BPD and how it effects my life

[nrobinson]

i just want my family bad because nobody has a right to break it except me. i want my husband back in my-and my sons life. I want we are sorry for hurting you what can we do to help  because we  all have a common goal , and i want them to get out of denial and i think the first step might be dropping the protection order.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Since filing the protection order against him, what (if anything?) has changed to make you feel that things are safe now?

[nrobinson]

Long story but  basically as werid as it sounds I can feel now it is not violence from the bits I know he is just a depression

[nrobinson]

He is home this weekend visting his parents, well e I. A small town anx all this folds I start to unstand. I unterstand that he has issues with abandonement. I know they blew things out of portion and got a protection order so he could. Visit them and I understand  they validate all of thoughts and actions and he makes up stuff to strangers and his family,and my son and myself know the real truth.but   nobody believes us. I like a out a mile from his parents and my heart just aches and I feel so hurt. I broke my protection order and text them  and begged let all bury the Hackett there is to much pain please come together and get him help.  What even hurts even more is him knowing we are here and protection or not and not caring enough to reach out . does he think of me or still care?  Someone please explain to me how bdf mind works and why he chooses to blame me and my son and how with the BIPOLAR  can your heart become this cold?

If never get help with the BPD and BIPOLAR finally just kill him ,one way or enough.    I have told the way for him is to temporaily get him away from his parents how ?  Please explain  I have tryed to get help for him  at work , attempted committal , arresting he see them as. Attacking him and thinks that I and our son turn against  him and we gang up on him and that we hit him and chase him but his parents it is the marriage anything and everything but mental illness

[nrobinson]

? Is BPD  like multiple personality disorder  because at time it seems like there is more then one personality ?

[Turkish]

? Is BPD  like multiple personality disorder  because at time it seems like there is more then one personality ?

pwBPD can have dissociative episodes (see here for more). A compartmentalized personality also can show itself as being different to different people. My Ex went through what I saw as a "teen mom" phase for months, before she returned to an emotional baseline. This evening, my mother retreated into "teenager" mode when I asked her to look for some pepers of hers. She even threw down her checkbook like a kid. Less than an hour later, it was forgotten and she was back to being nice, her accusations forgotten. She even offered me some cookies.

It sounds like something different is going on with your H though. What leads you to believe MPD or similar?

[thisagain]

BPD can resemble "multiple personalities" to us, because their moods and identities change so much. Some people with BPD also have dissociative identity disorder. Either way, it can be very confusing and scary to wonder which "version" of him you'll get today.

I can tell how confused and hurt you are about what's happened with your marriage. Even so, it is very important that you follow the law and protect your own safety. That means respecting both protective orders. Don't violate the order they have against you, and for now, keep the order you have against him.

You got that protective order for a reason. As you told us, he tried to kill you and/or your son three times. That is seriously dangerous. No matter what may have caused him to do it, you need and deserve to be safe.

To me, it seems like you could really benefit from some in-person support from a counselor or therapist. They will be able to get a better understanding of your situation and help you figure out the next steps. Many of us have found therapists to be very helpful, even though we may not have any mental illness ourselves. Have you considered doing something like that?

[nrobinson]

Sometimes I think mpd because it like he don't know he has done anything g wrong , me trying to commit him trying to get help  he sees as me ganging up on him. He thinks I turn our so. Against him . we.would having a. Conversation and he would just flip out over nothing and tell me to quit fighi he projects ts all of his actions onto me and I am the bad guy and he is the victim... The big espiode last April I think he thought he was an abandoned and it was more then he. Would handle a nd just went off the deep end. The idea that I left was encouraged even though I did  not .  three days. Before he was going to take   new  job and we were .moving home. I think  growing up he was pressured I to the idea that a .an is judged by his career and how much money he had.  I think me and my family  were real and him be him and he could be himself  His family seen that was happen a nd he was putting his career on the back burnef in favor of a less stressful job ona different  career path ànd b e himself it was more then he.could handle .  this family. Seen his. Behavior and heard him yell empty threats andmade the invalid value. He could have made different personality s to deal with the stress. In their eyes.    Not sureunderstanding what they see. I was the target and he had to be projected

[nrobinson]

i live in a small town with a cafe where everybody goes and my father-n-law was in there and there is protection order but after they filed the order they spoke to my son and myself and asked how we were  were in front of about 60 + people. I was taken back and the there is no way that a chance meeting can be avoided, anyway see him in the cafe did not speak seen my niece at the gas station did not speak. 

My neighbor who is my safe house, they will not speak to him or this wife. This all fake, they are taking everything there son my husband wants then to do and not asking questions, I get he is there kid and they are protecting him but

what  ... .they are encouraging all of weird behavior, this is an illness and if he had cancer or heart issues i bet we would all still be a family and he would be getting treatment.

[nrobinson]

? is it normal for BPD people do think  that there spouse or family is the cause for all of there problem and stress and without thim in there life everything will be okay ?

? is it normal for a BPD person to think that a spouse or family has turned in this case  a son against and some how they can win them back?

? is it normal for a BPD to immediately seek comfort in another relationship and will the BPD rear it head  once again ?

? Is it normal for a BPD person family to encourage acts such as divorce, or committal etc done by the spouse as bad and encourage the BPD person without the BPD person really even knowing they have.

? will the BPD always been there no made who the BPD person id with?

? how will the spouse or the spouse ever regain the trust of the BPD person?

I have did research and i have found at least two different relationships ending this way one a childhood friend and other a family member, the friend would only speak to me one time and the second time read my message and blew me off and no body will take me seriously, any one out there have the same problems, meanwhile my son sit and cry for him. will he every come around?

[livednlearned]

Hi nrobinson,

It's really tough what you're going through, and living in a small town where you see the family must make it very difficult.

I'm wondering if you are posting from your phone? It's hard for me to follow some of the sentences because of typos, so I'm not sure I'm understanding correctly all that is going on. Is this a fair summary:

Your husband was violent with you and your youngest son.

You filed a protection order against him.

You did some things on Facebook that you regret and called his family liars, and accused him/them of being mentally ill

His family filed a protection order against you

Your husband now wants a divorce, and his family wants him to do this too

You want to drop the protection order against him, and if so, there is still a protection order against you

His family broke their own protection order when they asked you and your son how you were doing

Thanks for clarifying.

[nrobinson]

 yes it was on my phone and written in black and white  out it must sound utterly ridiculous.

his sister made his parents file the projection order and recently found out that she encouraged him to do all kinds of things and says stress from me is what is causing his problems.  two months before she was on my side saying he has issues and let him be and he figure out his problem, you get the idea. what? who the right to play god and the are so many lies a Mack truck can be driven between them.

[nrobinson]

 i have questions ? probably ask before but i go again?

1.  Do people with BPD have a tendency to hurt the one they love the most the worst?

2. My spouse to the outside world looks and acts normal and when i approach friends to help  he just tells them that him having a problem is just another one of this accusation? What ?

3.  his family knows he has problems , but now have told him and let him believe i am out to get him and there is too much fighting and stress from the marriage makes him this way,  the is a lot of projection   everything he has done , now i have done is this normal for a BPD person ?

[livednlearned]

i have questions ? probably ask before but i go again?

1.  Do people with BPD have a tendency to hurt the one they love the most the worst?

Perhaps this discussion can shed some light on what is happening:

BPD Behaviors: Understanding the borderline mind/what's in the head of someone with BPD?

For a person wit the disorder, understand the reasoning behind the actions. The pw BPD is not reacting to the situation at hand - to what's happening then and there and now - but to either something that had happened in the past, or to a kindof ready-reference list of beliefs about the world, which was usually learned in childhood.  Read more.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=67059.0

Close relationships will be more triggering because close relationships stir up more emotions connected to past grievances, either in family of origin and/or prior romantic relationships.

2. My spouse to the outside world looks and acts normal and when i approach friends to help  he just tells them that him having a problem is just another one of this accusation? What ?

I'm sorry, I am not quite sure who is doing the accusing? Do you mean your accusation? Or his? Or theirs?

3.  his family knows he has problems , but now have told him and let him believe i am out to get him and there is too much fighting and stress from the marriage makes him this way,  the is a lot of projection   everything he has done , now i have done is this normal for a BPD person ?

Is it possible that the relationship does cause his stress to go up, and to make him fight more? It may be that he has a harder time regulating his emotions when he is with you. Is it possible they want him to stay away because they know he loses control? This could be a way to try and center him, to minimize the conflict if other skills are not well understood.

nrobinson, it is hard for people to take their focus of BPD loved ones and swivel that attention inward. We only have control over what we do for ourselves. Focusing on his behavior, his motives, his issues -- it sounds like this is aggravating him and his family, and not helping you in response.