Hello

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello everyone,
I'm new to this community and have been reluctant to sign up and post on a forum.  I've been trying to figure out what was going on with my wife for a couple years and pretty sure I've narrowed it down to a personality disorder. After reading a lot about BPD and the forums I found that my wife's behaviors were being described over and over again by other people.   I've bought a couple of books to learn more about this disorder and they make a lot of sence. It feels good to find the answers to the problems and chaos we have been living with for years. We have a four year old son who is also on this rollercoaster with us.  It breaks my heart he has to go thru this. 

[Desel]

Hello everyone,
I'm new to this community and have been reluctant to sign up and post on a forum.  I've been trying to figure out what was going on with my wife for a couple years and pretty sure I've narrowed it down to a personality disorder. After reading a lot about BPD and the forums I found that my wife's behaviors were being described over and over again by other people.   I've bought a couple of books to learn more about this disorder and they make a lot of sence. It feels good to find the answers to the problems and chaos we have been living with for years. We have a four year old son who is also on this rollercoaster with us.  It breaks my heart he has to go thru this. 

[Julia S]

Hi Desel.

Hopefully you will get help and support here.

I suspect a moderator will intervene and move your post. This section of the forum is about people who have had to leave or been discarded by their partners, because the disorder is so bad. There are other sections that deal with improving the relationship and getting help.

[VitaminC]

Hi there Desel,

  You are welcome here. I'm glad you decided to sign up and post. The support from other members who understand what you are going through, as well as the practical tips both from members and our resources, have been so helpful to me and many others. Reaching out can feel like a big deal, and it is, in the best way.

It's good you are getting what sounds like some clarity on your relationship issues. Learning that there is a name for things and that we can predict certain behaviours and learn to respond in more constructive ways is very helpful.

How can we best help you here? Julia is right that this particular Board focuses on members whose relationships have ended. It sounds like you are still in and want to continue and find out what you can do to improve the situation?

Would you like to have a look at the other Boards and see where you might fit yourself? "Improving" will help with relationship building, communication skills, and strategies for personal growth. Or you might want "Conflicted" if you really are considering whether you want to stay or not.

You can have a look at either of these Boards and tell us where we should move your post so that you will have better and more helpful input from other members.

Keep posting, Desel. I have found it really helpful to write out my thoughts and list the things that worried me.

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Desel,
  Welcome to BPD Family!   Thank you for sharing a little bit about your story.

As Vitamin C mentioned, there are several boards on here with an abundant wealth of information on BPD and helpful resources. This is a very friendly community and we welcome you with open arms!
PW

[Desel]

Thanks for the welcome,

I haven't had time to read thru the other the other sections yet and thought I would start here. A lot has happened over the years and this is the second time I have left the relationship and this time I took our son with me. Im starting a new life and already feel better. Its amazing to feel good, sleep, relax and spend quality time with my son.
    Everyday was hell with her changing gears 3 to four times a day and basically controlling the life of anyone close to her. Sleep deprivation was the worst, along with trying to keep the chaos from affecting our son as best I could.  He is also doing much better being in a relaxed atmosphere and sleeping in his own room.
     Her mood swings were some what tolerable before we were married. After we got married I found myself being cornered in our apartment and having to climb over the side of our balcony to get away from her. Times like those would come and go. After our son was born was when things started to get much worse. She started to accuse me of cheating and tried to make me feel like a bad husband and father. One night her friend came over and I was not drinking to take care of our son so she could have a night off. After a couple bottles of wine she wanted to hold our baby when I was putting him to sleep. Her friend stood in front of her and was telling  her to just let me put him to sleep. I heard comotion,  stepped into the hallway to see her friend on the floor crying with a dislocated  knee cap.  This incident was concerning and we had to hire an attorney for damage control. She later
 slept with with this attorney but not before she got genital warts!
      Almost 2 years ago I came home from work to a raging wife. I had a couple beers and tried  waiting for her to calm down. She kept on and on so I decided to stay the night at my brothers house. Big mistake! As I took off my house pant to change she walked in the closet, grabbed my genitals and squeezed  as hard as she could. I screamed and fell backwards in pain as I had to rip her hands away. Our son witnessed this. Her mom (who was staying with us at the time) did nothing. I called the police and when they arrived she was saying I assaulted her. It was both of us going to jail or neither of us. The police made her give me my phone and keys and I got a couple changes of clothes and left.  I moved out a few weeks later and she filed for divorce by fault and made all kinds of allegations. She stole a lot of money from my business and ran up credit cards. By the time I got my head together myself and my business were broke. After running out of money (and finding out I was broke) she wanted to stop the divorce. Wanting the hell to stop I agreed.
      Now its a year later and my wife just finished with rehab. Having the time to relax and think clearly I made some tough but not so tough decisions. I hired my attorney that helped smash the domestic abuse allegation she made from a another confrontation. I filed for full custody of our son. I know its tough for her to get out of rehab to find her cloths in her car (she  constantly smashed her car up) with a note not to come to my brothers house. Ive learned to avoid confrontation and this seemed the best way. I still have a long road ahead but I'm happy knowing I'm in control of my own life.

Feels good to vent.   Thanks