How to tell to ex partner/ friend that she have BPD?

[FraFra85]

Hi, how I could tell to ex partner and now friend that she could have BPD and she need help? (I'm pretty sure that she have, 2 external psychotherapists confirmed).

We closed 5 months ago but we are still in contact. She is totally unaware. She already destroyed one marriage and 2 relationships (last with me), and now she started relationship n.4 (after 2 days she closed with me).

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[whiplashed_mom]

That's what I'd like to know.

[Grey Kitty]

How to tell her? Just say so.

Or do you mean how to get her to work on herself, and look for therapy or some such for herself?

My stbexw actually did (LOONG story) address most of her BPD issues, and she was marginal as to whether she met the clinical definition or not... .and even with that, using the label BPD with her only became something to fight about between us; it never helped.

There are some situations where revealing to somebody that they have BPD is helpful for them, but many more where it goes very badly.

So my real recommendation is this: DON'T tell her about BPD. Don't even mention BPD to her.

If you want to address any of it with her, I would recommend you address specific BPD-driven behavior(s) with her... .and we can help you work out how you might do that here in more detail.

[Turkish]

It's a rare experience here that sharing a BPD "diagnosis" results in anything positive. Like Grey Kitty said, it can result in just one more point of contention. I said it once (I perceived that my Ex was imolying that she was going to take the kids). She told me later that it scared the crap out of her. Months later, just before she moved out, she came to me and said that she thought that she had some kind of "attachment disorder." I was silent. We were no longer a couple, but rather co parents.

PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

What kind of contact do you have, FF85, that is, the nature of your relationship now when you say "friend?"

T.

[FraFra85]

You have reason. I'll tell nothing. I would like to say her that she needs help to decrease her destructive behavior to every partner that she meet and to her kid (not mine).

More than friends I can say that we are in contact. She live 2000km far from me (we both live in Europe in different countries and we had long distance r/s for 2,5 years with only 1 short breakup of 1 day at beginning; honeymoon was for all 2,5 years till 1 single discussion where she perceived (not real) abandonment and few days after she closed). She is very beautiful and she found partner n.4 only 2 days after we closed and she admit that she doesn't love him, but she is in comfort with partner near. She is totally unaware about her disorder, she had/have always a false justification for everything and her bad behaviour. I would like to open her eyes without be too direct or create problems.