Hey all,
I'm a 27-year-old dude living in Los Angeles and working as a software engineer and startup cofounder. My girlfriend, with whom I've lived for about two and a half years and who I love very much, is 26 and is engaged in similar pursuits.
I'm here because my girlfriend exhibits some BPD traits and it's caused problems in our relationship. I'm sure you're familiar with the behaviors: paranoia and considerable difficulty trusting, accusations, lying, and raging. It's been the source of a lot of pain for both of us, and I've considered leaving her due to some of the worse interactions involved.
At worst, she will scream at me, call me names like "psycho" and "piece of s**t", curse at me, demonize me over mistakes from the past, and just generally act seemingly without regard for my rights or feelings. Historically, I have done plenty of firing back (and plenty of damage) with shouting and name-calling of my own, though lately I've been much better about keeping calm during these interactions. When she is not acutely angry, I often feel like I have to do the classic eggshell walk in order to keep from upsetting her.
But! When she is not emotionally dysregulated, things are generally much, much better than all that, and there's a lot of love, admiration, and respect in our relationship. We've been through a lot together and, since we really like hanging out with one another and we enjoy many of the same things, we spend most of our time together. We would like to get married at some point but feel stupid even talking about it when we still have blowups like the kind I've described.
We are going to see a relationship counselor with whom we've been to an introductory session and who we really liked. Our first real session is this Thursday.
I'm here to learn from other members, help in whatever way I can, and ultimately to grow. I've made a lot of progress in controlling my emotions and reactions and hope to make much more.
So... .hi! Nice to meet you. And thanks for listening
