My wife is BPD. I just found out.

[Brooklynboy]

I just joined this group.  This is my first attempt at outside help.  I don't know how much longer I can last in our marriage.  I never knew the symptoms of BPD, but everything I'm reading describes her.  I have even seen quotes in BPD books that are her exact words.  I can't get away from her.  I try to get solitude in the bathroom.  But, even then she talks through the door or knocks.  I have nowhere I can hide. 
Our son is 43 with his own family.  Our daughter is 33 with her own family and everyone is busy getting their own lives together.  They live 15 minutes and 30 minutes away.  They know of the problem, they have seen and been victimized by their mother, and empathize and listen to me tell stories (I don't do this very much at all, what can they do?). Mainly they try to not see her often.  I am retired and am with her 24/7 now.  If I ever try to do something alone, even shop for sports equipment, she tags along.  I am drowning in her.  My wife doesn't think there's anything wrong with her.  It's everyone else that has the problems.  She will never go for treatment.  I have been going but it's not helping me cope.  I am at the end of what I feel I can do or stand.  Can anyone out there help me? 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Brooklynboy,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that. I can relate with feeling engulfed in a marriage with partner that displays BPD traits. Your partner isn't thinking about givung you a break, you don't get a chance to recharge your batteries, it's tough,. I'm glad that you decided to reach out for help, our members can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone.

I am drowning in her.  My wife doesn't think there's anything wrong with her.  It's everyone else that has the problems.  She will never go for treatment.

A pwBPD don't understand their own boundaries and don't understand everyone else's boubdaroes, they don't know where they end and the other person begins. My advice would be to set boudaries, have you tried in the past and how did that go?

BPD is a persecution complex where the person believes that they're victim and that their circumstances are caused externally but others and not through their own decisions and conduct.

We have plenty of r/s tools when you have a loved one that suffers from BPD, you'll  find the lessons to the right side of the board. Whenjoy you say treatment, do you mean that you talking to a counselor or a T ( therapist )

[WorldTraveler]

Hey Brooklynboy,
I know how you feel. Sometimes the hardest thing about thatbfollowingnaround thing is that it seems so cruel to say that you don't want her to join. I think my wife often thinks that she just wants to spend time together, which is great in principle. But sometimes a person just wants to go buy some sports equipment alone. Time alone isn't a rejection of one's partner, but necessary for being a thoughtful and well-adjusted individual. I know how hard the topic is to broach, and I'll bet some people here can give better advice than me on how to do that, but I just want to say that there is nothing unloving, cold, or wrong about wanting time to yourself!