Audio recordings of your BPD at their worst

[CooperD]

Good morning folks,

I woke up with terrible pangs of anxiety this morning at 5am (this is the start of day 2 no contact).

To try to help I decided to play two audio recordings of my BPD at her very worst.  Has anyone used this as a tactic of recovery ? I certainly did not feel emotional pangs listening to her voice but actually dread.  It took me right back into being in the apartment that night and day (like a ghost observing it).

The particulalr recordings i have were made without her knowledge after she enticed me to have sex with her (it will bring us closer together / actions not words and will help out intimacy she said) and then immediately afterwards said exactly "That was RAPE".

The audio recordings I have (45 minutes in total) are beyond distressing - to hear myself weeping and pleading with her to not go to the police to tell such lies.  Begging her that it will destroy my life/my career/my parents yet listening to her completely cold and focussed on doing those things. She did eventually leave the property to make me believe she was genuinely on her way to the police station too.

I am not going to do so but i have such a desire to publish them and send them to all her friends on facebook so that they can hear who she really is !

[LilMe]

I made recordings of my uBPD for evidence in court. I had to listen to them so I could label them. It was one of the most awful things I have had to do. I hope to never hear them again.  Like you, CooperD, it takes me back and I feel the pain and trauma all over again.

We haven't gone to court yet and may not ever go. Our church and friends believe him.  He said I made it all up.  I so want them to know the truth!  But I will be the bigger person and keep the recordings private.  I meet with my lawyer on Monday to decide if we are going to trial. I just want it to be over, but our youngest is 2, so it won't be over for many more years!

Hang in there!  It will get better. Keep NC and it will help.  

[CooperD]

Hi LilMe,

I hope you find comfort in knowing that you know the real truth and that those recordings you have reflect that.

The friends/family of my BPD would be shocked and disgusted if they listened to her on the recordings I have - deliberately saying she was going to make the false accusations of rape.  I dont want to make things worse as she is so volatile and so like  you I will be the bigger person and not distribute my recordings.

Listening to them didnt make me feel really bad but rather reaffirmed to me what a troubled and mentally unstable individual she is.

[flourdust]

I have recordings; they take me right back to that horrible time. I also look at my journal entries, which vividly portray how dysfunctional and abusive she was, day after day after day.