Help

[Newdawn]

My s.o. is very jealous of my time spent with family and friends.  I spend 95% of my time with him.  We have been together 5 years.  He has no family here.  He isolates himself and has NO friends.  He is mean and jealous of the fact that I pick up my 5 year old grandaughter once a week after school.  He tells me to not being her to our home and stay out with her.   He told me yesterday that he is going to his family's for Thanksgiving despite we had plans here.  He is leaving me for the holiday to get revenge for the time I spend with my family. I have made arrangements and paid for trips numerous times to see his family.  He threw this at me after he knew we had committed holiday plans.  He is controlling and insists on cooking as my cooking isn't good enoug h fir him.  He then throws it up in my face telling me I'm lazy and don't even cook!  I'm in a no win situation.  HELP!

[Mutt]

Hi Newdawn,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I like your username btw I'm sorry that you're going through this. If he's cutting himself off from attachments, it's a sign of mental illness.

• Confused thinking.
• Prolonged depression (sadness or irritability)
• Feelings of extreme highs and lows.
• Excessive fears, worries and anxieties.
• Social withdrawal.
• Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits.
• Strong feelings of anger.
• Strange thoughts (delusions)

www.mentalhealthamerica.net/recognizing-warning-signs

I'm glad to hear that you're not isolating yourself from friends and family, we need to be connected with people, I think that maintaining r/s's is a part of self care, get in touch and surround yourself with people that love you unconditionally.

A pwBPD feel low self worth, have low self esteem and the way that that your S.O is talking to you about seeing family and friends is emotional blackmail, he's probably not conscious of it, I'm saying it to excuse his behaviors, it helps to understand the behaviors to depersonalize it.

Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)

That has to create a lot of conflict around the house if he's emotionally blackmailing you when Thanksgiving is just around the corner.

[Foolishwizdom]

I'm sorry that your s.o. is choosing to use this holiday time to create pain and distance! 

It is good that you see that it is about controlling you and probably protecting himself to some degree. This is a good place to keep perspective and vent safely when the pain and conflicting expectations start to get to you and also to learn how to deal with the relationship.

Do you feel like you can have a happy holiday without him there?  What would it take for you to do that?