Baby voice, confession, grinning

[thisworld]

So my exBPD partner is an adult male. Sometimes he would speak with a baby voice - this happened more than I actually saw in any other man in my life but nobody has to fit in established gender roles so there you go. However, sometimes, he would speak with a baby voice, in the middle of this cutesy thing he would ask a question and admit a big boundary violation -known and agreed boundary- and then grin. Yes grin. I think it's creepy. Has anything similar happened to you? Is this a control tactic where he was catching me unprepared and shocking me? What is this really?

[once removed]

hey thisworld 

to be blunt, baby talk creeps me out and irritates me. ive had other partners do it. yes my former partner did it, and not only that, but i adopted it myself.

so for a while i looked back and i saw this as kind of a regressive state. being emotionally three years old. in the situation you describe i might have guessed it was related to shame.

maybe im right, but looking back i cant really discern much of a pattern or any sudden aha moments. given that i had former partners do it, and that even i did it while actively hating it, its hard for me to much connect it with BPD.

i dont think it was control or deliberately catching you off guard. it was a childlike reaction; maybe a little more, maybe a little less.

dunno if that helps, just some thoughts, and that yes, ive experienced it.

[thisworld]

Thank you onceremoved, your comments gave me something to consider.

[hurting300]

hey thisworld 

to be blunt, baby talk creeps me out and irritates me. ive had other partners do it. yes my former partner did it, and not only that, but i adopted it myself.

so for a while i looked back and i saw this as kind of a regressive state. being emotionally three years old. in the situation you describe i might have guessed it was related to shame.

maybe im right, but looking back i cant really discern much of a pattern or any sudden aha moments. given that i had former partners do it, and that even i did it while actively hating it, its hard for me to much connect it with BPD.

i dont think it was control or deliberately catching you off guard. it was a childlike reaction; maybe a little more, maybe a little less.

dunno if that helps, just some thoughts, and that yes, ive experienced it.

Thank you so much for this. My ex would regress bad sometimes... and yea, I found myself doing it too. Now I really don't feel so bad. Why does this happen?

[hope2727]

Yup he would talk with his head and eyes down while he casually mentioned a huge boundary violation (agreed upon previously of course) and then glance up to see what I would do. Sometimes he would actually say "tee hee I'm a bad boy". Ummm no I am not kidding. This of course was after the first couple of years once the mask fell off. So creepy. 

[thisworld]

Hope,

Yes yes yes, this is exactly what it is. The violation is smt. huge, almost shocking. Did you get the grin, too? Do you think it's shame or emotional sadism? Hell.

[once removed]

hey thisworld 

to be blunt, baby talk creeps me out and irritates me. ive had other partners do it. yes my former partner did it, and not only that, but i adopted it myself.

so for a while i looked back and i saw this as kind of a regressive state. being emotionally three years old. in the situation you describe i might have guessed it was related to shame.

maybe im right, but looking back i cant really discern much of a pattern or any sudden aha moments. given that i had former partners do it, and that even i did it while actively hating it, its hard for me to much connect it with BPD.

i dont think it was control or deliberately catching you off guard. it was a childlike reaction; maybe a little more, maybe a little less.

dunno if that helps, just some thoughts, and that yes, ive experienced it.

Thank you so much for this. My ex would regress bad sometimes... and yea, I found myself doing it too. Now I really don't feel so bad. Why does this happen?

honestly i think its just two partners mirroring each other. nothing especially wrong with it, just creeps myself out in retrospect 

[hope2727]

Hope,

Yes yes yes, this is exactly what it is. The violation is smt. huge, almost shocking. Did you get the grin, too? Do you think it's shame or emotional sadism? Hell.

Yup I often got the grin. He lives to play the victim. He does sincerely seem to get something out of hurting me. Very NPD in his traits. I haven't seen him in over a year and I can still hear his voice. Gross. I wish I didn't miss him. When he was medicated we really were a great team.  But thats ok. I will do the best I can. Hopefully he will get the help he needs at some point and have a happier life.

[thisworld]

Thank you for sharing your experience, it's has been a validation and reality-check for me. My ex partner had NPD traits, too and I'm trying to bring together that and BPD. I wish you the best.