Today was a test...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So today Facebook exploded with posts of adoration and mutual "im so lucky" with the possible BPD and her new guy. I knew it would be coming as her bday is in a few days and I was unsure how I'd ultimately react. Well, after an extremely brief twinge of discomfort, I laughed. Barely a month into knowing someone and weeks into a new relationship, labeling yourself the luckiest girl ever, and rhetorically asking if you should keep him after receiving a balloon and flowers is probably not the greatest move for a 30 something year old... .who has a history of Facebooking that exact thing last year with someone else. It's the saem thing over and over.

As I'm not someone who is all that interested in putting their entire life on Facebook, I'm feeling like a dodged a decent sized bullet here.  My next step is eliminating checking her Facebook from my routine.

[oceanyc]

So today Facebook exploded with posts of adoration and mutual "im so lucky" with the possible BPD and her new guy. I knew it would be coming as her bday is in a few days and I was unsure how I'd ultimately react. Well, after an extremely brief twinge of discomfort, I laughed. Barely a month into knowing someone and weeks into a new relationship, labeling yourself the luckiest girl ever, and rhetorically asking if you should keep him after receiving a balloon and flowers is probably not the greatest move for a 30 something year old... .who has a history of Facebooking that exact thing last year with someone else. It's the saem thing over and over.

As I'm not someone who is all that interested in putting their entire life on Facebook, I'm feeling like a dodged a decent sized bullet here.  My next step is eliminating checking her Facebook from my routine.

[bunny4523]

Been there. 

I work with my ex and rumor around the office is he is just ga ga over this new gal and wedding bells are in the near future. 

I just responded "doesn't surprise me"   

Feels good doesn't it?  To not have their life effecting yours anymore.   

Bunny

[valet]

Hey oceanyc, sounds like you're handling this pretty well.

Do you have a plan for eliminating those other little routines? Or are you gonna just play it out and see how you react in the future?

[oceanyc]

@bunny4523

At the very least it feels good to be aware of the things that this guy has no clue are coming down the road. Honestly, it's strange to me that an almost 40 year old and a mid 30 year old would engage in Facebook flaunting and testimonials from people about what a great guy he is, and that he is in fact worth keeping because she rhetorically asked if she should keep him. We didn't engage in that nonsense and when we were on dates there was never a thought about posting it all over Facebook and telling people what a great time we were having. We just were having too great of a time to bother.

@valet

I don't have a plan really. I told my friend tonight that I was taking today/night and getting it out of my system. We haven't spoken in a month which was my decision. She insisted that we should be friends because I was "her person" but I foresaw this. I know her, her pattern, and I know that a true healthy friendship was impossible. I knew that when this inevitably happened, as fast as it inevitably happened, I wouldn't eb able to tell her what i truly thought like I would with my other friends. But, my other friends wouldn't act so desperately childish over someone they have known for 30 days.

[Oncebitten]

oceanyc

Yes we are all their "person" until we stop taking what little they offer.  The you are painted black and discarded like yesterdays trash.  Its sad how quickly they form and then loose attachments.  The pattern is disruptive and predictable when you get some distance from them.

[oceanyc]

Can I be considered painted black if I'm the one who ended communication with her? I had written an email that laid everything out regarding our relationship or friendship and how she needed time alone to work on herself. Her reply to that was incredulity/anger, how unnecessary the email was, and her saying it was simple, she just wanted to be friends and if I can't handle that, ok. the problem is, I addressed all of that within the email itself and had already explicitly said a romantic relationship was not on the table due to her needing time alone.

[Oncebitten]

I dont have the experience that some on the board have... .but yes I am pretty sure you can be painted black for anything.  And you leaving her will likely be viewed as you abandoning her which is one of the worst things you can do to a pwBPD. 

[oceanyc]

Ah, that's strange to me. I guess that's part of the process of trying to understand this disorder, if she does indeed have it. I didn't consider her perceiving it as abandonment, though it wouldn't have stopped me from writing it even if I had perceived it that way. While reflecting on all of this I have realized more warning signs I had missed.

I wonder if someone with more experience wouldn't mind offering their opinion?

[Kelli Cornett]

Facebook is just smoke screens. Even with "normal" people.

Not a good source of reality.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey oceanyc, Agree w/letitbe: FaceBook is an unreliable reflection of reality.  That she is posting all over FB about the new guy sounds juvenile.  From what you describe, it sounds like she was angry about your email message, which is to be expected.  It is highly unlikely for a pwBPD to take responsibility for his/her role in causing a b/u.

Right, i suggest you break the habit of checking up on her via FB.  At some point -- not yet, I understand -- I predict you will get to a stage where whatever she posts on FB is of no importance or relevance to you.

LuckyJim

[oceanyc]

@letitbe223

That is absolutely correct. In fact, I posted almost the same sentiment in someone else's thread regarding Facebook. Weird how I can see it in someone else's situation, acknowledge it in my own, but not trust the logic and truth of it.

@LuckyJim

There's definitely an immaturity issue at play here. As I said, for a mid 30 year old and an almost 40 year old to be Facebooking it up about someone they have known for a month is so foreign to me it is difficult to comprehend. The email didn't relate directly to the end of the romantic part of our relationship. The timeline is more like we stopped talking, a few weeks later she met someone, after about 5 months and a little more than a month ago she ended things with him, told me she didn't want to date for awhile, 2 days later she was on a dating site, met the current guy right away and now she's the luckiest ever. Sounds healthy right?