I feel like my wife cares more about some one else than me

[Sgtmack]

My wife and I have been married for 25 years. in the last four or five years we have had some real problems. First it was spending money on things for the house and our children. It got to a point both of us got second jobs. Two years in to the second jobs, I had a ruptured appendix. Two weeks in the hospital and two months recovery. After being back at work for a month Hurricane Isaac puts 9 feet of water in the house. With the insurance money we pay off all our debt including the house.  

One year later she ran up every credit card and all our bills were of a month behind.

He was a friend of my youngest daughter in high school how ever my wife and I never meet him until a year and half ago. They started with her and him just talking on the phone. Then he needed a couple of bucks for gas. Now it is to the point that he calls her mom and she calls him son. If you didn’t know her family she will refer to him has her son. If she is questioned, then she will reply that it is her adopted son. I am supposed to call him son and he calls me dad.  When I get upset about this name calling, I get told that he looks to you has a father.

           She gave him her debit card and he ran up 30,000 dollars in bills and NSF charges before I found out. She has co-signed for a loan on a truck and an apartment for him without my knowledge.

I thought I had gotten everything under control but today I found out that she has been giving him money again. when he doesn't get his way he tells her, "He is not talking to her and will never talk to her again" and she panics. I thinks it like a temper tantrum.

Should I just say to hell with my marriage and leave?

I advise would be helpful.

signed end of my rope

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Circle]

Strange that they are so close. Do you think they are having sex? I mean, it's not like she doesn't have other kids, already.

I don't know if I can give any advice, as I've not been in this sort of situation before, with finances. There is a legal board on here. As an outsider, with no experience in situations like this, I think I would try to separate my responsibility for financial matters, from her. So that, she is responsible for her own accounts. Even if that means you take a slightly bigger share of technical responsibility. For example, putting the mortgage in your name; but not being a co-signer, or in any way responsible for her car, credit cards, etc. Just let her screw herself over and deal with it on her own.

One of the big lessons you learn on bpdfamily.com, is setting boundaries. The only way people with BPD accept responsibility for their actions, is when you calmly refuse to do it for them, whether you say so in words, or not; refusing to carry their burdens.

I am on here very infrequently right now, so, if I don't respond back, I'm not ignoring you. You may also decide to copy and paste your post onto the 'Undecided' board also, as it seems applicable to that section.

Hang in there, and quit cleaning up after her messes/separate yourself from her finances. Put what you want in your name, and refuse to put other things in your name. Get a place where you can lock your stuff up, that doesn't need to be seen (credit cards, etc.)

[Circle]

The 'Undecided' board is now called ':)eciding and Conflicted'.