way, it was purposely done to make it look like one of her exes wouldn’t leave her alone but she was being the good, loyal girlfriend by ignoring his texts.

She even had the nerve to text me “I don’t know why he wants me… Now you see…. Haha. #loyal!”.

Now I didn’t buy any of this. I noticed the dates on his texts matched up perfectly to the times my ex would disappear on me, so I instantly knew what was going on. However, we had been doing great that day, texting fun things back-and-forth, and then she sent me that, literally out of the blue.

I had not been questioning her about her whereabouts or accusing her of cheating on me at all up until that point. There was no need on her part to send me those texts or to try to prove her loyalty, because frankly her loyalty wasn’t even under question at the time.

So I guess my question for the group is, why did she send me those screen grabs in the first place?

Did she get a kick out of flaunting the affair right in front of me? Did she subconsciously want to sabotage the affair and get caught?

Has anybody else had a BPDex who seemingly flaunted the cheating, or behaved in a similar way? I would love to hear of everyone else’s experiences.

[OnceConfused]

Take the high road. Say a prayer for her happiness and delete the message. Those messages just revealed what kind of person BPD really is. A person of high moral character would not do that. Just be glad you are no longer with her.  My xBPDgf  did the same thing just to show how important she thought she was.

[hashtag_loyal]

Take the high road. Say a prayer for her happiness and delete the message. Those messages just revealed what kind of person BPD really is. A person of high moral character would not do that. Just be glad you are no longer with her.  My xBPDgf  did the same thing just to show how important she thought she was.

Oh, I already sped away on that high road. After that incident, things were over and the only time I saw her in person was a week later when she stopped by my place to get her stuff.

I'm mostly just curious at this point (the increased understanding is helping my healing.)

So it sounds like you are leaning towards the "flaunting it to gain an ego boost" side as the most likely explanation?

[enlighten me]

My ex wife would build up an alibi. It would start small like my friend came over and she is broke again, then it would be she cant find some money. Then it would be something else has gone missing. That was one example where she tried to explain money she had squandered by making me think her friend might have stolen it.

It could be she thinks she need an alibi so has clumsily come up with this which is more incriminating than plausible.

I had a number of other things with my exs that I call veiled confessions. Things such as "what would you do if I had taken that guy back to mine and had him f my brains out". There was a bit more to what she said but the extra details made me realise it happened.

[English Sid]

Towards the end, I would come home from work and she would have her make up on and sexy underwear and I know she had been entertaining, in fact if I had wanted to, I could have caught her in the act, but I just did not care at that point, I wanted her gone with as little fuss as possible.

[Michelle27]

Mine flaunted his "friendships" with a multitude of women at the same time he was deleting all of his text messages ("saving space" on his phone... .yeah right... .).  during this time he would talk about who he had conversations with and they were mostly women I knew (wives and exes and gf's of his friends) so I think he assumed I'd be clueless (and I was obviously).  He seemed to be their hero too, helping them all through "right times" and meeting them for coffee or bringing them things they needed.  He woul dtell me, so of course I didn't question it but I should have for sure... .During this time also, rages would also include accusations of me cheating on him, something I absolutely did not do.  All classic behaviors of a cheating spouse, but I ignored them all.  Last year he admitted to a year long affair during that time 5 years ago, which was easily the worst period of my marriage until I began to get out of the FOG and began healing from all the damage and finally ended it. 

[Herodias]

It amazes me how much cheating my ex did... .I don't know how there was that much time! I really wonder if this is a case of once a cheater, always a cheater... .can they stop? Apparently mine was always chasing someone! I guess it was to boost his ego... .I am wondering if he is still doing it with the new person... .I would think so. He gets so bored and is addicted to porn and sex. Any thoughts on this? I know some BPD's don't cheat, but the ones that do, do they always with out help? Mine is in a new r/s with a recycle... .they both are not divorced! He cheated with her about a year and a half ago... .she thinks they are meant to be. I did the same thing 8 years ago. he broke up with his gf and I thought we were meant to be. He does seem to be repeating a pattern... .

[Learning Fast]

Ironically mine has behaved just the opposite by keeping her replacement relationship (now about four months old) clandestine.  When we have seen each other (it's only been about four or five times in the past several months) she'll continue to refer to him nonchalantly as her "friend" if the topic comes up in conversation.  Really?  Do you think I'm buying that story line?  The strange thing---and this could only occur in BPD land---is she's probably convinced that I am believing it.  Truthfully, I suspect that she is keeping me in orbit for a potential future need or want.  Oh well.