unwind your own loops

[Depression = 72% of members]

3yrs in a relationship 2yrs of abuse and torture, 14 weeks seperated, 6 weeks nc other than a few drunken text from my ex BP, BPD, NPD, SCITZOPHENIC  SO. I think i can can proudly say that im arising slowly from the fog. Now i just want to say this is purely my experience and i hope it helps. What keeps me down mostly is myself and flashbacks which get triggered by memories, music or others. Equally as bad was my constant search for the good in the relationship, still willing to consider excuses for their behaviours, now this loop or my needing to understand all of the turmoil and trauma is a major handbrake on our road back to our centre and thus life. Remember we all had lives before them and the reality is that we are capable of having a normal productive life after this. Though we can feel sorry for them we must not make the mistake ive been making which is refusing to move on searching for validation that id done the right thing, that i wasn't the sub human being she left me believing i was. Stop looking at the positives in them and focus on the truth the relationship was only heading in one direction, make a choice and get out of your own loop. If your having problems do what i did get a piece of paper draw a line down the middle on one side write the good experiences and on the other the bad, it will all make sense when you step back and look at it. Be honest and stop making excuses for them.  Save yourself everyone. Youll never understand it.

[Didntdeservethat]

3yrs in a relationship 2yrs of abuse and torture, 14 weeks seperated, 6 weeks nc other than a few drunken text from my ex BP, BPD, NPD, SCITZOPHENIC  SO. I think i can can proudly say that im arising slowly from the fog. Now i just want to say this is purely my experience and i hope it helps. What keeps me down mostly is myself and flashbacks which get triggered by memories, music or others. Equally as bad was my constant search for the good in the relationship, still willing to consider excuses for their behaviours, now this loop or my needing to understand all of the turmoil and trauma is a major handbrake on our road back to our centre and thus life. Remember we all had lives before them and the reality is that we are capable of having a normal productive life after this. Though we can feel sorry for them we must not make the mistake ive been making which is refusing to move on searching for validation that id done the right thing, that i wasn't the sub human being she left me believing i was. Stop looking at the positives in them and focus on the truth the relationship was only heading in one direction, make a choice and get out of your own loop. If your having problems do what i did get a piece of paper draw a line down the middle on one side write the good experiences and on the other the bad, it will all make sense when you step back and look at it. Be honest and stop making excuses for them.  Save yourself everyone. Youll never understand it.

[hashtag_loyal]

Save yourself everyone. Youll never understand it.

I think this is very good advice.

I broke up with my dBPDxgf about a month ago and like everyone else, came here to answer that ultimate question of "what the hell just happened?"

At first, learning about the disorder and trying to understand things from my ex's perspective helped with the healing. But now, the more I learn about the disorder and try to get into my ex's head, the more it leads me to a dark, dark place. That's a place I don't want to go, and honestly, I kind of want to stop now.

Admitting defeat and moving on with our lives is probably the best thing any of us can do.

The only certain thing with a BPD r/s is the uncertainty. The lack of closure is the closure.

[Didntdeservethat]

Thank you loyal

Totally agree, i am the same all the advice and research Intially helped but now just upsets as its obvious that the one i loved and voluntarily ascepted so much torture from will never validate anything ive ever done for her. To top it off it ended so badly with her in constant rage she even had me arrested for dv when she was actually the perpetrator. Unfortunately in my country atm there is so much hype about dv that as i am the big guy and she the lil defenseless girl very convincing in her act the police stereotyped and arrested me. This is what broke it for me after 2yrs of abuse. Since seperating she has continued to paint an evil story of me being a manipulating lyIng abusive even rapest if i thought i was in shock i certainly am now. Meanwhile she continued to abuse and manipulate me until i finally cracked and closed of the financial support which ironically she broke it off immediatly there after.

Clearly there is no making sense of it so like the relationship best we continue to live in denial of our own feelings and our hope of any closure or gratitude and move on. Its the only way