in need of closure.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello

Its been 6 months since the break up and a little over 5 months no contact. I thought it will get better with time but in fact it has gotten worse.

i am sure that many people here have suffer the same from BPD partners.

every day that passes it gets worse, i locked myself indoors from earlier January when it was snowing and i have missed spring and i feel like i am about to miss summer too. i was alone on my birthday for the third time even though i was with her for over 3 years, every time around holidays she picked a fight with me and i think she was trying to keep up with her friends that were engaged to some rich guys. i tried to make her happy and we went on many fancy vacations and fancy restaurants (paid by me) but i also tried to explain to her that i am not in the same position as them and i wanted to save for the future, she acted ok with that but her actions showed different so when her holidays were around i did everything to make her happy and take her to nice places but we would end up in fights by the end of the events in which it let me believe that this wasn't enough to her expectations. every time i had my holidays she would act ok but we would fight again and i would be alone and hurt. when i put this in writing i see it but i just wish she could too. now i am broke in a lot of debt and my business is barely holding up thanks to a few friends that have stuck by me.

i have no will to do anything and there were moments when i try to get out and push myself to get to work or any activities but i was so scared of my thoughts that i was going to drive my truck of a cliff and every time i tried i went right back into my apartment and locked myself into my misery.

i hired a different Psychologist that strictly deals with BPD relationships and disorders. so far we have done just damaged control and very little to move forward. she thought i was depressed and she recommended putting me on lexapro for a while so her work that she was doing would stick with me and to help me to move forward. i was on antidepressant for little over two months and it didn't help much so i decided to listen to my body and now i am getting off them.

i guess i have to face this feelings and i know that i am just spending too much of my brain energy trying to see where it went wrong and get some closure. it is such a shame that no one taught most of us how to break up healthy with our loved ones.

in a way i have learned so much about myself and about my ex partner and this drives me even more crazy.

i am trying to put my thoughts in a letter of what i want to say to her and where it went wrong, sometimes it helps and sometimes it makes so damn emotional.

i guess the all point of this post is that i want to know if people here had a similar situation and any tips will help. my therapist tells me that this are feelings of my childhood abandoned and i do agree with her but also the truth is i really loved this girl and i think she loved me too and that was the only way to fulfill her needs. i figure out some stuff that she had told me when sometimes she had her moments of truth and i am going through myself and this makes even harder for me to get over her.

the withdrawals of the antidepressants are bad but at least my energy is coming back and i am starting to eat a little more now. i lost so much weight and i have disconnected from the world completely.

i live in an apartment that she helped me to get and lived with me for a long time and now she's back home to her parents which they are two blocks away from me. a lot of memories her and and everywhere i am going , i am forced to drive fairly close to her house when i need to go to work or get out of town so you can imagine how hard it is for me not to think of her.

we did so much activities together and so much in common but yet we kept fighting for the stupidest things. she stopped by to drop some old bill and wrote a note with the closing part that this will be the last tie she will bother me.

in some weird fantasy that i have created i want her to contact me and i know that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different result but this closure part is killing me.

I cant seem to enjoy anything, be with my friends, family or even date anyone. i thought that i have been in love before and i have been hurt but this was the one that i really thought it was my happy ending. i wanted the same things she did but her pressuring me pushed me away. i felt like she was racing with her friends and she wanted to get out of her house in which her mom has also BPD and her father an old man spends so much time alone in the wood just to be away from his wife, that also scared the ___ out of me in which i saw so much similarity with her and her mom and i didn't want to end up like him.

i am really sorry for making this long but i wanted you guys to get a glimpse of whats going on in my head. I have tried to socialize and even date but i have gone right back to square one.

every time after a break we had she would go to some "friends" house and once as soon as she left my house she moved at her exes and still kept in touch with me. after we got back and i found out that she went to parties that i was suppose to go with her and one of the reasons that me and her had problems was because in the beginning of the relationship this guy was way to much in the picture. she claimed not to care about him that way but just as a good friend but yet she promised me that he will never see him again. last halloween part i went i find out that instead my name on the reservation she made she had put his name and she did everything possible for me not to got to the hostess and asked for my table until i found out why and till lied to me about making the reservation.

now this are the things that drive me nut and hate my brain for discarding them. i forgave her many times and she kept on pushing and pushing, i am not sure what her message was or the poor thing she couldn't bare to be alone with soulless self.

i really wanted and want to help her see what she did to me and also talk about where it went wrong. a part of me had tried that and of course she never took responsibility for her actions.

why can't i get her out of my mind? why am still hooked on her? don't know but i know that she f*cking hurt me more than anyone had ever done.

i Know that i had my share of bad childhood and i am angry at my family for all the things that had happened to me, somehow i forgave them to a certain point but i am not able to move on from this girl. i also know that i am still in love with this girl and

i was married for 7 years and before that. i really thought that i found my happy ever after but now i am in limbo and i am having such a hard time to move on.

there is so much in my head and my brain i racing but i don't want to be a whiner and not have anyone read my post.

any thoughts and tips would help guys i am really scared about my wellbeing and i know i am supposed to take care of myself but the whole damn thing doesn't make any sense.

i thank you for reading and i thank you in advance for the feedback

[Heartbroken_guy]

Hello

Its been 6 months since the break up and a little over 5 months no contact. I thought it will get better with time but in fact it has gotten worse.

i am sure that many people here have suffer the same from BPD partners.

every day that passes it gets worse, i locked myself indoors from earlier January when it was snowing and i have missed spring and i feel like i am about to miss summer too. i was alone on my birthday for the third time even though i was with her for over 3 years, every time around holidays she picked a fight with me and i think she was trying to keep up with her friends that were engaged to some rich guys. i tried to make her happy and we went on many fancy vacations and fancy restaurants (paid by me) but i also tried to explain to her that i am not in the same position as them and i wanted to save for the future, she acted ok with that but her actions showed different so when her holidays were around i did everything to make her happy and take her to nice places but we would end up in fights by the end of the events in which it let me believe that this wasn't enough to her expectations. every time i had my holidays she would act ok but we would fight again and i would be alone and hurt. when i put this in writing i see it but i just wish she could too. now i am broke in a lot of debt and my business is barely holding up thanks to a few friends that have stuck by me.

i have no will to do anything and there were moments when i try to get out and push myself to get to work or any activities but i was so scared of my thoughts that i was going to drive my truck of a cliff and every time i tried i went right back into my apartment and locked myself into my misery.

i hired a different Psychologist that strictly deals with BPD relationships and disorders. so far we have done just damaged control and very little to move forward. she thought i was depressed and she recommended putting me on lexapro for a while so her work that she was doing would stick with me and to help me to move forward. i was on antidepressant for little over two months and it didn't help much so i decided to listen to my body and now i am getting off them.

i guess i have to face this feelings and i know that i am just spending too much of my brain energy trying to see where it went wrong and get some closure. it is such a shame that no one taught most of us how to break up healthy with our loved ones.

in a way i have learned so much about myself and about my ex partner and this drives me even more crazy.

i am trying to put my thoughts in a letter of what i want to say to her and where it went wrong, sometimes it helps and sometimes it makes so damn emotional.

i guess the all point of this post is that i want to know if people here had a similar situation and any tips will help. my therapist tells me that this are feelings of my childhood abandoned and i do agree with her but also the truth is i really loved this girl and i think she loved me too and that was the only way to fulfill her needs. i figure out some stuff that she had told me when sometimes she had her moments of truth and i am going through myself and this makes even harder for me to get over her.

the withdrawals of the antidepressants are bad but at least my energy is coming back and i am starting to eat a little more now. i lost so much weight and i have disconnected from the world completely.

i live in an apartment that she helped me to get and lived with me for a long time and now she's back home to her parents which they are two blocks away from me. a lot of memories her and and everywhere i am going , i am forced to drive fairly close to her house when i need to go to work or get out of town so you can imagine how hard it is for me not to think of her.

we did so much activities together and so much in common but yet we kept fighting for the stupidest things. she stopped by to drop some old bill and wrote a note with the closing part that this will be the last tie she will bother me.

in some weird fantasy that i have created i want her to contact me and i know that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different result but this closure part is killing me.

I cant seem to enjoy anything, be with my friends, family or even date anyone. i thought that i have been in love before and i have been hurt but this was the one that i really thought it was my happy ending. i wanted the same things she did but her pressuring me pushed me away. i felt like she was racing with her friends and she wanted to get out of her house in which her mom has also BPD and her father an old man spends so much time alone in the wood just to be away from his wife, that also scared the ___ out of me in which i saw so much similarity with her and her mom and i didn't want to end up like him.

i am really sorry for making this long but i wanted you guys to get a glimpse of whats going on in my head. I have tried to socialize and even date but i have gone right back to square one.

every time after a break we had she would go to some "friends" house and once as soon as she left my house she moved at her exes and still kept in touch with me. after we got back and i found out that she went to parties that i was suppose to go with her and one of the reasons that me and her had problems was because in the beginning of the relationship this guy was way to much in the picture. she claimed not to care about him that way but just as a good friend but yet she promised me that he will never see him again. last halloween part i went i find out that instead my name on the reservation she made she had put his name and she did everything possible for me not to got to the hostess and asked for my table until i found out why and till lied to me about making the reservation.

now this are the things that drive me nut and hate my brain for discarding them. i forgave her many times and she kept on pushing and pushing, i am not sure what her message was or the poor thing she couldn't bare to be alone with soulless self.

i really wanted and want to help her see what she did to me and also talk about where it went wrong. a part of me had tried that and of course she never took responsibility for her actions.

why can't i get her out of my mind? why am still hooked on her? don't know but i know that she f*cking hurt me more than anyone had ever done.

i Know that i had my share of bad childhood and i am angry at my family for all the things that had happened to me, somehow i forgave them to a certain point but i am not able to move on from this girl. i also know that i am still in love with this girl and

i was married for 7 years and before that. i really thought that i found my happy ever after but now i am in limbo and i am having such a hard time to move on.

there is so much in my head and my brain i racing but i don't want to be a whiner and not have anyone read my post.

any thoughts and tips would help guys i am really scared about my wellbeing and i know i am supposed to take care of myself but the whole damn thing doesn't make any sense.

i thank you for reading and i thank you in advance for the feedback

[Invictus01]

Ya know man, really have no good advice or suggestions... .but for what it's worth, I was the same exact mess for pretty much a year (and that's after just 6 months of dating my "soulmate". I had friends who were very very concerned about my mental well being, I was very concerned about it too considering that my brain was flickering between a suicide and ordering a hit on her. I literally had vivid dreams of killing her with my bare hands. I have no good advice to offer on how to overcome this, all I can offer is this - it gets better. With time. It goes away. Just need to hang on for a while.

[Wize]

Hi HG.  Really sorry you're going through this.  I have to say, you're still gripping tightly to "what was" and "what could have been." That's normal.  But until you begin to let go of what was and start making baby steps towards a new, single life, you're going to remain in this wicked, depressed and painful phase. 

Please force yourself to start accepting that "I am now single, I must learn to live as a single person, I will not allow the events in my life to defeat me, I will not allow the people in my life to determine my happiness." Start doing this.  It'll be forced and contrived at first, just going through the motions. But the behavior will become the reality and slowly, ever so slowly you will distance yourself from your breakup as you move closer to your new life.

You know something has to change, so start making the change... .baby steps.

[Heartbroken_guy]

Ya know man, really have no good advice or suggestions... .but for what it's worth, I was the same exact mess for pretty much a year (and that's after just 6 months of dating my "soulmate". I had friends who were very very concerned about my mental well being, I was very concerned about it too considering that my brain was flickering between a suicide and ordering a hit on her. I literally had vivid dreams of killing her with my bare hands. I have no good advice to offer on how to overcome this, all I can offer is this - it gets better. With time. It goes away. Just need to hang on for a while.

yeah man pushing you to the limit and make you feel like a monster, i know that feeling.

[Heartbroken_guy]

 

Please force yourself to start accepting that "I am now single, I must learn to live as a single person, I will not allow the events in my life to defeat me, I will not allow the people in my life to determine my happiness." Start doing this.  It'll be forced and contrived at first, just going through the motions. But the behavior will become the reality and slowly, ever so slowly you will distance yourself from your breakup as you move closer to your new life.

You know something has to change, so start making the change... .baby steps.

thanks for the advice. I am trying that just sometimes i just feel stuck. i appreciate your support guys.