Married a long time...Participant in the crazy since day one

[TM11740]

I don't quite know what to say.  I have been married for 25 years.  we have always been a high conflict couple.  I being the codependant and she having what I believe to be BPD symptoms.  we would argue and I would always be made to feel that I was wrong, or stupid.  we separated 2 years ago and saw a legal team to come up with a separation agreement, but I moved back home back in July.  however, at no point did she want to try and make it work.  she said she didn't love me anymore and wanted nothing to do with me, etc.  I have not been able to sleep in the same bed with her and the few times we tried to be intimate resulted in her getting a yeast infection... .needless to say, its all my fault.   after a major conflict during a recent marital therapy session (it was so ugly!), i decided it may be best to start moving on and prepare to move out again.  however, recently, she started to ask me if we "both didn't try hard enough?"  I believe that I have tried to make things work, but still cannot sleep next to her.  I have caused her pain over the years... .but I don't know that she is willing to look at herself.  I have contacted an attorney recently to discuss my situation from a legal standpoint, but I don't quite know if I should pull the trigger.  please help!  thank you

[Mutt]

Hi TM11740,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that you're having problems with your marriage. I'd have my doubts too if I felt like we were going through the same motions and the results were always the same. Deciding to divorce is a difficult and personal decision. We can't tell you what to do. I just wanted to point something out, I think that it would difficult for many people to.admit that they didn't try hard enough, if I had to come up with a reason why, at the top of my list would be ego.

she started to ask me if we "both didn't try hard enough?"

Do you feel like it was easier for her to admit that she didn't try hard enough by including you? Did you detect sincerity or would she say something similar when things are about to get serious?