Sometimes you have to laugh and think "really"

[CrazyChuck]

We have been going on several weeks with very few issues. There was the huge problem with the rolling over in bed and the vibrations waking my wife. And I did turn down the AC in the car without asking. But yesterday was special. My phone was plugged into the charger on the nightstand. I walk out of the bathroom.

Wife: Your phone rang

Me: (picking up and looking at phone) Nope, no missed calls.

Wife: I heard it vibrate

Me: (showing phone to wife) I do not have any missed calls or voice mails.

Wife: Are you calling me a liar?

Me: No, I’m sure you heard something, but it just wasn’t my phone.

Wife: (angry voice) Don’t insult me. I heard your phone vibrate.

Me: Ok, but it wasn’t a phone call. I’m not sure what it was.

Wife: (raised voice) It is your GD phone. You think I’m stupid?

Me: (trying to show phone) Honey, you can see there are no missed calls. No recent texts. No recent anything.

Wife: (raised voice) I do not like the feeling of you not telling the truth. I feel like you are trying to hide something.

Me: I swear to god there is nothing on my phone. You could have tried to answer it. You could have checked. You answer my phone. I have answered your phone. It's no big deal. It didn’t vibrate. I do not even have it set to vibrate.

Wife: (very raised voice) So I’m the GD liar? You stand there and insult and belittle me. This is not a GD debate. I’m telling you I feel like you are being dishonest. And say it's no big deal again, I dare you!

Me: I have not done anything wrong

Wife: Oh it’s all about you now. You’re the victim now. You know what, stop talking to me. I don’t want to hear your voice anymore. Anything else you say will just piss me off. Thanks for ruining the day.

Me: (looking at phone) Ok

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[Skip]

What was really bothering her?

I often find that there is something else that drives these things.

And yes, this is not easy to make sense of or to navigate.b v

[Chilibean13]

That convo made me want to cry, laugh, scream.

[CharWood]

Wow... .sounds like a moment out of my life... .isn't it funny how a lot of BPD sufferers seem to follow the same scripts? We non partners all have such similar stories and situations.

This happened last night with my BPDSTBxW

(my phone vibrates)

Ex: (as she walks into the kitchen) who are you texting? huh?

Me: I received a text, I did not text anyone and it is my best friend.

Ex: yeah uh huh, I don't believe you.

Me: look and see for yourself!

Ex: (yanks my phone away) oh... .(throws phone down on table)... .ok. whatever. I don't care anyway...

The other night, a received a phone call from a number I did not recognize and she dove at my phone and tried to answer it... .

all very interesting behavior for someone who "doesn't care anyway." Funny thing is, its ok for them to text people and flirt with people but when they believe we are doing it, even if we aren't, they flip their lids.

I find that my BPD ex likes to create situations that are not real. She constructs conversations and situations to fit with her emotions. Like, the other day, I was looking out the window in the car as she was driving and she accused me of being rude and nasty to her, rolling my eyes at her, when I was just minding my own business. Then, she explodes in a fit of rage and screams "you know what, I cant stand you! you are so negative! I am just gonna take you home!"

It does get funny after a while... .it  is just all nonsense. fantasy. Nonsensical.

[Flexion]

We have been going on several weeks with very few issues. There was the huge problem with the rolling over in bed and the vibrations waking my wife. And I did turn down the AC in the car without asking. But yesterday was special. My phone was plugged into the charger on the nightstand. I walk out of the bathroom.

Wife: Your phone rang

Me: (picking up and looking at phone) Nope, no missed calls.

Wife: I heard it vibrate

Me: (showing phone to wife) I do not have any missed calls or voice mails.

Wife: Are you calling me a liar?

Me: No, I’m sure you heard something, but it just wasn’t my phone.

Wife: (angry voice) Don’t insult me. I heard your phone vibrate.

Me: Ok, but it wasn’t a phone call. I’m not sure what it was.

Wife: (raised voice) It is your GD phone. You think I’m stupid?

Me: (trying to show phone) Honey, you can see there are no missed calls. No recent texts. No recent anything.

Wife: (raised voice) I do not like the feeling of you not telling the truth. I feel like you are trying to hide something.

Me: I swear to god there is nothing on my phone. You could have tried to answer it. You could have checked. You answer my phone. I have answered your phone. It's no big deal. It didn’t vibrate. I do not even have it set to vibrate.

Wife: (very raised voice) So I’m the GD liar? You stand there and insult and belittle me. This is not a GD debate. I’m telling you I feel like you are being dishonest. And say it's no big deal again, I dare you!

Me: I have not done anything wrong

Wife: Oh it’s all about you now. You’re the victim now. You know what, stop talking to me. I don’t want to hear your voice anymore. Anything else you say will just piss me off. Thanks for ruining the day.

Me: (looking at phone) Ok

. THis is nowhere near funny when you are in this situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with that. But, man, this looks identical to many  of my issues. 

I have actually walked away and chuckled at her. I don't suggest doing that, but it actually worked. She shut up and left me alone the moment I laughed and walked out. Again, I don't mean for you to do that... .just stating what I done with no thought.

[CrazyChuck]

What was really bothering her?

I often find that there is something else that drives these things.

And yes, this is not easy to make sense of or to navigate.b v

I find if she is ready to get pissed off. She will just find something to get pissed off about. It is like going to the fridge when you are hungry and just picking something. It might not be what you really want, but you just make it work.