What is the objective on this forum

[guy4caligirl]

I wonder sometimes , what is the objective on this forum to learn about the illness for self education, reconciling, or healing ?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

I wonder sometimes , what is the objective on this forum to learn about the illness for self education, reconciling, or healing ?

All of them.  Healing, understanding, support (both giving and receiving), knowledge, guidance, distraction from your pain,  ... .? 

What else seems appropriate for you?  What do you get out of these forums?

[guy4caligirl]

I wonder sometimes , what is the objective on this forum to learn about the illness for self education, reconciling, or healing ?

All of them.  Healing, understanding, support (both giving and receiving), knowledge, guidance, distraction from your pain,  ... .? 

What else seems appropriate for you?  What do you get out of these forums?

all the above yes !

I like to as much as I learn ,and gain knowledge, and really it's a great help to be a better partner in the future , the comments opinions and experiences of other member get me to see what I don't see ! Live and learn .

[fromheeltoheal]

I was losing my sanity in the relationship, and learning about the disorder suddenly made everything make sense.  Her behaviors were not acceptable, completely unacceptable, but at least they became understandable.

[guy4caligirl]

I was losing my sanity in the relationship, and learning about the disorder suddenly made everything make sense.  Her behaviors were not acceptable, completely unacceptable, but at least they became understandable.

Good to hear , optimistic thread !

Are you back together ?

[fromheeltoheal]

I was losing my sanity in the relationship, and learning about the disorder suddenly made everything make sense.  Her behaviors were not acceptable, completely unacceptable, but at least they became understandable.

Good to hear , optimistic thread !

Are you back together ?

Nope, I left her 3 years ago and would never go back, that's why I'm optimistic now, but I also realize that my path is not everyone's and everyone is different, and learning about the disorder can make everything understandable, which is most of the battle in getting our feet back on the ground.

[guy4caligirl]

I was losing my sanity in the relationship, and learning about the disorder suddenly made everything make sense.  Her behaviors were not acceptable, completely unacceptable, but at least they became understandable.

Good to hear , optimistic thread !

Are you back together ?

Nope, I left her 3 years ago and would never go back, that's why I'm optimistic now, but I also realize that my path is not everyone's and everyone is different, and learning about the disorder can make everything understandable, which is most of the battle in getting our feet back on the ground.

I feel I am on a solid ground , after learning about the illness ,I do understand her better and don't take her rages as directed to me personally, what percentage do you think it would be of a future successful reconciliation, knowing what I know now ?

[fromheeltoheal]

I was losing my sanity in the relationship, and learning about the disorder suddenly made everything make sense.  Her behaviors were not acceptable, completely unacceptable, but at least they became understandable.

Good to hear , optimistic thread !

Are you back together ?

Nope, I left her 3 years ago and would never go back, that's why I'm optimistic now, but I also realize that my path is not everyone's and everyone is different, and learning about the disorder can make everything understandable, which is most of the battle in getting our feet back on the ground.

I feel I am on a solid ground , after learning about the illness ,I do understand her better and don't take her rages as directed to me personally, what percentage do you think it would be of a future successful reconciliation, knowing what I know now ?

Hard to say, as mentioned everyone's different, but if you do reconcile you will probably be able to feel grounded better, instead of something like the continuous confusion and lack of understanding I experienced in the relationship, before I ever knew about the disorder.  And the folks on the Staying board have developed and use a lot of tools for dealing with borderlines, which adds to the skill set along with the understanding.  Take care of you!

[MapleBob]

I would, yes, but it would take ... .a lot. I said "yes" in the poll because I would definitely give HER a chance.

[Skip]

This is the Board's stated mission. Do we need to add anything?

Saving a relationship that is in or near breakup

Who should post here: Is your relationship falling apart? This is a relationship recovery board. If you feel you have an impending break up or have just broken up, post here.

To start a discussion, click --> here

Objective: There are there no sure-fire tricks. Every relationship unique. Every breakup is unique.  However, there are a lot of things that we naturally do at times like this that makes matters worse -  we need to identify and stop.  There are also things that help relationship recovery and we should pursue these to improve our odds.

General Approach: There are a few things to consider as you read this:

• Do we know what he problem is?  Often we don't and we really can't solv emuch until we know what we are dealing with.

• Are we playing games?  We all can get caught up in the drama and lose site of the solutions.

• Are we being clingy? It not attractive and it drives people away - yet we tend to be inclined at time like this.

• Are we being weak? A relationship with a borderline requires a great deal of strength - the healthy partner must assume the role of emotional caretaker or emotional leader in the relationship. This requires strength, understanding, knowledge and patience. Self-care provides us strength, understanding connects us, knowledge guides the our behavior through which we affect others and determines what is perceived. Patience and time are on our side.

The approach is four-fold: 1) to understand the fundamental struggles of a person with BPD and the challenges that this disorder brings to a relationship; 2) to understand our role in the relationship problems;  3) to learn tools and techniques to help in day to day interactions; and  4) to learn healthy and constructive ways to develop ourselves outside of the relationship.

Additional Guidelines for this Board: Please read the community guidelines (see link at the bottom of every thread). The following guidelines are also in effect for this board:

• Please do not urge participants to exit their relationship. Members post here to find solutions to difficult relationships. Please allow them the opportunity.

• Please do not use this board as a place to complain about your partner without seeking constructive relationship advice.  We are here to find solutions.  It is a given that  our partners are difficult.

• We are not victims and this board is not about right and wrong. Please do not  take sides in couples disputes or seek to have other members agree, support or defend your position in your relationship disputes.  This will only serve to polarize matters in your real life and make resolution further out of reach.

Additional Guidelines for this Board: Little is intuitive in a BP relationship.  We encourage all members to read our starting guide - Before You Can Make Things Better - You Have to Start by Not Making Things Worse.

This board is for members that believe their partner exhibits BPD traits or other impulse disorder and are now trying to understand what this means, and whether they should try to work on the relationship or abandon it. Understand the thought patterns of a BPD spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Learn relationship building and communication skills and strategies for personal growth.

[hollycat]

ex's aren't always "she."  My BpdH is a very alpha male.