Nightmares of my her and now I'm curious

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I keep having dreams of my ex with another guy and it sucks waking up feeling like this. Even though we've been broken up sometimes I hope she would just paint me white again or I could just be over her already. I'm now fighting the urge to see what she's been up to (she post everything on twitter) but at the same time I know I might see something that would crush me. My biggest fear is that she replaces me with someone better and I never mattered or existed

[HumbleHeart]

I keep having dreams of my ex with another guy and it sucks waking up feeling like this. Even though we've been broken up sometimes I hope she would just paint me white again or I could just be over her already. I'm now fighting the urge to see what she's been up to (she post everything on twitter) but at the same time I know I might see something that would crush me. My biggest fear is that she replaces me with someone better and I never mattered or existed

[once removed]

hey humbleheart 

im sorry to hear about the dreams, i had some bad dreams myself that really sucked. the good news is that the dreams do stop.

ill put it this way: theres nothing youd see on her social media that is going to make you feel better. i suspect she could post gibberish, and given how youre feeling at the moment, youd interpret it as evidence that you never mattered or existed.

i would also recommend exploring that fear. you fear she replaces you "with someone better". i had a similar fear, i think a lot of us do. do you believe that other people are "better" than you, or do you mean someone that is better suited for her as a partner?

chances are you mattered more than you know.

[HumbleHeart]

hey humbleheart 

im sorry to hear about the dreams, i had some bad dreams myself that really sucked. the good news is that the dreams do stop.

ill put it this way: theres nothing youd see on her social media that is going to make you feel better. i suspect she could post gibberish, and given how youre feeling at the moment, youd interpret it as evidence that you never mattered or existed.

i would also recommend exploring that fear. you fear she replaces you "with someone better". i had a similar fear, i think a lot of us do. do you believe that other people are "better" than you, or do you mean someone that is better suited for her as a partner?

chances are you mattered more than you know.

Thank you so much for responding, and you seem very insightful. What did you experience first hand

[once removed]

thanks humbleheart, im glad to help. when you ask what i experienced first hand, do you mean with regard to dreams, checking on social media, fears, which?

[HumbleHeart]

thanks humbleheart, im glad to help. when you ask what i experienced first hand, do you mean with regard to dreams, checking on social media, fears, which?

When you said "chances are you mattered more than you know"

[once removed]

ah. i should have elaborated on that. i cant really say i had first hand experience of evidence that i mattered more than i knew. people with BPD desperately seek to attach. generally speaking, they mean everything that they say at the moment that they say it. sadly, those feelings are not sustainable, nor is a secure attachment. it is common coming out of these relationships for the exBPD to give the impression that they never cared, that the partner never meant a thing, that they have moved on over night. its far more complicated and complex, and usually, simply not the case, despite appearances.

[HumbleHeart]

ah. i should have elaborated on that. i cant really say i had first hand experience of evidence that i mattered more than i knew. people with BPD desperately seek to attach. generally speaking, they mean everything that they say at the moment that they say it. sadly, those feelings are not sustainable, nor is a secure attachment. it is common coming out of these relationships for the exBPD to give the impression that they never cared, that the partner never meant a thing, that they have moved on over night. its far more complicated and complex, and usually, simply not the case, despite appearances.

I really wish I knew, but thank you for your insight and understanding the circumstances