hello Anez,
I've been following your story for awhile ... .we've interacted from time to time ... .and I would like to say that you're ARE on a good path! As I put out from time to time, we, "the group" isn't here to tell you what to do or what to say ... .we're here to give you guidance & support by letting you know what did or didn't NOT work in our BPD relationship. "The Group" is here with a hand to help you up when you stumble ... .and we all have including yours truly. You almost made it to your 30 day NC pin

Start the clock again ... .and keep coming here for your support!
From your story you told us ... .I see that you stumbled ... .you said ... ." So i was drinking with friends and texted back thanks. She then says wish i could have seen what you did. I said you could have. She said she didn't think I wanted her there. I told her I wanted the girl i fell for there." And as promised ... .like others who are "holding out a hand to help you up" ... .let me hold out my hand as well.
In order for you to completely move on and as you said ... ."these aren't the only people that can bring happiness to our lives. Sometimes it feels like they are the only ones. I know that feeling. But you put them in your rearview mirror, you work on yourself, and you move forward."

I would again suggest to you to go NC again ... .and this time ... .block her number from further text & calls then delete her number when you have a moment that is unguarded by alcohol you won't reach out. You can certainly do that via your phone ... .but they have more then enough apps for that as well.
From reading your post ... .especially your last post ... .I don't think ... .I know YOUR ready to finally go full NC with no texting or calls.
How do I know this ... .because you said ... ."I need in a relationship and in a partner. And it's not what my ex has. I don't want to get back together with her and then have it all blow up again somewhere down the line. life is too short. there are too many other women in the world." If I said this to you ... .what would be your thoughts? That I'm ready? Exactly and so are you! Go full NC! Move forward and enjoy & explore life!
YOU have learned well grasshopper ... ."reference to 70's Kung Foo tv show for those to young to even know" ... .

... .

Or if you would prefer ... ."mmmm ... .The Force is strong within you ... .mmm ... .much you have learned ... .mmm ... .yes ... .mentally ill you know BPD is ... .mmm ... ." Ok ... .you have to imagine Yoda voice when doing that. You've kept your humor ... .and this is always a good thing ... .
Well Anez ... .you have come far ... .you have stumbled on your journey as all explorers do ... .and as promised ... .someone from the group has picked you up ... .they've dusted you off ... .and they have straighten you up ... .the choice of what path to continue your journey was completely yours ... .you have chosen the path to the right to see where that journey would lead you ... .
You should be proud of yourself ... .I don't want to speak for the group ... .but I know I'm proud of you for the strength ... .the courage it took to get here. As you said ... .you're not a 100% ... .but you're well on your way ... .you are certainly past the 51% point You have and continue to learn valuable learning lessons ... .and now you're starting to pay it forward by sharing with the group ... .your experiences ... .you're a good person Anez ... .well done ... .well done
J