12 powerful ways to know your are truly happy in your marriage

[half-life]

Sometime I read about things to do improve one's happiness or one's marriage. There are a list of bullet points. A number of good suggestion what works well and what should be avoided. As I go down the bullet points, it is painfully obvious that everything is just going the wrong way. We are at a place that is diametrically opposite to happy marriage and there is no way we could make meaningful move toward that.

So here are 12 powerful ways to know your husband is truly happy in your marriage. It is pathological how we missed most of them completely.



1. He feels noticed and appreciated him. Research show men want to feel appreciated and how much they do (or don't) is a prime measure of how happily married they are.

I do not feel appreciated, at all. She said she does when we discuss it. But I never feel it. What I see is a persistently unhappy person, who held contempt of me from time to time.



2. He knows he can confide in you without being judged or criticized. This kind of self-disclosing communication is crucially important because it builds trust and commitment.

I never confide in her. I don't have any trust. In fact I feel very risky to say anything to her lest that she take it the wrong way.



3. He knows that you desire him because you express that desire sexually. No matter how much a man enjoys sex, it's a turnoff to feel like he's the only one interested.

I confess I do not show much desire myself. Neither does she. The truth is sex is not working out much for us.




4. He likes how he feels about himself when he is with you. Your affectionate attention outside of the bedroom, (compliments, praise, hugs, warm touches, saying "I love you" makes him feel good about himself and endears you to him.

Yes, at the time before we are married. But not much after that. I don't believe there is any affection these days. This is in sharp contrast of the affection she has with the dog.




5. He knows you will not tolerate bad behavior on his part. He knows your love is real and respects you because he knows your love is not based on submissive compliance.

She perceive lots of my bad behavior in her mind. And she has no way to resolve them. She is unhappy with me for no reason or for wrong reason. She is passive aggressive all the time.




6. He likes that you need him, but that you aren't "needy." Relying on each other is a part of a healthy relationship, but being "needy" (overly dependent) creates control and the desire to flee from it.

She is needy. No only that. It is not directly expressed anymore. All I known is she has all these latent need and she is unhappy because I do not met that.




7. He likes that you care about looking attractive in your own way. He doesn't expect you to look like a Hollywood starlet, but seeing that you care about your appearance makes him feel you value yourself and the relationship.

Most of the time I do not look especially attractive. But she does compliment me sometimes when I care enough make myself look good.




8. He feels respected and admired by you. Love and respect go hand in hand. Feeling admired by the one you love enhances self-esteem; it renews both sexual and emotional passion between you two.

No respect. I wonder if she has the capacity to respect anyone. The closest I see is she say someone else has a great partner and she is envy of them.

Admiration? A little bit. Still she does not understand what I am doing. She do not know greatness. Most the time when I am doing important things I have to hide it from her to some degree because she is upset that I am spending all these time doing my stuff.




9. He never feels belittled or humiliated by you. When you are angry and don't resort to personal attacks, he feels safe and open to hearing your reasons for being upset.

I was belittled all the time. Even outrageous contempt on my perceived failure. Outrageous because I made a minor mistake but I did not fail. In fact I succeeded. I am proud of my capability to fix mistake and persevere. But she did not know that. I get only an onslaught of contempt.




10. He trusts you to let go of the past. You don't hold grudges, keep score or consistently feel victimized by life. This makes your marriage flexible rather than rigid, exciting rather than dull and open for a future of growing together.

She see that sometimes and she is impressed. Those are the few moments when things are going well.




11. He knows that he's a top priority in your life. Your husband wants to know he's important to you. He's comfortable taking a backseat to all you do and he's confident that when he seriously needs you, you'll be there for him 100%.

I don't know. She said that. But I have no trust in her. She have also said the dog is more important to her than me. And I believe her.




12. He appreciates your kindness to his family. No one gets to choose their family and many have problems. When you make a genuine effort to accept his, he feels respected and valued by you.

I do appreciate that.

[Turkish]

I've heard it said that men need to be respected, and women cherished. In my opinion, the underlying definitions are similar: "You cherish me by respecting me," and, "you respect me by cherishing me."