It's been almost 3 years no contact

[Calm Waters]

Its been almost 3 years since the extraordinary 3 months with a BPD GF changed my life forever. At the time I thought i would never recover from the romance and her suicide attempt. But here I m 3 years later having had a further 1 suicide my elderly BPD mother and attempted suicide, my son. I thought it couldn't get worse than the break up 3 years ago and her near death but it certainly has but somehowI have survived and despite the daily challenges I am ok. I was at a party last night and met a mutual friend of my ex BPD GF, I don't usually ask after her but I did and in a way I am glad I did as I now realise she has moved away further to a city about 45 minutes away which means I am less likely to bump in to her which has been my fear for years. Also that she has moved in  to a house with her daughter and granddaughter so they are co parenting the little one. This also helps me as it means that my fantasy that she has found and is living with another man is groundless…... why is he bothered I hear you ask? well I wish her well but still have feelings after all. I hope that one day she will find love but for the moment at least she is not as far as I can guess ruining other men like she did me…... .intentionally or unintentionally. One further strange twist, purely by chance my mother in law has become very friendly with another women whom I know is a good friend of my ex, I know this person and she can't fail to have seen photographs of me at my mother in laws house…… so that will be a bit weird when I eventually bump in  to her there. Anyway what i am trying to say is that life does move on from a BPD heartbroken break up; I just hope unlike me your life doesn't become dogged by BPD from every other quarter. - Calm

[Mutt]

Hi Calm Waters,

I'm sorry to hear about your mother and your son. How are they doing? I find that what helps me cope with BPD in my life is that I share with people that get it.

I agree with you that we can move on. I hear anger in your words and you're walking on eggshells if you run into your ex or acquaintances.

Do you regret meeting your BPDex?

[Calm Waters]

Thank you Mutt, yes I am feeling resentful about how challenging my life is at the moment. No I don't regret meeting her because it let to a massive breakthrough for me in understanding my own BPD traits and where they stem from, in a sense she out - BPD'd me which offered a mirror to my own behaviour. I don't pretend I am sorted but certainly now I have insight I am a better regulated person, just in time  to cope with the emerging BPD in both my adult sons! - it could be worse I guess if i had no insight and had not done so much work on myself. It feels cruelly ironic though that both of my children despite my best efforts are struggling far beyond what I had to deal with in my early adulthood and I still don't seem to be able to help them as much as I would like. My mother died in late 2013 having been a BPD due to childhood abuse, a year later my son nearly died when he jumped from a 5th floor window, i tried to save him but couldn't get him back in the window, he is in psychiatric hospital again at the moment. I am speaking of all this on another thread on Caring for BPD offspring - thanks - Calm