Finally Free (mostly)

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

   After a 20 year relationship with a uBPDh, I am living on my own, post-divorce, and walking out of the financial ruin and emotional destruction.  At times, I forget how bad it really was.  I have no desire to ever see him again, but I am able to pity him and mostly forgive him. My children (now young adults) have become emotionally healthier too.  I have not talked to my ex in 2 years.  I moved away and started over.  The peace is worth it.  My kids relay some things .  He tries to scare me or them or both.  But, to me, he is the man behind the curtain.  Just a humbug.
   So for all of you who wonder if you can ever heal... .yes, you can.  You can come back.  You can get past the addiction to drama.  And find peace.

[sad but wiser]

   After a 20 year relationship with a uBPDh, I am living on my own, post-divorce, and walking out of the financial ruin and emotional destruction.  At times, I forget how bad it really was.  I have no desire to ever see him again, but I am able to pity him and mostly forgive him. My children (now young adults) have become emotionally healthier too.  I have not talked to my ex in 2 years.  I moved away and started over.  The peace is worth it.  My kids relay some things .  He tries to scare me or them or both.  But, to me, he is the man behind the curtain.  Just a humbug.
   So for all of you who wonder if you can ever heal... .yes, you can.  You can come back.  You can get past the addiction to drama.  And find peace.

[heartandwhole]

Hi sad but wiser,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am glad that you have been able to start a new and more peaceful life. You sound in a very good place. It's important for other members to know that no matter how painful the ending, things CAN get better, and do.

Your decision ripples out; not only your children, who have become healthier emotionally, but as signposts for others here who are not sure what to do in their situation.

If you'd like to share, what helped you the most in your process of detachment?

heartandwhole

[sad but wiser]

Thank you!
  What helped most... .hmmm... .I'd have to say the support of friends, mostly new friends, since BPD is isolating.  Many people on this website helped and I learned to build healthy relationships in real time as well.  God had my back, always. 
  I read books and articles frantically at times.  "Codependent No More" is good.  Time has helped.  No contact helped a lot.