xBPDgf trying to enter my social circle. What do I do?

[Saradane]

Hello All,

My exBPDgf and I broke up about 4 months ago, and we've been NC ever since. I still hurt occasionally, but I'm doing soo much better. I'm a happier and healthier person.

We're both in college, and the odds of me running into her are high. Heck, I almost saw her last night if it wasn't for my last second decision not to go to a party.

She is trying to renter my social circle with my friends. Why is this? Why can't she just leave me alone? I know that she tried to similar things with her other ex's.

What do I do. My friends don't understand her condition and idk if I can stop it from happening.

Please help

[valet]

Well, if you want to keep your friends around you only have 2 options:

1.) Tell them how this makes you feel and ask that they respect your boundaries about not wanting to see her.

2.) Do nothing.

Either way, you can't control them nor her. So you'll learn something from this undoubtedly.

[eprogeny]

Hello All,

My exBPDgf and I broke up about 4 months ago, and we've been NC ever since. I still hurt occasionally, but I'm doing soo much better. I'm a happier and healthier person.

I'm really glad to hear you're happier and healthier now.  It's a great feeling, and I'm looking forward to having that in my life again.

Why is this? Why can't she just leave me alone?

The short answer is probably that she wants your attention.  The longer answer is that she may be hoping to rekindle something with you, or that she may simply want to get the satisfaction of knowing her presence will provoke a response in you - good or bad, at least she'll know she's not nothing to you.

What do I do. My friends don't understand her condition and idk if I can stop it from happening.

Please help

It sounds like it makes you uncomfortable.  If you're not in any physical danger from her, then there is nothing you can do other than to find a new social circle, explain the situation to your friends, or continue with your current social circle without explaining and let the chips fall where they may.

If you've been NC this entire time, there's no reason you can't continue that even if she tries to exist in your social realm.  It is possible to exist in the same space without interacting with her in a friendly way while not being overtly rude, either.  Is that a possibility for you?

[lovenature]

She is trying to renter my social circle with my friends. Why is this? Why can't she just leave me alone?

She doesn't want to loose an attachment (you).

My ex. continually called, stalked; any response from me showed her there was still an emotional attachment.

You have to decide what is really important to you; do you want to go to places she will likely be? Do you want to avoid her at all costs? Total NC is best IMO, if you desire to be where she will be, best to be as boring and non emotional as possible if you end up interacting with her.

[Pretty Woman]

This happened to me.  She dumped me and tried to bring the replacement in. Fringe friends allowed it... .

True friends stayed loyal. Many friends stayed friends with her on FB because they thought Unfriending was just fueling drama.

BPD's do not have friends, they have enablers. Mine switches "" friends with each new replacement.

A year after the discard, my ex reached out to my friend to see if she could photograph a wedding. When she was with me she couldn't stand this friend nor her husband and thought their photography sucked. In my opinion she was trying to re-establish a connection. My friend wasn't having it.

Your ex is getting a reaction from you by approaching your circle. Rise above it. Those who matter most will see through it.  Those that entertain hanging out with someone who hurt you aren't your closest friends any ways.