Year2
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7
|
 |
« on: December 15, 2016, 10:31:07 AM » |
|
Hello there,
I've come here as my life has really been in turmoil for the last month or so.
I met my girlfriend 5 years ago through a mutual friend. At the time I was living 600 miles from her and was visiting. We got on great, she hung out the next day and said she'd friended me on Facebook. I drove home, full of thoughts of this lively, happy, positive girl.
At the time I was 6 months seperated from my wife who, I also suspect is BPD. I was in the process of working my way through it all - the morass of co-dependency, blocking her constant need to be an angry presence in my life, her emails and phone calls detailing my endless 'wrongs'. But I was doing well.
Me and the new woman flirted on Facebook and we arranged a date. I drove up there and we went out and slept together. It turned out she was in a 5 year relationship with another man. The end result was she chose me and we had a 3 year long distance relationship which was generally glorious. We saw each other every 2 weeks or so and I've never had a more magical relationship. Except... .every now and again she'd get it in her head that I was having affairs on her. Her sunny disposition would turn to a dark brooding and I'd have to convince her that her paranoid delusions weren't true.
Eventually I moved to her's. She has older children (we're now in our 50s) and I moved out and got a place of my own. After about a month she accused me of a 'secret life' in the apartments where I live and of having an affair with one girl in particular. Around this time I started to withdraw from the world and hardly noticed it. One of the strangest things is having gone through all this with my wife and simply not recognizing it, or being in denial of what it was. The mutual friend who had introduced us in the first place got drunk one night when I was still living elsewhere and hit on her. I spoke to him about it and he was ashamed and embarrassed. She said that I should have beaten him up. I explained that I'm not 18 any more and that I trusted her so what was the point? I tried making friendships with other men but she seemed to have her reasons for being offended that I'd want to know these people.
Her mood gradually became darker and less positive. I worried that I was bringing her down. She texted me constantly and we'd often get into arguments and break up conversations via text. I would eventually phone.
So, the upshot was me being pushed away and her feeling abandoned. She has dreams of me driving her and jumping out of the car which she takes personally. I had insomnia, got up and got online and she got up angry and asked why I'd left her.
This started the ball rolling. My strategy learned from dealing with my ex wife was to take myself away from the situation when she got irrational. Any attempt at logic on my part was useless. And I did the same thing. I would ignore her texts and phone calls. She claims now that this is 'emotional abuse'.
Around a month ago I'd arranged for her to come stay at mine. She never showed. I texted, phoned, texted. Nothing. I texted her son as I was worried something had happened to her. She eventually texted me at midnight that she'd been called into work late. She ignored my phone calls and went to bed. A week later the same thing happened, blowing off a restaurant date. A couple of mysteriously ambiguous texts, then nothing. This was designed to hurt I feel, and to make a point.
We didn't speak for 2 weeks. She sent riddles, cryptic texts, open ended questions.
At the end of it she said that we should talk. I asked her if she'd been having an affair and she admitted to it. With some old teenage flame of hers (she claims) who is involved with organized crime and nobody can know his name. We went back and forth for 4 days. Crying, anger, mixed messages. 'I love you and I love him'. 'Why did the universe send him my way? Why now?'. We talked for hours about our relationship. I told her the only way back was for her to ditch this guy, then maybe we could talk about us. She promised to phone with an answer and never did. Then said she hadn't said she would. I ended up being up for 48 hours.
She seemed to have changed from someone I knew, loved and trusted completely to someone who was lying endlessly, forgetting the previous lies and suddenly had a completely skewed moral code, absolutely at odds with her previous self. She claimed to be frightened of this new man and the power he had over her. She said he might be coming over. I said I wasn't leaving. She started to tell me stories about him. She wouldn't stop. She admitted she'd been stalking my private messages on Facebook for years. She quoted 'proof' of affairs with the same people I'd convinced her weren't true from years before. And at that point I felt I was going insane and walked out.
The next week she sent angry texts. I emailed her to stop. That I never wanted to text again. She sent emails over Thanksgiving. Generally short and angry. I wrote back, calmer now, telling her that I was worried about her. Her replies were brief, didn't answer any of my questions and eventually she stopped replying. My every waking hour has been spent going over this craziness and trying to find some kind of a solution. I feel as though I'm going nuts with the obsession. My mind won't turn off.
So I sent her a goodbye email. For my own good. Which she didn't reply to.
We bumped into each other last week and talked for 3 hours. Tears etc... .she agreed with much of what I say etc. But the upshot is that she seems to think it's ok for her to work out whatever it is with this guy and have me as some kind of safety net. I told her I wouldn't do it and again, that was it. No contact.
I heard from a mutual friend that she gave me having an affair with a neighbor (which never happened) as the reason we broke up.
I am filled with grief. I miss what I can only now think of as an illusion of her. I miss her every moment and yet berate myself for wondering why I'd still have feelings for someone who has behaved in this way. The very worst were the lies. And, it turns out, she's a fantastically convincing liar. So, can anything be believed from the last 5 years? It is a shock.
|
