Why is letting go so hard ?~

[Breaking Free 68]

I've been a relationship since January... .which HE moved from east coast to west coast for work... .Visited HIM several times... .actually moved to west coast... .after finding a job without any of HIS help.
Quit my job, left my friends & family only to experience HIS narcissistic ways come to light.  Only to pack up and drive across country two months later after HIS behavior made me feel that I was wrong in everything I did to move out there.
Of course, HE reeled me back a week later ... .now I am dealing with the distance between us and HIS behavior... .claims he loves me and wants me to move back. HE has offered no help to get back there...
Last Sunday... .told him I could not go on in this relationship ... .I was letting him go so HE could be happy and find someone for companionship so HE wasn't so lonely and if our love was true ... .we would become " US " again... at that point I blocked him on FB, Pinterest, Cell phone, but, unfortunately could not block him from gmail... .
So of course, after several nasty angry and demeaning adjectives usage in emails... .I receive one stating if I care to call him... .
I CALLED HIM ... .only to be yelled at and told what a horrible person I am.
I am starting counseling on Tuesday... .HE is coming back to the East Coast for Thanksgiving and expecting me to be with HIM while he's visiting.
Tonight... .is the first night since HE moved that we didn't talk all night, HE's relaxing and watching a movie and told me not to wake HIM ... .HE is going to sleep in.  HE has never done this since HE moved in January ... .my gut says HE's entertaining another woman ! How do I break away ?

[Mutt]

Hi BreakimgFree68, 



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know it's hard, many of us here can relate with you. It's speculation that he's entertaining a womsn, I've been guilty if this too, but it's going from 0-60 thinking about the worse scenario. That being said, it sounds like you have good boundaries, I have a question, you refer to him in all caps, how do you feel about him? I'm glad to hear that you're getting some help in real life. It helps to talk to a support group concurrently with a T.

[ateu]

Hi breaking free!

I have experienced similar things. It all comes down to the fact that it's all about them.

Me and my boyfriend also have a long distance relationship and he is entertaining other ladies while I am gone.

And he lashes out at me when I confront him. In his world, it's actually my fault that he needs to be with other girls. Sometimes maybe I am also jealous for no reason, but he brought that on himself, since I have concrete evidence of at least four affairs... .

I also don't know why we are staying. In my case, I think it's because he can really convince me that I am the one he really loves (yeah, right... .) And that he is really vunerable and I can't shut him out totally after all this time.

But of course, last night I asked him why he was kissing another girl on a picture on Facebook and she wrote "finally I am together with my soulmate again". He got upset why I checked out the women who send hearts to him on his wall and actually unfriended me.

Everything is my fault, always. If you feel the same, I do think you really should put some distance to him and try to focus on your own well-being. Best of luck!