I feel like crying...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Because it feels like I finally understand the roots of my problems. These are good tears, very good tears... .

I joined this messageboard 4 years ago, because I got abandoned by my ex-BPD partner. I understood I had issues. I kind of understood that I was a codependant, but I don't think I fully grasped what it meant. How I get there or why I got there. I went on with my life like I always did, I met other women who had BPD-traits, and I stupidly fell for them.

This time I think I finally hit my low... .I spent a year on this girl, and with all the   I still went into the r/s, and becoming totally enmeshed in her and her feelings. Last week it all went down the drain (again, 3'rd time), and I knew I couldn't take another rollercoaster-ride.

I just finished reading the book "The Human Magnet-syndrome", and also talked to my oldest sister about our childhood. And everything suddenly made sense, I finally understand why im always going down the same route. And why my sister always did the same. I understand now that my father is a codependant and that my mother is narcissistic. And how me and my sister always had to adapt in order to receive her love. Which is why both me and her are codependants today. My other sister on the other hand... .She did not get the "adapted love" me and my other sister did. It all feels so clear now why she is so different from us, WHY she is as narcissistic as she is... .

I just wanted to speak my mind, because I don't think I've felt this kind of freedom in my entire life. I know now what I have to work with my codependance, and perhaps seeing a therapist.

Hugs  

[krax]

Because it feels like I finally understand the roots of my problems. These are good tears, very good tears... .

I joined this messageboard 4 years ago, because I got abandoned by my ex-BPD partner. I understood I had issues. I kind of understood that I was a codependant, but I don't think I fully grasped what it meant. How I get there or why I got there. I went on with my life like I always did, I met other women who had BPD-traits, and I stupidly fell for them.

This time I think I finally hit my low... .I spent a year on this girl, and with all the   I still went into the r/s, and becoming totally enmeshed in her and her feelings. Last week it all went down the drain (again, 3'rd time), and I knew I couldn't take another rollercoaster-ride.

I just finished reading the book "The Human Magnet-syndrome", and also talked to my oldest sister about our childhood. And everything suddenly made sense, I finally understand why im always going down the same route. And why my sister always did the same. I understand now that my father is a codependant and that my mother is narcissistic. And how me and my sister always had to adapt in order to receive her love. Which is why both me and her are codependants today. My other sister on the other hand... .She did not get the "adapted love" me and my other sister did. It all feels so clear now why she is so different from us, WHY she is as narcissistic as she is... .

I just wanted to speak my mind, because I don't think I've felt this kind of freedom in my entire life. I know now what I have to work with my codependance, and perhaps seeing a therapist.

Hugs  

[C.Stein]

There is always hope and room for growth if you can believe in yourself.   

[La Carotte]

krax,  I'm really pleased for you, sounds like you've made a huge step forward in getting to some roots of why you've been in the relationships you have and behaved as you have.

Can I ask what you intend to do with the knowledge now? How you intend to use it to change your patterns? I ask because I'm just as the start of the process of thinking about my role in evertthing and where that comes from, but what I can't see is how, even if I find stuff out about my childhood, that will help me now.

Good luck with your work and moving forward, it sounds as though you're coming to a good place... .

[lostsoul27]

Hi Krax.  I feel like I am the same as you.  My mother and older brother are narcissists and my dad was never really part of us growing up. My role was also the caregiver when I was young.  I guess thats why we get drawn to these toxic relationships.  Now that I know it, I can fix it and be more aware.

[Turkish]

 Hi krax,

Sounds like a breakthough here, ripping old wounds you previously weren't fully aware of.

We'd embrace you over in Coping and Healing if you want to further explore your family's dynamic. 

T.

[Narkiss]

Hi Krax. Coincidentally I started reading the book yesterday. My mother is diagnosed NPD and I never realized how much it affected me. I have/had been in a relationship with a pwBPD for about 10 months. I was dropped once, went back (after he told me how much he cared for me. Foolishly I thought that he would hold our relationship dear and not sabotage it). Within a month, he was back with his estranged wife -- completely dysfunctional and co-dependent. Anyway, I have been in therapy since May. The healthier I have gotten and the more I wanted the relationship to be balanced, the more destabilized it became. I think he loved me completely as long as the focus was on him and I buried my needs. When I started expressing them, he disappeared.I wonder if some of these disappearing BPDs had to do more with the partner becoming healthier/wanting a real, mutual relationship.

[TheCodependent1]

This is a very good read for anyone struggling with childhood trauma.