Feeling foolish, out of BPD relationship

[Smile!]

Hello, first time here not the first to feel bad over a break up but, this woman seemed to suck the life out of me! I'm very maternal for a man, good personal skills, grown children, was a single parent, have great relationships w my children. Don't always feel good about myself. Got into the best most loving relationship, was the hero, so nice to finally find wonderful love. WOW! Bypassed some red flags I saw. She got close w my kids, presented herself as wonderful, caring, generous. Don't remember feeling this bad about myself! BPD relationship has hurt relations w my kids, I got close to her kids... Sucked my heart out.  I'm usually the help or voice of reason. Now I need reason and am embarrassed about how badly I feel. Foolish. Will smile... .Thanks

[enlighten me]

Hi Smile

Welcome to the family. There are so many here that can relate to this. Myself being one. I too met a wonderful woman, fell in love, introduced her to my children and became part of her family with her children.

I too have felt foolish about the whole relationship and it also caused problems with my children.

Its vey easy to blame ourselves. Yes we did ignore red flags, we gave them the benefit of the doubt and took a leap of faith in the hope of finding love. What we have to realise though is their problems are hidden and the person we fell in love with is only the person they want us to see.

[Smile!]

 Learned about BPD from a friend. Was hard to grasp that their feelings are not what they say they are and truly don't feel the way we do. I have read some very enlightening and profound words from people who have "felt the pain" like you. First thought she was simply selfish, then greatly selfish. Just not realizing how much more it is... .Truly was trying to figure out why I was so terrible when I'm good, and caring, thought I was causing the anger and pain.

[FannyB]

Learned about BPD from a friend. Was hard to grasp that their feelings are not what they say they are and truly don't feel the way we do. I have read some very enlightening and profound words from people who have "felt the pain" like you. First thought she was simply selfish, then greatly selfish. Just not realizing how much more it is... .Truly was trying to figure out why I was so terrible when I'm good, and caring, thought I was causing the anger and pain.

We've all been there Smile.   This was the first time that I had to use the Internet to figure out what had just happened to me when a relationship broke down! On reflection, she fell in love with me way too easily, and discarded me way too harshly. I inadvertently soothed her - then inadvertently triggered her, and it's all about emotional survival for pwBPD.

Fanny

[enlighten me]

Learned about BPD from a friend. Was hard to grasp that their feelings are not what they say they are and truly don't feel the way we do. I have read some very enlightening and profound words from people who have "felt the pain" like you. First thought she was simply selfish, then greatly selfish. Just not realizing how much more it is... .Truly was trying to figure out why I was so terrible when I'm good, and caring, thought I was causing the anger and pain.

To them in the end we were terrible. Every little thing that in a normal relationship wouldn't matter does to them. If we are five minutes late due to traffic it becomes we are unreliable. If we didn't like an actor in a film but liked him in a different one then we cant make our mind up. If we don't tell them something then we are keeping secrets from them and cant be trusted. If we tell them too much then we are trying to belittle them or make them jealous. It all adds up until in the end we are painted black and nothing we can do can recover the situation.