was she cheating

[Venny]

Another thing I struggle with is the idea that she was and is with another guy. Everything points to the fact that she was cheating especially now with the total detachment. However, she steadfastly denies ever cheating or being with a new guy. She lied about everything when we were together so why not now? It's like no matter how many times I'm confronted with her BPD I keep thinking surely no one would just lie to your face especially not her. But that's exactly what she's doing and has always done. Thoughts ?

[C.Stein]

I am in a similar situation as I am relatively certain I was replaced at least 3 months prior to her throwing me away.  :)ifference with me is she has not even acknowledged we even had a relationship let alone that she ever had any feelings for me.  

The lies are a defense mechanism.  It allows someone to avoid painful truths about themselves and to maintain a persona that is outwardly acceptable.  To admit to something like infidelity also means they would have to accept responsibility for something they know is morally wrong.  This would generate an enormous amount of shame, guilt, self-hatred, etc... .and this is something to be avoided at all costs for a pwBPD.  Even if you (or I) were to get the truth we would almost certainly be blamed for their indiscretions.  To be honest,  I don't really want to know the whole truth.

[DazedD40]

During the relationship with me ex there were to many in discrepancies that I ignored at the time but now I'm on the other side of the fences and slowly getting some logical thinking going I'm pretty certain that she cheated on me. My gut told me at the time but I was happy to continue to buy in to the illusions she created, hell I painted my own to buy in to. I thought she loved me enough to stop those behaviours.

Now I will never know for certain as she will always hold the truth back and she has a habit of blocking her wrongs out of her mind so in her mind things never happened. Do I want to know? I already know so it doesn't need to be admitted by her. At this moment in time my heart knows the answers and that's why I won't ever go back or be pulled in to her emotional mind games any longer.

Any truths I don't know of are her truths to deal with, not mine.

[Mutt]

Hi Venny,

What does your gut tell you? My advice is listen to your gut.