1st post: a message to my estranged BPD wife & the mother of our child

[Depression = 72% of members]

With each lie, you unwittingly let friends and family know that you’ve fallen victim to your dysfunctional upbringing.

With each lie, you make a conscious decision not to rise above your past, but to let it continue haunting you.

With each impulsive decision, you acknowledge your inability or unwillingness to rise above your past.

Each time you leave our 4-year-old special needs child alone in the shower, you demonstrate you’re not able to provide proper care of her.

Each time you decide to transport our child without a car seat, you reaffirm that you’re not capable of protecting our child’s safety.

Each time you get drunk or stoned, you show you believe self-medication is preferable to getting professional help. You believe temporarily numbing out is better than making sustained steps toward turning your life around.

Each time you sleep with our manipulative, opportunistic neighbor, you show how little you respect yourself and our daughter. Like a pre-written script, you continue the BPD cycle of dysfunction, chaos, pain, and abysmally poor decision-making.

Each time you tell your boyfriend or best friend what a terrible husband and partner I’ve been, you demonstrate “splitting” behavior that fails to acknowledge the love, stability, and support I’ve unfailingly shown you for years; that I fought for health, happiness, and a loving partnership until I realized I was the only one fighting for our relationship.

Each time you look me in the eye and unflinchingly lie, you show you’re mentally and emotionally detached from the truth, or you’ve grown entirely comfortable lying and it’s now a fundamental part of your character. Please read about those who lie compulsively and convincingly and determine if it’s a mental or moral issue. You owe it to yourself to understand why you’re so perfectly comfortable lying on a consistent basis.

In your failure to seek professional help, you’ve demonstrated that your abusive, negligent parents have succeeded. While they wreaked havoc on your life, you’ve made the conscious decision to continue down that path of chaos, pain, secrecy, and dysfunction. Your parents have succeeded in destroying your life and you’re letting them know you have neither the strength nor the fortitude to escape their dysfunctional grasp.

You’ve embraced that life must be a never-ending search for emotional fulfillment; you’re still a sad little girl searching for the love and acceptance your parents never showed you. And you’re determined to remain emotionally fragile and vulnerable, to remain permanently mired in the rut of victimhood. You show your inability or unwillingness to turn your life around; to embrace truth and honesty; to begin making healthy, quality decisions for your life that can end a decades-long cycle of pain, impulsiveness, secrecy, and dysfunction.

I just wish I’d known you were so comfortable lying when we began dating. I wish I’d known you had no interest in turning your life around. I wish I’d known that we were never soulmates or twin flames; that you simply created an artificially accelerated level of closeness and connection that had no basis in reality.

And now, during the most difficult chapter of our lives, as we’re in the midst of a divorce, but still living together under the same roof, you’ve chosen to continue your steep descent into ever-greater depths of chaos, despair, and dysfunction. It’s bad enough that you mentally and emotionally checked out of our relationship years ago and allowed me to continue fighting for something that never truly existed. But now you continue your impulsive, destructive decision-making by having an affair while we’re still married and living together.

To complicate things further, you elect to carry on that affair with a neighbor who lives two doors down. Finally, to make sure the matter is as dysfunctional and unhealthy as possible, you repeatedly lie to me for months about the affair.

And now I have evidence that you’d like to have me hurt or killed. I know you mentioned creating a boating accident. Don’t worry, I’ve notified my family members and my attorney. I won’t be getting on a boat with you or your boyfriend. But the simple fact that you’d want to hurt me, a man who has loved and cared for you for years, is unfathomable. I’m also the only stable parent our child has and the only source of income for our family. I think it merely shows how mentally unstable and morally compromised you’ve become.

During this dark descent, you’ve exponentially increased your drug use. You’ve begun drinking heavily. You’ve started using painkillers. You disappear for days at a time and don’t check on our child. Your downstairs living area resembles a homeless encampment and you rationalize all of your behavior through “splittling”; by devaluing me and indicating I'm the source of all your problems.

Through all of the lying, deceit, and dysfunction, you never once stop to consider how your bizarre, chaotic actions impact and reflect on our child. You’re so caught up in your BPD behaviors that you can’t pause for even a moment to consider how your lying, deceitful, neglectful behavior helps perpetrate a multi-generational cycle of chaos and dysfunction. Instead of acknowledging you have a severe mental health problem; instead of seeking health, light, and happiness; instead of engaging a mental health professional to begin turning your life around, you’ve instead opted to embrace unhealthy, impulsive decision-making to continue perpetrating the sad, destructive BPD cycle.

The winners? There are none. This is a mutl-generational cycle of mental illness and dysfunction that will never get better as long as you continue the same pattern of poor-quality decision-making and unhealthy relationships. That path will have you continuing to wander through life searching for meaning and validation that will never materialize.

Your only hope for lasting health and happiness? Acknowledge you have a severe mental health problem and commit to addressing it in a positive, healthy manner. Not with drugs. Not with alcohol. Not with unhealthy relationships with manipulative, opportunistic men who are content to prey upon you during the most vulnerable chapter in your life. Commit to being better than that. Stronger than that. Smarter than that. Commit to ending the BPD cycle and get yourself professional help to do so. You can’t break it on your own. You can’t drink it away. Or smoke it away. Or f#%& it away. It will take a genuine commitment to turning your life around.

If you don’t do it for you, do it for our child. It’s not too late to start making quality decisions now. The first step is deciding you want to turn your life around. As I have been for the past 7+ years, I’m rooting for you and I’m here to help if/when you decide you want to help yourself.

[Brookfallen]

With each lie, you unwittingly let friends and family know that you’ve fallen victim to your dysfunctional upbringing.

With each lie, you make a conscious decision not to rise above your past, but to let it continue haunting you.

With each impulsive decision, you acknowledge your inability or unwillingness to rise above your past.

Each time you leave our 4-year-old special needs child alone in the shower, you demonstrate you’re not able to provide proper care of her.

Each time you decide to transport our child without a car seat, you reaffirm that you’re not capable of protecting our child’s safety.

Each time you get drunk or stoned, you show you believe self-medication is preferable to getting professional help. You believe temporarily numbing out is better than making sustained steps toward turning your life around.

Each time you sleep with our manipulative, opportunistic neighbor, you show how little you respect yourself and our daughter. Like a pre-written script, you continue the BPD cycle of dysfunction, chaos, pain, and abysmally poor decision-making.

Each time you tell your boyfriend or best friend what a terrible husband and partner I’ve been, you demonstrate “splitting” behavior that fails to acknowledge the love, stability, and support I’ve unfailingly shown you for years; that I fought for health, happiness, and a loving partnership until I realized I was the only one fighting for our relationship.

Each time you look me in the eye and unflinchingly lie, you show you’re mentally and emotionally detached from the truth, or you’ve grown entirely comfortable lying and it’s now a fundamental part of your character. Please read about those who lie compulsively and convincingly and determine if it’s a mental or moral issue. You owe it to yourself to understand why you’re so perfectly comfortable lying on a consistent basis.

In your failure to seek professional help, you’ve demonstrated that your abusive, negligent parents have succeeded. While they wreaked havoc on your life, you’ve made the conscious decision to continue down that path of chaos, pain, secrecy, and dysfunction. Your parents have succeeded in destroying your life and you’re letting them know you have neither the strength nor the fortitude to escape their dysfunctional grasp.

You’ve embraced that life must be a never-ending search for emotional fulfillment; you’re still a sad little girl searching for the love and acceptance your parents never showed you. And you’re determined to remain emotionally fragile and vulnerable, to remain permanently mired in the rut of victimhood. You show your inability or unwillingness to turn your life around; to embrace truth and honesty; to begin making healthy, quality decisions for your life that can end a decades-long cycle of pain, impulsiveness, secrecy, and dysfunction.

I just wish I’d known you were so comfortable lying when we began dating. I wish I’d known you had no interest in turning your life around. I wish I’d known that we were never soulmates or twin flames; that you simply created an artificially accelerated level of closeness and connection that had no basis in reality.

And now, during the most difficult chapter of our lives, as we’re in the midst of a divorce, but still living together under the same roof, you’ve chosen to continue your steep descent into ever-greater depths of chaos, despair, and dysfunction. It’s bad enough that you mentally and emotionally checked out of our relationship years ago and allowed me to continue fighting for something that never truly existed. But now you continue your impulsive, destructive decision-making by having an affair while we’re still married and living together.

To complicate things further, you elect to carry on that affair with a neighbor who lives two doors down. Finally, to make sure the matter is as dysfunctional and unhealthy as possible, you repeatedly lie to me for months about the affair.

And now I have evidence that you’d like to have me hurt or killed. I know you mentioned creating a boating accident. Don’t worry, I’ve notified my family members and my attorney. I won’t be getting on a boat with you or your boyfriend. But the simple fact that you’d want to hurt me, a man who has loved and cared for you for years, is unfathomable. I’m also the only stable parent our child has and the only source of income for our family. I think it merely shows how mentally unstable and morally compromised you’ve become.

During this dark descent, you’ve exponentially increased your drug use. You’ve begun drinking heavily. You’ve started using painkillers. You disappear for days at a time and don’t check on our child. Your downstairs living area resembles a homeless encampment and you rationalize all of your behavior through “splittling”; by devaluing me and indicating I'm the source of all your problems.

Through all of the lying, deceit, and dysfunction, you never once stop to consider how your bizarre, chaotic actions impact and reflect on our child. You’re so caught up in your BPD behaviors that you can’t pause for even a moment to consider how your lying, deceitful, neglectful behavior helps perpetrate a multi-generational cycle of chaos and dysfunction. Instead of acknowledging you have a severe mental health problem; instead of seeking health, light, and happiness; instead of engaging a mental health professional to begin turning your life around, you’ve instead opted to embrace unhealthy, impulsive decision-making to continue perpetrating the sad, destructive BPD cycle.

The winners? There are none. This is a mutl-generational cycle of mental illness and dysfunction that will never get better as long as you continue the same pattern of poor-quality decision-making and unhealthy relationships. That path will have you continuing to wander through life searching for meaning and validation that will never materialize.

Your only hope for lasting health and happiness? Acknowledge you have a severe mental health problem and commit to addressing it in a positive, healthy manner. Not with drugs. Not with alcohol. Not with unhealthy relationships with manipulative, opportunistic men who are content to prey upon you during the most vulnerable chapter in your life. Commit to being better than that. Stronger than that. Smarter than that. Commit to ending the BPD cycle and get yourself professional help to do so. You can’t break it on your own. You can’t drink it away. Or smoke it away. Or f#%& it away. It will take a genuine commitment to turning your life around.

If you don’t do it for you, do it for our child. It’s not too late to start making quality decisions now. The first step is deciding you want to turn your life around. As I have been for the past 7+ years, I’m rooting for you and I’m here to help if/when you decide you want to help yourself.

[JohnLove]

Hello Brookfallen. Your story would be almost unbelievable if it wasn't so familiar to me. That was heartbreaking to read.

I hope you find the support you are seeking here. I wish you well.

[OnceConfused]

wow, i think  you have said all that can be said. You are a good man who still opens the door for her to come back.

Good luck